To think its up to you if you tell people before 12 weeks?

[Catsnotrats]

Had a conversation today with my manager about another colleague who is 7 weeks pregnant and has told quite a few people, mainly because she's excited and also wants a bit of support and understanding from colleagues.

My manager felt that it was inappropriate in case the pregnancy didn't last. My view is that is up to you what you feel comfortable with, and actually having those around you know if you do miscarry can be helpful (I've never been pregnant so don't actually know from experience!), but if you want to keep it private that's also fine.

Just wondered what other's views were on this. I just can't understand why there is such superstition around telling people in case you miscarry.

You can still ask for miscarriage support if people didn't know you were pg first, I mean to add.

I think it is up to the parents to decide on what suits them as we are all different.

i am currently 10 weeks with my second pregnancy and we are waiting till Christmas to tell family as we will have had the scan which makes it feel real to us and also it will be some nice news to share.

we do like keeping it to ourselves for a wee while as it brings us closer together with our little secret but each to their own.

I thought I would want to tell everyone as soon as I became pregnant. We were due to have a cycle of IVF starting the 3rd day after my period. Both my family and in laws knew (we come from huge families so that is about 40 people just with siblings and close cousins/aunts/grandarents/parents) some of our friends also knew we were due to start IVF as did both of our bosses.

My period never came I got pregnant just before the IVF cycle was due to begin. I was only just 4/5 weeks pregnant and we had to tell everyone as they were all asking about how I was feeling taking the IVF drugs.

It felt really wrong telling people so early, I wish we had the choice to wait longer. If we are lucky enough to have DC2 I think we will keep the pregnancy "our little secret" for at least a few weeks :)

With DC3 we decided not to tell ANYONE until 32 weeks! We just couldn't be arsed with everyone having an opinion and yadda yadda. There seems to be politics that go along with having a baby, everyone suddenly feels they have a right to intrude in your life. Its ok with your first because you are nervous, excited, confused etc and appreciate their help (ok so they do get overbearing). But after that its just flipping irritating.

Was funny. My mum thought i'd got fat and didn't want to offend me.

I told everyone as soon as I started being pea green and clammy with all day morning sickness. There really wasn't any point in not saying anything, it was pretty obvious what was going on.

I didn't tell people the first time and did mc then had people being funny about me being off sick close to Xmas - I ended up telling them I had mc anyway.

My next pg I told the people I work close with quite soon as it fell easier and they understood if I was a little stressed ( v busy and competitive area to work in and we had little slack available so it helped.

I'm on my third pregnancy (one mmc and one chemical) and I always tell my parents and my best friend as soon as I know. Then we gradually let our other close friends know because if I'm not out drinking alcohol they will definitely know something is up! I don't tell work colleagues as they are too gossipy. I let slip to one by accident and to be fair she didn't tell anyone but she did tell people when I lost it. Was not happy about that. But quite a few people came and told me about their losses too after that.

I fail to see how there is a right and wrong, it is up to the individual/couple how they wish to handle their pregnancy. Frankly I think it harkens back to the days when women were blamed for miscarriages so they kept early pregnancy a secret to protect themselves. But each to their own, it is not an issue that needs to be judged by others

I did not tell work till 20 weeks. i had had miscarried before (at 6 weeks, before i could tell anyone) and waited until the 20 week scan - i would not have wanted to 'share' losing a baby with people at work. Good friends knew about pregbancy.

With my next pregnancy i had to do a kate and announce it at 6 weeks. Sick non stop and going to the bathroom frequently to throw up. Could not have kept it to myself any longer.

I had to tell work on dc1 as i was working in a hospital ward which was closed many time due to MRSA and C.Diff ect so to protect me and my unborn baby i had to come off the ward and other ward was also effected so it was logical to tell my boss.

2nd pregnancy i was pushing very heavy trolleys full of linen around the whole hospital so again i had to tell my boss.

I like your style SantaWearsGreen

I remember 'clocking' how a member of our team at work was treated as soon as she announced her pregnancy - at around 10 weeks. Important projects were swiftly diverted away from her pregnancy addled mind and she had to put up with months of crazy convo making from all and sundry. I will never forget our finance director coming into the office and advising her that men need to eat during labour too

She was 'caught' closing windows one day and promptly told off - "in your condition" !!

It was ridiculous.

On the back of all this, I didn't say a word until I was really starting to show -at around 21 weeks. Mainly to avoid being discriminated against in terms of work allocation/projects/developmental opportunities and to avoid unwanted comments/convo/attention.

I didn't tell with my first (fine). I also didn't tell with my second which I lost at 12 weeks. I then had to tell certain people that I had been pregnant and now wasn't. That was one of the hardest things I've had to do. With my third I told anyone I felt like as soon as I wanted to.

I agree about the shameful secret aspect. People don't want to know before 12 weeks in case you miscarry and they have to face you. It makes their life easier if they don't know.

Totally agree MrsRambo.

My company has very few senior women and as soon as I announce a pregnancy, I know that people will switch off a bit from many of the big projects I am pushing on. I am very driven and a lot of things happen (like salary rises for staff/trying new things) because I am always going round fighting these battles. As soon as you announce a pregnancy, your priorities slide a bit further down everyone else's agenda as you won't be around in a while.

So quite aside from the miscarriage issue, I'd prefer to wait for that reason too. But obviously everyone should reveal their own news exactly when they want to - my experience wouldn't be true for everyone.

