Would you be happy for a photo of your child dressed

[Mosman]

In a crop top, aged 11 to be circulated on the Internet ?
I'm fcuking fuming just not sure how to handle this.
When we joined the school I was given a form asking for a signature to authorise the children to be photographed. We declined. That as far as I'm concerned should have been the end of the matter.
Except this morning I get a phone to make sure I understand the implications of my child not bring photographed, I say that I do, I am told that she the teacher will explain to my child that she needs to ask mum if she questions why she cannot be photographed. Fine I say.
When the children arrive back into the classroom from assembly the teacher stands up in front of the class and announced that Dd is the only one who cannot have her picture taken, that she may not be able to join the school band or choir because of this.
Later on in the day I received the school newsletter via email displaying DD's classmates performing a dance wearing cropped tops, midriffs on display, confirming everything I was concerned about.
How do I handle this effectively and get a satisfactory outcome ?

[OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos]

I think you are taking it a bit too far expecting the school to shield your dd from the fact that you haven't given permission for her to be photographed. It's fine for her to tell them that she can't be in the picture because her parents don't want her to be. It's fine for them to tell her that she should ask you if she wants to know why.

If she does want to know why, then it is your job to explain it to her, that's what parents do, especially when it's about decisions that are being made on the child's behalf. If you don't explain your reason to them then they turn in to teenagers that think you just want to ruin their lives for the sake of it and then they rebel.

[Mosman]

You see they didn't Charlotte because they had already taken the shot, this was about publishing it in the newsletter, what she wanted me to say was oh it's fine I've not thought this through go ahead use your photo, the picture was taken weeks ago.

[catgirl1976geesealaying]

Hang on

So they did photograph her?

In your OP you say it was a shot of her classmates without her in

Have I missed something? Sorry if I have

But still, it is your role to explain to her your rules. Not the schools. You don't have to justify them. But you at least need to let her know they exist and are of your making

[socharlotte]

So was your DD in the newsletter photo or not? I'm

[Mosman]

She wasn't in the newsletter, the teacher had got her in the photos though and obviously either had to pick a shot she wasn't it or cut her out. Which wasn't what we had agreed to, but of course I've no evidence that she's been photographed because I won't be shown the photos taken and I'm not that fussed that I wouldn't want her snapped at all I just don't want beaming front and centre photos of her in a state of undress being sent out on the Internet. Fully dressed I'd have no issue with but since we can't trust the school to differentiate its easier to just say no to all.

[Mosman]

catgirl I'd have been perfectly happy to do so had Dd raised it, the teacher just wanted to make damn sure DD raised though didn't she

[twofingerstoGideon]

OP, Can you 'differentiate' between 'a state of undress' and a crop top?

[catgirl1976geesealaying]

Do you let her out in public in a crop top?

In a public place anyone has the right to photograph her. They then own that image and can publish it where ever they like

[Sirzy]

She shouldn't have had to raise it, before she was in a position to raise it you should have made sure that she was aware of it. The only person to blame for that is you.

[OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos]

You don't know exactly what the teacher said, you weren't there.

If you can trust your 11 year old to tell you what happened accurately, then you can trust her to understand why you don't want her photographed.

[catgirl1976geesealaying]

I;m not sure how the school was meant to exclude her from the photographs without letting her know she had to be excluded

I am not saying that handled it well and if they did say she might not be able to stay in the group that seems wrong, but how would you have liked them to handle it?

[Mosman]

No I wouldn't let her walk around in a cropped top, it's underwear as far as I'm concerned

[Mosman]

And the first I knew of this "costume" was upon arrival at the assembly, there were a few raised eyebrows due to how unflattering it was to some of the girls who had their arms crossed over their chests.

[EggNogRules]

I imagine your dd already knows your strong views regarding her photograph being taken?

Your first post says that the teacher told the class (of 11 yo) that your DD cannot have their picture taken. As others have said you really need to speak to the teacher to understand the tone and intent. I understand that your DD may feel upset however, it is possible that the teacher meant no offence.

Also that 'she may not be able to join the school band or choir because of this'. Maybe they film them? You clearly have very strong feelings on the matter and this could impact the rest of the group. If I worked at your DD school I would be very reluctant to include your DD in photographs. It is an administrative pain in the arse and I can see why staff are a bit put out. They know how you feel and will adhere to your wishes.

Another one here that doesn't care about DC being pictured in bathers and dance costumes.

[Mosman]

In this instance cat they could have just used a photo she wasn't in, as indeed the did. No need for the big fuss and no need to upset her because she the individual teacher didn't agree with my decision.

[PickledInAPearTree]

It's a dance costume. Your making it sound like they wander around in their pants at school.

Swimming dancing etc its par for the course.

[catgirl1976geesealaying]

But maybe she can't stay in the group because they can't control her not being photgraphed at outside events etc

They could have broken it to her more gently / privately I agree,but if that is the case then they needed to let her know

[Mosman]

Cat if you'd heard the phone call, my DD was td to punish me for making extra work and going against what the teacher wanted to do. I'll find out exactly what was said but if she did publicly announce it then I think she's a bitch because the only motivation behind it was to make me look bad in my daughters eyes.

[Mosman]

The photo used in the newsletter was taken weeks ago. I assume DD was in some of them, not the published one and that was the reason for the phone call she wanted to use one DD was in.

[LadyClariceCannockMonty]

'in a state of undress'.

That's a little hysterical in itself. As is conflating an emailed school newsletter with pictures of your daughter being 'splashed all over the Internet'.

If things happened at the school as you describe, though, and your daughter's been singled out in front of her peers and told she can't join the choir, then they've behaved very unprofessionally and badly.

[Sirzy]

The teacher told your DD to punish you?

Sorry I sim

[Kendodd]

Can I ask op what do you do at the beach etc? Lots of people take pictures/video, they may include your family?

[Sirzy]

The teacher told your DD to punish you?

Sorry I simPly don't believe that for a second. You just seem to be adding more and more to try to make the school sound bad