AIBU to not want MIL to descend on us on my due date

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MIL has just phoned to say they 'happen' to have been offered a college course interview 2 days before my due date for my SIL and that will mean they can travel to that an then on to us just in time for the baby!

She is difficult at the best of times and we don't really see eye to eye as our genral outlooks are very different and the thought of her wading in to what I see as a special bonding time for our new family is really stressing me out .

Now, while I have no intention of denying her acess to her grandchild AIBU for not wanting her there at that particular time? (I have tried telling her the baby might be late but she says it would only be 4 days max - don't ask me how she knows!!).

Yanbu

I don't care if you are my mum or the dads mum, I don't even care if you are Robbie Williams mum and are willing to offer him to me covered in chocolate every lunch time for the next 5 years

You are still not coming to my house when in all likely hood I will be on labour

I haven't read this as a MIL-attacking thread. I've read it as an about-to-be grandmother who isn't thinking about the about-to-be parents, which is what she should be doing.

FWIW, my in-laws had been hoping for a grandchild for a long time. By the time DH and I married, his much older sibling had been married for well over a decade but had no children. PILs were very quietly over the moon when DH and I told them that we were expecting. By coincidence, my much younger sister fell pregnant a few weeks before me. My parents were much younger than my PILs.

That was back in the 1970s, when first-time mothers&babies stayed in hospital for ten days post birth, and visiting times were heavily restricted. Visitors other than partners were restricted to either Thursday or Sunday evenings for one hour. I told my mother that I wanted my PILs to visit first, as they'd waited a long time, and that my mother had already had that first visit when her first grandchild was born just six weeks before mine. She made a cat's bum face at me, because in her view "mother" comes first - but that meant her, not me.

yanbu. Keep people away until you are ready for visitors.

Still bitter 6 yrs on after the way my FIL and MIL behaved when I had DC1. They drove 200 miles, watched me puking my guts up after an EMCS then told XP I was a shit mum. (he was an asshole and told me this, yes I should have dumped him on the spot but I was still drugged up on morphine).

I kept them away second time around. Saw them after 2 weeks and I refused to get dressed just to push home the point I'd had a baby and would rather like some peace.

anyone else feel a bit sad for fathers that THEIR parents not welcome to see the new baby

Yes! as the mother of two sons and no daughters I try and treat MIL the same as my folks in the hope that karma will sort my future DILs out.

It's exciting for the GPs. I know I will have to rein myself in when GCs are born. As long as there's mutual respect all round, I am hoping not to be sidelined when I'm a MIL!

Op could your in-laws stay with your parents? Bit of cross family bonding might be fun for them!

I would just say actually you just want to have some time alone during this time.

I don't see why this question is MIL-bashing. There are several sets of 'rights' at play here and surely no-one reasonable could disagree that the baby and its new mum and dad's preferences should come first if there is a clash? I am worried about the same thing as the OP. My ILs live hundreds of miles away so there can't be a brief visit, and if I have the baby at home as I hope, there won't be any hospital visiting policy to stave them off either. Fortunately my DM is having them to stay and will hopefulky whisk them off if needed.

My main worry is that as my MIL and I tend to argue at the best of times, and children and their upbringing is her main interest in life, there will be some sort of shouting match brought on by the issuing of well-meant advice that will upset me much more than her and make me feel very resentful about the future 10 hour round trips by car that will be required for future IL visiting! In fact this has already happened on a number of occasions so I feel is a reasonable fear!

I think any person with interest in the arrival of a new baby who is not one of its parents should ask themselves 'am I making this about my needs rather than theirs?' and if the answer is 'yes', then back off a bit. From everyone's point of view, surely it is the longer term relationship between the extended family that really matters? Why risk it so you can see a crying baby a few days before someone else? It's not a competition or it really shouldn't be...

'hopefully' darn i-pad, although 'hopefulky' is rather fun, what can it mean?!

meglet i still feel bitter too - i feel your pain.

this time round they dont know at all and its been BLISS, utter bliss - no negativity etc....

op - i really feel for you - perhaps if these mils just asked the question - would it be ok for me to come...then it gives you the chance to say " ohhh yes please of course- however would you mind if - a, b or c!!!! it gives room for dialouge between two people to come to a mutual arrangement!

when mils or fils or pils - or even DP's just TELL you - thats when all the problems seem to occur!!!

just ask for gods sake!

Phineyj

totally agree - ask themselves the question are they being selfish, lots of posters on these threads lay all the blame at the mum to be's door as if she hasnt got enough to worry about and sort out -

I'm not sure why people are so interested in seeing a baby when it is hours/days old surely they don't change that much in a couple of weeks?

Yes they do

My MIL invited herself, FIL, and BIL to stay two days before I was due with DS2, and was upset when I said no!

I didn't want ANYONE staying when I might go into labour, plus I was almost incapacitated with SPD - it was nothing personal.

When they did come and visit, when both DS1 & DS2 were newborn and I had had CSs, they sat on their backsides and had us running around after them, making lunch etc.

My MIL just doesn't seem to have any empathy when it comes to these things - sometimes I just feel like the incubator for her GC.

Oh I´ll be a terrible GM who´ll be wanting to beat a path to the door ASAP.

If I´m lucky enough to ever be one, of course.

Even if you get on well, it´d be unusual to have the relationship that you do with your mum.

I would have thought that we´ll soon be out of the generation of MILs who had 10days in hospital as standard.

Pity my future DIL-I had no tears or stitches & was up & showered within half an hour-I´ll be demanding to know why they aren´t

My PIL were booked on a holiday in Spain until 4 days before DDs due date. I got told 'Don't you dare be early'.

[sgrin] 3 weeks and 5 days early [sgrin].

SIL was going to be visiting a few days later but DD1 had severe jaundice and had to be admitted so that was cancelled. My mother had stayed for a few days after the birth but after leaving went out and developed food poisoning and couldn't come back. Luckily my best friend was visiting and stayed a bit longer to offer emotional support while DD1 was critical.

I felt a little bit bad that my in-laws hadn't been able to come.

With DD2 my mother came to stay/babysit DD1 for a few days, then my PIL came to stay for a couple more. I thought I'd be running around catering for them but developed a uterine infection and went to bed with water/antibiotics/ DD2 and I left them to it.