I was quite unwell with DS1 so I told everyone early as it was easier and I needed some help at work. We told everyone early with DS2 also as I just felt if something happened we would have to tell everyone anyway.

My friend had a miscarriage at just under 12 weeks and hadn't told anyone - she then had to tell everyone that she had miscarried, it was awful.

It is completely up to the couple and no one elses business!

My view is that is up to you what you feel comfortable with, and actually having those around you know if you do miscarry can be helpful

I miscarried at 7 weeks, and I hadn't told anybody (apart from OH, obviously) about being pregnant. It was so, so awkward when I tried to take time off work, that in the end I booked three days holiday because I couldn't face telling my boss that a) I was pregnant and b) I'd miscarried, in the same conversation. I couldn't help thinking that if I'd told people, I'd only have to have one conversation. I didn't tell anybody, I was a miserable sod for a few months and nobody knew why. It was awful.

miscarried at 8 wks - no one (apart from DH) knew I was pregnant although did tell immediate boss afterwards. Glad I did as prefer to dealwith things privaely between us.

DS - told running buddy at 6 weeks as thought it only fair she knew in case i keeled over whilst out running! same immediate boss was told unofficially at 10 weeks, family/friends at 14 ish weeks and work officially at 22 weeks.

DD - family/friends at 14 weeks ish. Work at 23 weeks. Luckily I could get awaywith leaving it so late both times as never put on much weight.

I told my work colleagues at 6 weeks when I found out I was pregnant, but only because I had morning sickness and wanted to request them to stop sending me to another branch that was short staffed to help out as the train journey was awful with the sickness. Close family knew from the start too and a couple of friends asked me outright if I was pregnant (giving up smoking and drinking was a giveaway and they knew I had been TTC) and I told the truth because it somehow felt unlucky to say I wasn't pregnant when I was, although I know that is irrational and nothing you say can cause a miscarriage.

YANBU.

It's entirely up to the couple in question. Everyone's circumstances are different.

Personally, I didn't want to tell anyone except DH until after the 12 week scan - I was feeling a bit supersticious and I wanted the reassurance that there was actually a baby in there. Ended up telling close family and friends a few weeks earlier when we had a bit of a scare and got checked out in the EPAU (all was fine, luckily).

But I put off telling work because I was worried that it would negatively affect how I was treated at work.

We told family & v close friends at 6 weeks. We didn't plan to, but we were too giddy about it and just blurted it out.

Didn't tell colleagues until 16 weeks though.

2nd time around, managed not to tell most people until 20 weeks and our 3 year old was told at 7 months which I thought was pretty restrained of us!

I wasn't telling work then miscarried at 12 weeks (although probably had stopped being viable a few weeks earlier as I stopped feeling pregnant). Then I told my work colleagues who were all lovely and supportive. They were all very normal about it and quite a few of the older women told me their own stories. The blokes at work were equally sympathetic. It was really comforting. I only had a few days off work and felt dissapointed rather than bereaved (I know this is different for different people). I am sure the support I got ground family, friends and work colleagues made a big difference.
Next time I got pregnant and told work at about 14 weeks. They spoilt me for the rest of my pregnancy even though I felt great
I think it is better to wait but it depends on lots of things.

YANBU. With all my pregnancies morning sickness hit hard at 6 weeks. Plus nature of work meant risk assessment was vital at the earliest stage. I was signed off work until week 8, then told manager and colleagues on my return as I needed all their support.

A friend told everyone at 12 weeks. Had a mc at 14 weeks. Many women lose babies much later so to not be able to say anything earlier if you choose kind of makes me feel those who disapprove don't see that little bundle of cells as a human being.

OP - do you work with me???

I told because my whole team knew anyway as they had all heard me being sick several times a day.

I'm glad I did now. I'm 8 weeks today and now have a UTI which is not good as I only have one kidney and have had a bit of spotting which may or may not have been caused by the UTI . This has meant I've had two last minute doctor appts this week with another on thursday. Everyone is being so understanding as they know that I am pregnant and ill.

I was terrified of judgy people but noone has been yet (to my face) although one colleague said she was shocked i was prrgnant as I'm not very maternal! Wtf?

I told everyone at about 6 weeks with my first. I had hyperemeis and was throwing up constantly, there was no pretending I wasn't pregnant. It was really, really obvious!

I am pregnant again and haven't told people yet. I am 5 weeks, but will probably tell people before Christmas. It's a personal choice, whatever is right for you.

I told my boss as I was having complications from 6w and needed hospital visits during work time... she told her boss (the head teacher) but only that I was pg and not about problems. At 7w I discovered it was a twin pg and they had strong hb so I decided to announce it as I wanted to be the one to tell people. Most knew I was pg from my boss but the twin bit was my news. I would have prefered to keep it quiet until 12w (although the severe sickness and size of my swollen tummy didn't really allow that anyway).

My head was supportive and pointed out that if anything went wrong with pg everyone cared about me so would be able to offer support so was best they knew early.

with dd1 I waited until 1st scan but was in a sexist industry.

I think it's up to individual.

I didn't tell most people until I was about 20 weeks! Mostly because I knew that if there was anything wrong with the baby, I probably would of have a termination, and didn't get the test results back until I was 18 weeks.

However, I did tell my mum and sister on the day I found out, whish was the first day of my missed period!