to wonder what the best response to seeing a child repeatedly hit at soft play is?

[ICBINEG]

Well we have all probably been there....so what do you do?

A child around a year old was playing near my DD and was picking up and throwing things. Each time he did it his mum would say "no - you might hurt someone" and then hit his arm. Each time the kid looked puzzled then picked up the next thing and threw it.

After iteration 5 or so the kid burst into tears, which caused my 18 mo DD to do the same (she is going through an empathy phase apparently and does this every time another kid cries).

AIBU to ask what you do next on a scale of 1-10 where

1 is simply pick up DD and move somewhere else.

5 is saying loudly "don't worry DD, the baby just doesn't understand why it's mum is hurting it....and neither do I.

10 is hitting the mum while loudly explaining that hurting others is wrong.

If my ds was throwing at that age, I'd hold his hand and say "no throwing". he would cry. But not because he was in pain, but because he was frustrated in being stopped from throwing.

I'd probably have moved over and tried to engage mother and child in conversation/a game. Distracting both of them would probably have worked.

They do understand a bit at that age. At least dd2 was perfectly capable of using "no" (by shaking her head) to refuse to do stuff by about 10 months. -knew she was going to be stroppy at that point

I don't hurt him

I take his hand (so he can't touch the cat) smack it (like a tap that gets his attention) look him in the eye and say "no. you don't hurt the cat", then take his hand, gently stroke the cat and say "like this...gentle"

catgirl...I wasn't talking about you personally...I have never seen you interact with your child. The person I saw would have hurt me if they had done the same to me...so I feel that falls into the "hurt" category.

Btw the stroke don't hit worked marvels for us! (although DD was attacking us not a cat) we have also had to employ kiss not bite in a similar vein...also give it to me not throw it on the floor with food...

redirection is seems to work far better than just say no as a strategy....hopefully you are finding the same :)

No does nothhing

He shakes his head at me, grins and carries on

Re-direction does seem to work best.....although I am worried he might start to think his name is "gentle........gentle"

"like this gentle"

hahahaha

exactly

No 1, move away. I don't buy this 'they don't understand' business. Before she could even walk properly DD was using little tricks which involved cause and effect to get her own way. If DS who is only a year older had a toy she wanted she would bite herself/bang her head on the floor/slap herself, cry and then when I gave her attention she would point at DS to blame him. Most of my dcs have been guilty of something similar and have seen it with friends.

But then I'm a smacker and so probably too thick to understand anything

I'd be super impressed with throwing, I've only just taught DD (3) to throw. I have smacked DD's hand for doing dangerous things or hurting her brother repeatedly when told not to. I wouldn't smack her for doing something like throwing stuff when I didn't want her to, I would remove her from the situation and tell her why. Even though I'm pretty sure she wouldn't understand as she has very little receptive language. I basically discipline DD (3) and DS (1) the same way, because they're at around the same level of comprehension - that is I use a stern tone, repeat no and three strikes and they're out of there.

In the situation the OP found herself in, I probably would have gone for a 5, with possible escalation to 20...

Number1....

Anything else us completely UR ...

Not your business how other people parent their children.