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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder why people don't help parents with prams etc

50 replies

Pongwiffy · 05/12/2012 09:07

As the title suggests. I was in a busy coffee shop yesterday, I got up holding 6 month old DD three times to hold open the door for people struggling to get in with prams and babies. Other people were sat by the door and people next to me commented upon how one mother was struggling. I'm in my 20's so am still fairly young. The coffee shop clientele was mainly people my age or younger. Is this a common thing now or just in my area?

I've noticed it in other places. I was raised to hold open doors etc, am I hopelessly out dated already?!

OP posts:

Whistlingwaves · 05/12/2012 10:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GwendolineMaryLacedwithBrandy · 05/12/2012 10:46

Because it was your choice to have children and why would you expect people to put themselves out for you... or summat like that

Actually i find most people very helpful when i'm out and about and i aim to be helpful too. And my left shift key isn't working... :(

TwasTheDawnDeeforeXmas · 05/12/2012 10:49

yy to teenage boys being the best (or ime most prolific) helpers.

They hold doors open, help lift the pram on and off buses, move out of the way to let me pass. Don't know what it is but mums/dads of boys are doing a damn fine job round where i live

hazeyjane · 05/12/2012 10:51

I once had 2 lovely old ladies help me lift ds in his pushchair onto a bus. He was asleep and I was trying to get him out, when one of them said, 'oh don't wake him up, we'll help' they took the front end and I hoiked up the back. They were lovely.

If no-one offers to help and i am struggling, then I always ask people, because most people aren't being rude, they are just in their own little world, and quite happy to help if you ask them.

5dcsandallthelittlesantahats · 05/12/2012 10:52

I often have people offering to help - apart from oddly on buses where I have asked and been refused quite a few times. It really seems to depend on the situation how many people help. Holding doors fine, helping to hold baby while folding buggy is not.

Whistlingwaves · 05/12/2012 10:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLorraTurkey · 05/12/2012 11:35

Actually thinking about it

When my kids were little, it was nearly always men and boys who offered to help

Hardly ever women?

WelshMaenad · 05/12/2012 11:39

It's been a rare occurrence that I've not been offered help when out with the pram, or Dd's wheelchair. On one occasion I mistakenly thought a train station had a lift when it didn't, and two teenage boys carried my pram up about 100 steps whilst I followed carrying baby dd.

I think people are still intrinsically kind. Maybe it's where I am, though, Cardiff/valleys folk are pretty friendly by nature.

Frontpaw · 05/12/2012 11:47

I once gave a new mum a masterclass in bugaboo manoeuvres and folding in the park! She had locked the wheels and was bashing it to get the carrycot bit off. She was getting annoyed, and we had had one similar, so I had already had my John Cleese moment with mine.

LadyMaryCrawley · 05/12/2012 12:04

Re the boys/men being more helpful, well... last week at antenatal class we were all in the waiting area beforehand and there were at least three very pregnant ladies standing while various accompanying men were sitting... maybe they all had mobility issues, but it didn't look like it.

Then again, we had a dance rehearsal here a couple of weeks ago. I had to go up to the stage to speak to our techie, and just as I opened the stage door to walk through it a stream of teenage girls scampered past me as if I didn't exist and two of them managed to smack into my (prominent, unmissable) baby bump and didn't even apologise, let alone say "thank you" as I held the door open!

Bitches!

PrincessScrumpy · 05/12/2012 12:34

I have twins and never expect help but I am lucky enough to have experienced lots of very kind and helpful people in the West Country. Some people may have back issues, be post op etc that stop them holding heavy doors etc - never assume people are in a position to help, you don't know what is going on in their lives. Most people are lovely imho

fedupwithdeployment · 05/12/2012 12:42

I helped someone with a buggy trying to get on a train in South London yesterday. I have carried buggies up tube stairs. I have also carried a 4?? yo boy off the bub (Mum there, but v pregnant with another small child).

JingleBellsRawSharkSmells · 05/12/2012 12:49

I was very ignorant and never offered. Since DS i have seen the error of my ways and am now double helpful to make up

MrsMarigold · 05/12/2012 13:06

I 've always offered to help and it seems like karma people always offer to help me - I have two children under 18 months and live in London - I go everywhere - tube, trains, bus etc and have never had a problem.

