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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why people don't help parents with prams etc

50 replies

Pongwiffy · 05/12/2012 09:07

As the title suggests. I was in a busy coffee shop yesterday, I got up holding 6 month old DD three times to hold open the door for people struggling to get in with prams and babies. Other people were sat by the door and people next to me commented upon how one mother was struggling. I'm in my 20's so am still fairly young. The coffee shop clientele was mainly people my age or younger. Is this a common thing now or just in my area?

I've noticed it in other places. I was raised to hold open doors etc, am I hopelessly out dated already?!

OP posts:
Icelollycraving · 05/12/2012 09:09

Being kind is never out of date.

WorraLorraTurkey · 05/12/2012 09:11

Plenty of people do help.

If you kept getting up, that's probably why no-one else felt the need to.

There are some ignorant bastards around but there are also plenty of helpful ones.

adeucalione · 05/12/2012 09:13

I would always hold a door open for the person behind me, and have helped people carry prams up stairs etc but I probably wouldn't get up from a table to open a door tbh.

First of all, I wouldn't even notice them if I was in conversation or reading, and if I did notice them I would think 'they are having a minor difficulty that will be resolved by the time I get there'.

LRDtheFeministDude · 05/12/2012 09:14

I do. I was really narked a while back that I held open a door for someone with a pram coming the other way, and people walked around me to push past while she and I stood there looking at each other! Angry

OTOH I do occasionally notice people who don't like you to try to help because they know what they're doing and just want to do it slowly.

comedycentral · 05/12/2012 09:15

Someone offered to help me this morning to get off the train with the pram. I don't expect the help though to be honest. I presume they don't notice, they may even be incapable of helping. In general I find people are very polite and helpful. I'm up north :-)

LRDtheFeministDude · 05/12/2012 09:15

(Yes, ok, if that left me 'really narked' clearly I have few problems in life/an over-active Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells complex)

Mrsjay · 05/12/2012 09:16

I always hold doors open for prams and buggys and people behind me not everybody is rude maybe they saw you get up and do it that they didnt bother , but some folk are just rude or dont notice people sturggling ,

PuffPants · 05/12/2012 09:16

YABU - I find the majority of people are lovely about helping with doors/steps etc. However, I see it as a courtesy not a duty. It was my choice to have a baby not theirs.

In your situation, people let you hold the door because you kept jumping up to do it. It doesn't take a swat team. Do you think we should all be on permanent pram-watch as we go about our lives?

Original poster
Pongwiffy · 05/12/2012 09:19

I didn't jump up straight away as they were approaching! But only after it was clear they were struggling and there was plenty of time for others to help. I guess I just like common courtesy.

OP posts:
FeckOffCup · 05/12/2012 09:25

Before I had a baby prams and buggies didn't really register on my radar, I probably would have been pretty oblivious to someone with one unless they actually asked for help in which case of course I would have helped them. Now I have a young child I am more aware of how it can be difficult to get through doors and up and down steps so I would try to catch the parent's eye and see if they could do with a hand if I don't already have my hands full with my own DD. Sometimes it's just that people don't really notice rather than being deliberately rude.

redskyatnight · 05/12/2012 09:28

... but on the flipside I've got up to help parents with prams/young children and got an earful that they can manage perfectly well thank you. I'm now more likely to take a step back and wait to be asked to help or until it is obvious that the person really can't manage.

AppleOgies · 05/12/2012 09:31

I found that I always had help and cars always stopped to let me cross roads etc... I was obviously very lucky!

BlueberryHill · 05/12/2012 09:34

I get lots of help, mind you I have a double buggy with twins so it is difficult to miss me. I'm also up north in a small town / village which I think makes a difference. I notice more now if people need help, not just prams etc, maybe it is an age thing here. I do ask if they need help too.

Try Switzerland, on holiday with DH, DS and loads of luggage travelling by train. We had about 3 / 4 mins to change train and two teenagers leapt out of their seats, helped us get the pushchair plus luggage off the train. Really lovely.

