Would you be happy for a photo of your child dressed

[Mosman]

In a crop top, aged 11 to be circulated on the Internet ?
I'm fcuking fuming just not sure how to handle this.
When we joined the school I was given a form asking for a signature to authorise the children to be photographed. We declined. That as far as I'm concerned should have been the end of the matter.
Except this morning I get a phone to make sure I understand the implications of my child not bring photographed, I say that I do, I am told that she the teacher will explain to my child that she needs to ask mum if she questions why she cannot be photographed. Fine I say.
When the children arrive back into the classroom from assembly the teacher stands up in front of the class and announced that Dd is the only one who cannot have her picture taken, that she may not be able to join the school band or choir because of this.
Later on in the day I received the school newsletter via email displaying DD's classmates performing a dance wearing cropped tops, midriffs on display, confirming everything I was concerned about.
How do I handle this effectively and get a satisfactory outcome ?

[Sirzy]

As you have ignored my earlier question I will ask again -

Why haven't YOU explained to your daughter why YOU made the choice before it became an issue?

[WileywithSageStuffing]

But why would she be upset when you have explained the reasons why you have decided she cannot have her photo taken.

If she is upset about that then maybe you should allow her to make up her own mind about whether she wants to be photographed.

[Mosman]

At 11 I do not have to justify my decisions to a child, they needed my permission it was denied, DD couldn't have cared less, knew we had said no but was upset when told this would impact on her ability to join the choir which is a lie.
Thanks for the input I'll be drafting an email in the morning and will leave out the cropped tops point.

[Kendodd]

I would guess from the way you're talking OP you wouldn't even let your DD compete in a swimming competition? I might be wrong, I just can't get my head around why you see photographs of children doing perfectly ordinary things (and wearing appropriate clothing for said activity) so offensive?

[joanbyers]

Is there something hitherto unknown that will cause the fabric of the universe to ripped asunder if the midriff of an 11-year-old is on display?

Should the parents of these girls be arrested? dancewear.co.uk/products&subcat=108

[Sirzy]

At 11 you should be more than willing to justify your views on things to your daughter. Why on earth wouldn't you?

[Mosman]

Yes KenDodd you are wrong

[zeeboo]

You wanted your child singled out and excluded and you got your child singled out and excluded with some humiliation into the bargain. Well done you OP!!

[TheElfOnThePanopticon]

YANBU to be annoyed that your child us being singled out and excluded from groups because you don't want her to be photographed. YABU to see something inherantly wrong or worrying about children being photographed in sports or dancewear or a costume appropriate for a school activity.

[WileywithSageStuffing]

Well actually you do have to justify your decisions to your child if they are making her upset. Not expect the school to cover up for you with a range of excuses every time there is a photo call.

Yes you don't want her in them. No the school shouldn't have told her she couldn't join choir. But you need to talk to your daughter about why you won't allow her to have her photo taken.

[Remotecontrolduck]

Erm, your DD deserves respect. Even at 11. You do need to justify your choices like this to her, especially when they will have a big impact on what she can do in school

[Mosman]

So it's my fault the teacher can't respect the parents wishes and feels the need to share my business with a bunch of year 5's ? Just wow

[Kendodd]

You know op, you sound like my mum. I was never allowed to do things the other children were allowed to do. I resent my mother to this day (30 years later) for the way she oppressed me and we still have a bad relationship. My mum was only trying to do her best and protect me from the world but she took it far to far and saw stranger danger everywhere.

This is not a dig, for all I know you might have very good reasons why your DD must not be traceable, it's just that this thread has made me quite sad.

[Mosman]

It's because we respect DDs privacy I won't have her splashed all over the Internet.
Thanks for your input.

[TempusFuckit]

I can't help thinking that your solution - for the teachers to make up pretend errands, ensure she's on the edge of group shots so she can be cropped, presumably ban parents from taking pictures (and they'd soon work out which kid was being 'protected') would be more humiliating than the teacher's approach here.

[Sirzy]

No it's your fault your daughter wasn't aware that you had taken the decision and why.

Nobody has denied the school have (from what your daughter has said to you) handled things badly but that doesn't mean you have handled it well

[Mosman]

My children do everything other children do, swimming carnivals, dance festivals etc etc I just don't want the photos. That's all

[WileywithSageStuffing]

Well perhaps you should explain that to her then...

[catgirl1976geesealaying]

Yes. Perfectly happy.

I would see the photo as a total non-issue.

If I had declined photographs though and that had been ignored I'd be angry, but they didn't ignore it - they rang you

I would be angry about them telling her she couldn't be in the group though. Surely they could just leave her out of the photos and that's that?

[Mosman]

I'm trying to handle it well going forward hence asking advice on here.
This isnt a school issue it's an individual teacher.

[socharlotte]

The school had to say something to your child to exclude her from the shot?

Out of interest, what happens when you go to the beach? Anyone can quite legally take pictures of your 'semi-naked' child in public without your permission

[PickledInAPearTree]

At eleven I don't think you should expect the school to have to photoshop her out. She should know the truth.

Personally I would have no issues whatsoever with the swimming or dance shots.

If I was you I would email in and just find out what was said first as I think it sounds a little odd.

But I would certainly not include anything about fairly innocent shots of a dance group in costume.

[Sirzy]

Before you do anything I would clarify with the teacher what was said, it could well be the comment was

"you may not be able to take part in x event because photos will be being taken" which is an unfortunate effect of a child being excluded from photos.

[FredFredGeorge]

YABU for not thinking that it's your job to discuss your decisions with your daughter, you may indeed have the final say in decisions that impact her, but to not discuss them is disgusting.

YABU for fuming on behalf of other parents who do not have a problem with what you're fuming about.

[twofingerstoGideon]

At 11 I do not have to justify my decisions to a child
Ah... the old 'because I say so' attitude that my parents used to use on me. What harm could there possibly be in explaining the rationale behind your decisions, or 'justifying' these as you would call it? If you have the courage of your convictions, why do you have a problem explaining them to your child?