DeWe · 05/12/2012 14:23

Having been round lots of places with prams etc. for over 10 years, I don't think I've ever been in a situation where I've thought that I need help and it hasn't been offered. Even in London I always had someone offer to help up stairs and onto trains/buses. The bus drivers round here used to get off to help if no one else could.

I obviously just look helpless don't I?

YouBrokeMySmoulder · 05/12/2012 14:27

Same as Ethel. Will always help with a Maclaren or similar but cant with a threewheeler etc as my back isnt up to it. Tbh when mine were in my maclaren techno I could lift the whole thing up with the toddler/baby in it and go up and down the stairs. Those were the days [looks wistful]

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin · 05/12/2012 14:29

Tbf though if people are sat having a coffee they probably didn't want to be up and down every time someone came in with a pram.

It's different to helping someone on the train. You do it and off you go.

SantaisBarredfromhavingStella · 05/12/2012 16:25

Not at all out dated, I'd always offer help-it's just rude not to really.
My experience has always been that males are more keen to offer assistance too.

racingcars · 05/12/2012 16:37

I never really needed help when I had dcs in a pram and I assume most parents prefer to be independent and don't want to be treated as helpless or incapable. I have offered to help before but mostly they turn away help, unless they have an unusually large load, like twins and lot of luggage as well.

ethelb · 05/12/2012 16:41

@youbroke the other problem with a three wheeler is that there is nothing to hang onto like with a mcclaren. You can just grab the foot board of that and head up the stairs while mum lifts the other end.

I think i would look like the clueless, childless individual that I am if faced with one of those travel systems that seem to have everythign short of an ejector seat in them, and imagine it would be v embarrassing when I realised I couldn't lift it as it was SO HEAVY.

Pixel · 05/12/2012 18:21

I used to manage fine in most situations as I mastered the art of balancing the buggy on my hip to carry it, even with ds's SN buggy I could do this with him in it as long as I could hold a banister with my free hand (and going backwards through swing doors helps a lot ). However, if I couldn't manage (perhaps if I had a lot of shopping) someone always kindly offered to help. We went to London a couple of weeks ago and a young man helped me get ds's wheelchair on a train as the step was higher than I expected and we were in a rush to get on. It did cheer me up after all the trauma of having to take the tube (am not a Londoner-was a bit frazzled and obviously looked it!).

I don't think things are necessarily better or worse than 'the old days' when it comes to helpful strangers. My mum has told me how she was trying to get home once up a very steep hill with our big coach-built pram in the snow. She slipped over but hung on to the pram for grim death as she had my newborn baby sister in it and me in a toddler seat on top and we were by a main road. She took all the skin off her knuckles and knees as we slid down the hill but not one person stopped to help her up! That was 40 odd years ago but we always imagine people were more chivalrous then.

Shenanagins · 05/12/2012 20:32

I found people generally quite helpful but was shocked to read upthread from a poster who had received an earful for offering to help!

SproutsMakeRudolphPongwiffy · 06/12/2012 09:01

I just think that a small thing can make such a difference to a person's day. But I hold doors open for other people if they need it.

2rebecca · 06/12/2012 09:41

I hold the door open if someone is just behind me, but if I was sat having a coffee with a friend I wouldn't want to be getting up continually to open the door for people and when my kids were small wouldn't have wanted people to get up from their tables to open the door for me.
I never had a huge pram though and usually found I could open the door with 1 hand and manoevre pram/ pushchair (usually push chair if going into cafes) in.
Does the cafe need a differently designed door or to employ more staff to assist customers? It shouldn't be the job of customers sat down in cafes and restaurants to open the door for customers, that's the business's job.

SproutsMakeRudolphPongwiffy · 06/12/2012 10:23

It's a very crappy Starbucks and has a stupid entrance, it's also very dirty. The regional divisional manager was by the door and didn't bother to help anyone. I was only there as my friend wanted to meet there. I've more than remembered why I don't go into that one!

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