Fakebook · 05/12/2012 09:35

I've always had help on buses, lifts, even in the London Underground when my husband is with me we have loads of men and women offering to help us up or down the stairs. Must be where you live.

WorraLorraTurkey · 05/12/2012 09:39

I used to have lots of help here too (London)

Sometimes it's a matter of the other person guessing at what point you actually need help because plenty of people struggle for the first couple of seconds, and then manage perfectly well.

Talking of that, when I had a buggy and I was at the point where I could actually get through the door...I used to 'struggle' for a second or two longer if I saw someone leaving their table and heading towards me.

Just so they didn't feel embarrassed at getting up for nothing Xmas Grin

EasilyBored · 05/12/2012 09:42

I always hold the door for the next person, regardless of pram issues, it's just polite.

A couple of months ago, a lovely man helped carry my pram up 2 flights of stairs and broken escalator (lift also broken) at a train station, while also carrying his own suitcase. I hope the universe was extra nice to him that day. A stranger also helped me carry my pram onto the train on the way home that day (as DS was asleep). There are more nice, considerate, people in this world, than there are rude ones, I've found.

ethelb · 05/12/2012 09:45

Honestly?

I used to help people with their buggies when people went out with smaller buggies. It was a piece of piss to pick up one end of a Maclaren foldy up thingy. I remember men used to pick up the whole thing while the mum ferried her other children on the train/up the stairs.

Now there is no way I could even begin to lift up the buggies that people attempt the tube on. Not without putting my stuff down for example, which isn't an option on the tube (bus or train).

I do offer my seat to mums with children and offer to stand with the buggy while they sit at the back though. That's still possible.

threesocksfullofchocs · 05/12/2012 09:46

I always open doors, but never help lift(am a carer so can't risk it)

choceyes · 05/12/2012 09:46

People do help, especially on the tube. Less so in other places. I wouldn't expect somebody to get up from their table to help me though, and I wouldn't do it either, unless I was sitting right by the door, and not 3 times whilst holding a small baby! You are a better person than me Smile

ethelb · 05/12/2012 09:47

"I do. I was really narked a while back that I held open a door for someone with a pram coming the other way, and people walked around me to push past while she and I stood there looking at each other!"

Oh yes and if you stand back to let someone who needs it more room to get on get off, everyone just moves to fill the space!

MrsHoarder · 05/12/2012 09:52

I find lots of people are very helpful. I can't get near a flight of steps or shut door with the buggy without someone offering me a hand. Yes there are a lot of oblivious people, but I generally assume that's not malice.

Frontpaw · 05/12/2012 09:55

I do but not when by back is playing up! I'm amazespd at how many people don't know how to manoeuvre a pram - trying to go upstairs forwards with a small front wheeled pram is really hard!

SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 05/12/2012 10:01

I think people in general are more busy/less community minded/more self absorbed and just don't give a monkey's about anyone other than themselves sometimes.

I'm raising my dd to be polite, say thankyou and to be helpful and considerate to others. It would be nice if the rest of the population did the same.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 05/12/2012 10:25

I help with doors or stairs for people that are struggling, but I can't say I'd fancy getting up every five minutes to help while I was sitting in a coffee shop trying to enjoy an overpriced coffee. In that situation, lots of people will be distracted by their book/laptop/conversation with their friend/whatever they are eating.

I don't think someone can be accused of having a lack of common courtesy for not leaving whatever they are doing to help. If they are walking past someone who is struggling and they ignore them then maybe, but not if they are trying to do something else.

lola88 · 05/12/2012 10:42

My neighbour sits in her car pretending to be on her phone whenever i'm struggling up the front steps with the buggy the second i'm in the house suddenly she jumps out the car it is so annoying especially as she parks in my space.

I find teenage boys are very helpful one took DN down an icy hill while i took the buggy down on sat and his friend walked infront of me saying 'incase the buggy goes flyin it will just crash into me not go on the road' it was very sweet.