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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to veto this Christmas present price capping?

27 replies

Cbh1978 · 02/12/2012 16:36

My partner's sisters are millionaires. With a lot of disposable cash they spend on new cars, flash holidays etc. They have had a chat, and between themselves and their mother, have decided that

A) we spend up to £10 on each person's Christmas presents
B) because one sister has three children, we should buy for the three children but not their parents. However, they will buy for our son plus us, as that makes three presents (?!).

We are skint and always overdrawn by thousands etc. On the one hand this sounds like a top plan. On the other, it is hardly very christmassy. And a bit odd not to be consulted about this new 'policy'.

In the past, my partner has chosen beautiful, thoughtful gifts for her family. They have not really reciprocated the thoughtfulness. And I would be surprised if their gifts cost as much as £10. One year, my partner and I were given two books marked '2 for £10'. Perhos we shuld have a £5 policy?...

Have always found it a bit odd, but we are not materialistic so don't mind. It is more the lack of thought, given my partner will spend hours creating photobooks etc for them

It is not that they are being kind to us, as I don't think they know how hard up we are.

So, any other theories for the £10 cap? Won't our nieces think we are a bit mean for not buying their parents anything when their parents give us something?

I vote to veto the policy -especially given we were not asked - but would appreciate your (gentle!) thoughts...

OP posts:
Hopeforever · 02/12/2012 16:41

Not sure why you don't like the idea of spending less and buying fewer presents. Can see why you would have liked to be consulted.

What does your partner want to do though?

WipsGlitter · 02/12/2012 16:42

It's up to your partner to talk to her sisters. It's sounds like they DO know you are skint and are trying to help. I think lots of families (mine included) have had similar discussions.

coldcupoftea · 02/12/2012 16:47

We only buy for the kids and a few years ago we decided on a £10 per child maximum. It works for us as DH and I have 9 nieces and nephews so that's £90 before we even start on our own kids!

SIL has 4 kids while we only have 2, but I wouldn't expect her to buy gifts for us to even things up though.

So to me it seems a sensible idea- I guess the only weird thing is that they didn't ask you first what you thought.

Whoknowswhocares · 02/12/2012 17:01

Are you sure your partner hasn't let on about your finances? Ot let it slip by way of moaning about prices, saying she can't afford xyz in general conversation? It surely can't have gone unnoticed that your lifestyle is very different to theirs

Sounds like a good plan to me. It's not supposed to be about what you spend is it?

FredFredGeorge · 02/12/2012 17:07

If you're thousands overdrawn, presumably you weren't going to spend much money anyway on all these people - so now you're free to carry on with your thoughtful presents without any guilt of them spending more money on you - but given that you say they never did anyway (and a little grabbing, the fact the books were half price is irrelevant if they were thoughtful gifts)

if you were spending a lot before - then it's not surprising your overdrawn with such inappropriate expenditure.

YABU.

TwitchyTail · 02/12/2012 17:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Greythorne · 02/12/2012 17:15

I think you have a problem with your DH's family and it's a wider problem than capping Xmas presents!

You don't seem very warm to them (fair enough) and possibly a bit envious of their material wealth.

But what theybare suggetsing actually helps you in your financial circs, so I would say, gently, YABU.

Just imagine if they said, "let's put a cap at £150.00 per person". Then you would have cause for concern.

AndWhenYouGetThere · 02/12/2012 17:42

I thing ignoring the parents of the 3 children is pretty mean - I'd veto that part and give to everyone, (or exclude ALL the parents' generation and ONLY buy for children, not pick and choose based on offspring?!) but sticking to £10 makes sense.
(Photobooks, if you and your partner wanted to give them, could be made for under a £10.)

Narked · 02/12/2012 18:02

You're skintight and 'always overdrawn by thousands' but a price limit on presents isn't 'Christmassy'

Righhhhhht.

Narked · 02/12/2012 18:02

Skint!

Nagoo · 02/12/2012 18:09

the only thing I think is weird is the buying for adults on one side to 'even things up'. It's like in their desperation not to be materialistic, they are embodying a 'price of everything value of nothing' attitude.

