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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I wince when women refer to being a mum as "a job"

501 replies

CQuin · 04/12/2012 17:02

It's so mimsy ish, so martyr and yet at the same time.

Our parents would never have said this, is it just the heightened expectations everyone has for everything thee days ?
Would dads say this?

Eg I have two jobs, I'm a mother (or worse "mummy ") and a hat maker." (or whatever )

Fuck off.

OP posts:

LucieMay · 04/12/2012 19:19

I do not recommend this site to the OP haha!

rainrainandmorerain · 04/12/2012 19:20

To get back to the op -

Yes, I have heard a dad describe himself as 'full time dad' - he then had to qualify it/explain by saying he was looking after the children so his wife could work.

I am self employed (ooh, how I envy all those 'working mums' as they seem to like to call themselves, with their sick pay and paid bloody holidays....call that a job? eh? eh?). Sometimes I work full time, which means I have to pay someone else to look after ds, or see if my (also self employed) dp can pick up more childcare time.

Sometimes when work is quiet, mostly when I am waiting to hear back from someone about a project, I look after ds full time.

I have never had any problem saying i was 'working full time' or 'being a mum all day' depending on which i was doing (to be accurate, i suppose it is mostly a bit of both).

i get the argument that 'mum is a state, so we are all full time mums' - but that's defensive sophistry. When we work full time, we are parenting part time. If we weren't we wouldn't need to pay someone else to look after them. It is literally impossible to work full time AND parent full time.

That doesn't give me problems when I describe myself in whatever way is appropriate at the time - I don't see why other mums are so desperately defensive about it.

catgirl1976geesealaying · 04/12/2012 19:21

God that site makes me boak :(

HoneyDragon · 04/12/2012 19:21

People always wince when I say what I do for a living.

It's tough being a professional Free Loader and Cunt, but really I think it's terribly rude when they wince.

merlottits · 04/12/2012 19:21

What the hell is an A&E surgeon? You just made that up!

takataka · 04/12/2012 19:22

What do you mean 'mums get so little respect for what they do', Freaks?

proud

HoFlippinHo · 04/12/2012 19:22

Blimey CQuin - have you been on a typing course?

HalloweenNameChange · 04/12/2012 19:23

You wouldn't refer to being a wife or a daughter as a job, so why do it for mother
catgirl1976

I have never had to wipe dh or my mother's arse, if I did it would be a job and I would be a carer. That's why.

HTH

I hate "full time mum" as well

I am a full time wiper of arses thank you. So yes, it is a fulltime position and my dh only wipes arses on a very part time basis. For the record. No he is not less of a parent but that does not change the fact that it is what I do in contribution to the house. You don't seem happy with anything a sahp says they are? What is an acceptable term in your eyes?

HalloweenNameChange · 04/12/2012 19:26

I prefer vocation anyway....

that site is nauseating, I am well impressed she is the highest paid person though ever as she is paid in pure love... I get mostly a lot of crap and screaming. Pure love would be nice.

bumblingbovine · 04/12/2012 19:27

takataka · 04/12/2012 19:27

I agree with catgirl How can you class your relationships as jobs??

if you are a SAHM, why do you need to say you have a job??? You dont have a job, and that is OK

rainrainandmorerain · 04/12/2012 19:29

To pick up on Hallowe'en's point, and I asked it myself earlier -

If someone was caring for a parent with dementia or a disabled sibling, such that it took up most of their time and meant they were not in paid employment -

Would you object strongly to them describing themselves as full time carers? Or describing caring as a job?

Genuine question.

HalloweenNameChange · 04/12/2012 19:31

takataka read my last post or rainrainandmorerains

catgirl1976geesealaying · 04/12/2012 19:31

I'm not unhappy with anything a SAHP says.

I just don't think bringing up your own children is a "job". Like doing your own cleaning is not a "job".

It really doesn't matter. It's work. It's hard work. It just isn't my definition of a job. If it's yours, well hooray. We are allowed to have different opinions

"Full time mum" is an annoying term (to me) due to the implication there are "part time mums". There's something a bit smug sounding about it to my ears. Again, we don't have to agree.

rainrainandmorerain · 04/12/2012 19:32

Relationships are not all the same. Writing a card to an elderly relative hundreds of miles away a couple of times a year is very different from spending every day caring for them, washing them, getting them on and off a commode, wiping arses and helping them eat, after preparing all of their meals, and doing all their laundry.

HalloweenNameChange · 04/12/2012 19:32

no, of course you haven't got to agree, but you did agree with an op who said women who say this make them cringe..so it is possible some people might be offended?

HalloweenNameChange · 04/12/2012 19:33

and you did make a bad point about sahp being the same thing as wife/daughter

catgirl1976geesealaying · 04/12/2012 19:34

I wouldn't object to someone saying they were a carer

I would find it odd if they refered to caring for a relative as a "job"

If I cared for a parent with dementia it would be hard work, take all my time and be the reason I wasn;t in ft employment but no way would I describe it as my "job"

catgirl1976geesealaying · 04/12/2012 19:35

My point on the wife / daughter things was regardless of the amount of work involved caring for your family is not a job.

Goldenbear · 04/12/2012 19:35

Catgirl, IMO you don't have two jobs and a SAHP has one. You have one job and you are a Mother. I suppose a SAHP calls themselves that to draw the distinction I just outlined. If you are a SAHP your 'job' is providing care in the hours that you would be at work. You of course can be very good at that or very shit just like people in paid employment - there are people who are efficient and good at their work, there are others who are not.

valiumredhead · 04/12/2012 19:36

It's my job. Couldn't give a stuff wether you like the term or not.

catgirl1976geesealaying · 04/12/2012 19:36

Me wincing a "full time mummy" offends some people...the term "full time mummy" offends me

It's like a circle of offensiveness :)

takataka · 04/12/2012 19:37

i would find it very disrespectful to call caring for my mum a 'job'

rainrainandmorerain · 04/12/2012 19:38

Does a lot of this stem from working mothers (defined here as being in paid employment) feeling unhappy with how they think they are perceived?

I work (am the main breadwinner) and have lots of conflicting feelings and often feel i don't know the best way of doing things - but NONE of this makes me angry at mothers in different situations, or how they describe themselves, including those who for whatever period of time do full time parenting, rather than part time parenting.

Maybe i am happier with my choices than I thought!

DoingItOntheRoofTopWithSanta · 04/12/2012 19:39

I think if you are happy with your own lot and confident in what you are doing, you really don't think twice about what other;'s do rain

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