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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DP to take the day off to care for DS

45 replies

SantasComingFace · 03/12/2012 07:20

Tricky one this one, DS and I are both ill, high temp, fever, very swollen throat, I am also being sick
Which really really hurts. Today I should be at work and DS at nursery, ive been off a week with unrelated illness and cared for DS while he was ill, lucky I'm
Off really.

Anyway today I am literally crying with pain, my throat is swollen to the point I can't swallow easily and it hurts, I'm shaking because of fever and so very tired.

DS will be up soon and he's a boisterous two year old who is REALLY hard work.

WIBU to ask DP to come home to care for DS so I can get myself sorted? Fwiw DS is two and has had lots of bugs etc but DP has never taken the time off.

OP posts:
strawberrypenguin · 03/12/2012 07:24

Well that's a no-brainier of course your DP needs to stay home and look after DS, you are clearly in no fit state to be in charge of him today. Hope you feel better soon

Fairyloo · 03/12/2012 07:25

Course it's not. It's not just your job to look after your son. It's a joint parenting responsibility.

And your ill and can't look after him

Pooka · 03/12/2012 07:25

Yanbu.

Sounds like tonsillitis. Ou may need antibiotics. Go to the doctor.

TeeElfOnTeeShelf · 03/12/2012 07:26

I'm confused. DS is ill but still very boisterous? In what way is he ill?

But, no, YANBU, to ask him to take a day off. Although he may not be able to and you'll just have to push through, as so many of us do no matter how we feel.

vvviola · 03/12/2012 07:28

I think it depends a bit on what his work's reaction would be, but on the face of it, no YWNBU.

You are sick, by the sounds of it you need to be in bed (and are more likely to recover faster if you get some proper rest)

DH has taken time off to look after me & DC when absolutely necessary, but then his work is quite flexible & he can dial in at various stages during the day. But, I'm still first call for time off if one of the kids are ill (I'm a SAHM/student at the moment so it makes sense for it to be me, but when I worked full time it was still me)

Can your DH take annual leave at such short notice?

HollyBerryBush · 03/12/2012 07:29

If he's really sick, how come he's bouncing round?

Original poster
SantasComingFace · 03/12/2012 07:30

DS and i always end up Ill at the same time so I
Do normally just crack on with it, DP is trying to come home now.

Tee, for example even though he is ill if I lie on the sofa he will bounce on me, he seems to think I'm his personal climbing frame. He's got the sore throat etc but started with it before me and is on day three of anti b's

OP posts:
Fakebook · 03/12/2012 07:31

You're too ill to lookafter a child but still capable of using MN via whatever contraption you're using.

lisad123 · 03/12/2012 07:32

Dh had to take late lunch and go and collect dd2 from school when me and dd1 had flu the other week.
I think it's fine as long as its not going to cost him his job

HousewifefromBethlehem · 03/12/2012 07:33

There's no way I'd be on the computer if I was as ill as you. In fact, I'd go as far as treating you like my teen. Well enough for computer, well enough for school!

HousewifefromBethlehem · 03/12/2012 07:34

*cross post

Original poster
SantasComingFace · 03/12/2012 07:34

Yes fakebook. It hasn't quite reached my fingers yet

OP posts:
SomebodySaveMe · 03/12/2012 07:35

I'm slightly confused as to how a sore throat effects typing ability!

Fakebook · 03/12/2012 07:36

But it's already in your head isn't it? I couldn't look at bright glaring screen on a computer or phone if I was that ill.

Fakebook · 03/12/2012 07:37

She is also shivering with fever. I'd expect that to affect typing capability.

Proudnscaryvirginmary · 03/12/2012 07:38

Why does it always fall to you to take time off?

Is there more to all this? Why can't you just say to dh 'I'm sorry you are going to have to take the day off, I'm too ill'.

Something in your post rankles - the laying on thick of how ill you feel (I've had tonsillitis recently and know exactly how painful it is so I'm not disbelieving you). I don't know if it irritates me because it smacks of you having to validate your position/get permission from us to tell a (selfish?) man he has to stay home or whether you are the type of person who has to go on and on about how bad things are for you in rather dramatic terms - sometimes less is more! Just saying you are too ill to look after your son should be enough for dh.

strumpetpumpkin · 03/12/2012 07:38

yanbu, my dp would take the day off as would any partner who cared

AThingInYourLife · 03/12/2012 07:38

"You're too ill to lookafter a child but still capable of using MN via whatever contraption you're using."

Hmm

Yeah, lying on your back tapping your phone is just as hard as looking after a toddler.

Who are you trying to impress by being mean?

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 03/12/2012 07:42

YANBU. And I agree with Proud.

Fakebook · 03/12/2012 07:43

I'm not being mean. I'm quite generous as it happens.

Original poster
SantasComingFace · 03/12/2012 07:43

Proud, I think I was validating it to myself more than anything. I called DP, told him I felt worse (he went to work at 4.30) and he said he'd come home.

I do agree that DP should take time off with DS when
He's ill, it just always seems that he gets up unwell and dp has left. I'm lucky as my work are very understanding

OP posts:
belindarose · 03/12/2012 07:44

God, some of you are trying to be big and clever with your nastiness.

OP, it is very hard looking after a toddler when you're ill, especially if they're ill too. And they can behave very differently to adults when they're ill. If only they'd just lie down nicely and sleep!

YANBU to ask DH, but depends on his job. My DH had to take time off last week as baby and I had d&v and I couldn't look after 3 yo as well. Now he's having to be very flexible as baby and I are in hospital. I have to admit, he appears somewhat grudging about it, but is doing it.

yellowsubmarine53 · 03/12/2012 07:46

Sounds like OP wanted someone to 'talk' to - I don't expect that she's planning to spend all day on MN.

Glad that dh is on his way home and hope you both feel better soon.

RedHelenB · 03/12/2012 07:51

If you work does ds not normally go to childcare? Sounds like he is well enough to go if so.

TeeElfOnTeeShelf · 03/12/2012 07:51

Ah, I see. I've had an ill boy like that too! You half want to just ship them off to school/nursery even though you know they are too ill to go. Xmas Grin

And do fuck off all of you 'why are you on MN then?' people. I have been even more ill than the OP and still read and wrote on MN. A sore throat etc doesn't affect your fingers or your brain. I've even MNetted gasp with a migraine on more than one occasion.

Support each other, people. Try to remember that, okay?