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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to go to this party?

75 replies

MakeTeaNotWar · 04/12/2012 08:47

DS is 9 weeks old and EBF. He will not touch a bottle - I've tried to introduce a couple of ounces of expressed milk every day since he was 6 weeks old experimenting with various teats and bottle without success.

I would really like to attend my work Xmas party in a couple of weeks and estimate that I would be out of the house for 7/8 hours. DH is happy to look after DS - AIBU to go while he still won't touch a bottle? Am I selfish to potentially inflict distress on such a young baby?

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 04/12/2012 09:09

Yabu

PurpleTinsel · 04/12/2012 09:12

If your DS won't take milk from a bottle or a cup, I don't really think you can risk going to the party. Particularly when you factor in the risk of transport delays.

I know you say your DH has tried giving your DS expressed milk from a bottle - has he done this when you're out of the house? If you were nearby, DS might have refused because he knew you were there IYSWIM.

I'd try going out without DS for a few hours, while staying near the house, and get your DH to try and feed DS while you're out. That way you can test if your DS will take a bottle while you're out, while still being close enough to get back quickly and feed him if he won't take the bottle.

EauRouge · 04/12/2012 09:15

Deciding against a party that's 2 hours away because you have a 9 wo EBF baby is NOT being a martyr!

A night out might do you the world of good. Could you go somewhere locally with a few mates? If your DH phones and says 'DS needs feeding NOW' then better a 5 minute taxi ride that a 2 hour train journey.

Mrsjay · 04/12/2012 09:16

get your husband to feed him for a few days see if that helps dont leave the baby with no milk s you can go to a party though your poor husband and baby baby hungry husband listening to the screaming , is it worth it for a boogie

Mrsjay · 04/12/2012 09:19

hat I'm being a martyr for being unsure

feeding a baby isn't being a martyr Hmm

diddl · 04/12/2012 09:23

Why are you housebound, though?

Are there no friends you could go to/go out with as a night out?

Is this really your only chance of going out for the foreseeable future??

HairyGrotter · 04/12/2012 09:24

YABU, I wouldn't be that far away from my 11 week old baby, let alone a baby who refuses other methods of feeding.

ChristmasSpiritEndorphins · 04/12/2012 09:24

Unless the baby will drink from something other than you, I wouldn't go.

As EauRouge suggests, why not have a couple of hours out somewhere local to you, if you feel like you'd like an evening out?

Mrsjay · 04/12/2012 09:28

I dont understand why you are housebound yes young children are really hard work do you mean you don't get out on your own ? your baby is newborn that is what happens sometimes could you get a break and go out local as somebody else said,

oh what about a syringe the type yu get for getting medicine into children,

Original poster
MakeTeaNotWar · 04/12/2012 09:36

diddl I do see friends during the day, I was just keen to catch up with colleagues that I haven't seen since I left in Sep as I work quite far from home, it was a good opportunity to see everyone.

I totally accept this is what happens when you have small children, the Xmas party seemed like a good idea at the time but is looking less so now.

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 04/12/2012 09:38

could you go out and leave dad with the baby to see if he takes milk if you are not in the house he may take it,do like a practise run

Original poster
MakeTeaNotWar · 04/12/2012 09:39

Yes good idea - maybe we can do that this Sunday (DH at work 6 days a week)

OP posts:
waterrat · 04/12/2012 09:44

I totally support the idea that you need to get out when you can, even with a small baby - but this is totally bonkers! It would be okay if it was a short distance from home and you could get back quickly whenever you needed to - or indeed, pop back and feed - but you can't leave your 11 week old without milk for several hours it's completely wrong! It's cruel and the baby could become ill with distress.

and as others say, you are a train journey away - the london brighton train is often delayed. FOr my first night out without my bf baby I was in a bar nearby, came home and fed half way through my night.

Arrange a night out with friends nearby to make up for it - that will be good practice - as others say, leave the baby with your DP for a few hours over feeding time and see how they both cope - but be nearby inc ase you have to return.

honeytea · 04/12/2012 09:46

I was left to look after my baby sister for around 5/6 hours when she was about 4 weeks old because my brother was nocked off his bike by a car and my mum had to go to A+E to be with him, she didn't want to take the baby because she was worried about the baby picking up some nasty hospital bug.

We had no expressed breast milk just a couple of pre mixed formula packets. My sister was really really not pleased she did scream but she took enough of the milk to satify her till my mum cae home. Maybe using formula will make it seem more seperate to you, your baby might not smell/taste the milk and be reminded about your absence.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 04/12/2012 09:47

Are you completely crazy ? Grin

DeWe · 04/12/2012 09:48

Friend thought her baby (was old through) would drink if there was no other option... she had to come home early. Babies can be very determined.

Could you take the baby with you?

NagooHoHoHo · 04/12/2012 10:08

The only way I would consider it was it my DH came with the baby and stayed nearby. Would kind of take the edge of the party feeling though, eh?

Next year Op Thanks

Kalisi · 04/12/2012 10:08

Yabvu. I wouldn't even consider it. Sorry.

NagooHoHoHo · 04/12/2012 10:11

I agree you could try popping out and let your Dh try with formula?

NagooHoHoHo · 04/12/2012 10:14

And if your baby is anything like mine, he'll take EBM perfectly well the weekend after the party.

CajaDeLaMemoria · 04/12/2012 10:15

Go out tonight. Go over his feeding time for an hour or so - do shopping or something to keep your mind of it - and see how he reacts to DH. He might drink a little, but not very much, in which case repeat again tomorrow night, and see if he takes more.

It took a few days of taking my little sister away from my mum for her to be bottlefed, and she started taking a very small amount. We built it up though, and she started drinking from a bottle when mum wasn't around. She was 5 weeks old, so younger than your DS.

Try it tonight, though, so you know if there is any chance of success, and if so, how long it is likely to take. He'll need to be drinking at least a moderate amount from the bottle for you to be able to leave for 8 hours - I think with all the snow and ice predicted for the moment, you'd need to be confident he'd drink enough for at least 12 hours, to prepare for the worst.

Good luck! :)

YourHandInMyHand · 04/12/2012 10:15

YABU

FredFredGeorge · 04/12/2012 11:53

So you've never tried DH feeding her other than when you're there - which is no different to you trying. You need to not be there otherwise it's just the same.

I'm actually very surprised that you've not allowed and encouraged DD's father to learn to feed her - or that you've not wanted to be apart for more than a couple of hours before now. It's perhaps too late to really start that feeding relationship, but you should try and start it - you need to get out of the house seperate from your baby.

To all the people who are saying "what if you can't get back for 12 hours etc." - the same thing as if you were taken ill, or injured or otherwise weren't available to feed. The father and the baby would have to learn quickly, much better to start that process as early as possible.

Faireenuff · 04/12/2012 12:14

YABVVVVU, and cruel. Seriously, the fact that you would even consider leaving a tiny infant without fluids for this long horrifies me. For a night out.......here you go, richly deserved for even thinking about it Biscuit

Kalisi · 04/12/2012 12:29

I never understood the whole "what if you have a car accident? Or what if you or the baby needed to go to hospital" mentality. These are horrible things to happen and I certainly don't think people can prepare for them. It is an awful situation regardless.
My ds was very poorly and in SCBU for quite some time. I HAD to leave him because I did not have a choice. It was horrible for both of us and I would never consider doing it by choice 'just incase'
If you can avoid upsetting your baby unnecessarily ( and lets face it 8hrs for a work xmas do at 9 weeks old is completely unnecessary) then you should.

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