Ragwort · 02/12/2012 18:12

Totally agree with Narked - you are overdrawn by thousands yet don't like the thought of a £10 per gift budget Hmm - do you want to remain overdrawn for ever?

mumeeee · 02/12/2012 18:15

We've got a similar arrangement in our family.

GreenEggsAndNichts · 02/12/2012 18:16

If you're always overdrawn by thousands, wouldn't you welcome this sort of change? More households should have this kind of cap on presents for extended family, imo. Your partner can still purchase thoughtful gifts, they just need to cost less than 10 pounds.

FredFredGeorge · 02/12/2012 18:21

Nagoo I suspect it's not really evening things up that the other families are looking for, but finding a way to continue to happily buy presents for the poor adults - 10quid to the millionaires unlikely to mean squat now matter how "thoughtful", it might at least mean something to people in serious debt.

honeytea · 02/12/2012 18:36

My family have a 5 pound limit for adult presents. I just outright ignore this rule and spend more. I justify it by not buying birthday presents because we live in abroard and the postage is very expensive.

Nagoo · 02/12/2012 18:38

Oh yes sorry I mis-read it as one of the sisters was buying for the other, not for the OP Blush [musttryharder]

In that case, I am fully on board with the 'they are trying to be nice but not condescending' wagon :)

ouryve · 02/12/2012 18:42

If they're millionaires, then the thought that's gone into a present is going to be a lot more meaningful than whether you've spent £10 or £100. I think a price cap is sensible. And why would you want to get yourselves into even more debt, anyhow?

Unless, of course, you're really disappointed that a price cap means they'll not being spending lots of money on you.

nooka · 02/12/2012 19:01

I think that the OP feels that this is an unnecessary rule that won't help her partner, who has traditionally given her sister's family inexpensive but thoughtful presents which have taken time and care to put together. Her sisters have in return given cheap and ill considered presents.

So the new rule will have very little impact on their finances but may take a little bit more of the pleasure of Christmas away. It does sound a bit odd and unnecessary to me, as I would have thought that the rich sisters could use Christmas as an opportunity to treat their sister / nephew and appreciate the effort of their sister's presents. That's what my family have done when there have been income disparities (one year my big sister gave us cakes she sculptured into crazy shapes, and another year I gave everyone an order form for plants I then grew them from seed).

kennyp · 02/12/2012 19:10

my bils wife did this last year. other bil said presents only for children (budget £20) and she said how miserable and miserly he, and subsequently I, was for agreeing with the parents presents boycott.

pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff. christmas. i keep harping on to AA Sundry "what about Jesus?" and i don't even go to church. christmas is just lost under a pile of turkey, breadsauce and debt.

the john lewis sale is something to be thankful for though.

i do think it is off of them to just set the rules without consulting you. just the sort of thing my family in law would do. have put "gun" on my christmas list. hth.

Catsize · 02/12/2012 19:33

Think Nooka has it right.

Why is it always the people with the most money who are so funny abut it? That is probably how they have it in the first place I guess.

Schmoozer · 02/12/2012 19:49

Sounds like they have a good plan,
Sounds like a bit sour grapes that they get thoughtful presents from you and your dp and they get you less thoughtful presents.
I dont think its helpful to compare, you are obviously giving what you enjoyng giving and feel is appropriate as do they,
I've been in situations where there has been a cap on the price of the present,
And if i see something i want to give, but costs a little bit more, then i will, rather than buy something just because its the designated price,

Rudolphstolemycarrots · 02/12/2012 20:10

Why don't you suggest a secret santa instead. So each person buys only one person a gift worth 30 pounds (regardless of if they are an adult or child) . Use the amazon wish list.

plutocrap · 02/12/2012 20:13

Why shouldn't the people with the most money set the cap, as they have set it so affordably, saving face for everyone else? Confused They have, unfortunately rather clumsily, emphasised this by offering you and your OH presents, too.

If you want "Christmassy", you can get it outside your present buying, by cutting holly and ivy to decorate, and leaving your satsuma peels in the radiators! That's cheap enough, and works when guests are absent, too!

Floralnomad · 02/12/2012 20:22

We have had a price cap in our family for Christmas and birthday presents for a few years now ,it works quite well . However I spend more on my sisters because they don't have children and I do ,so I think that's fair . My eldest sister spends more on my children than the 'cap' because she likes to spend as much on them as she spends on her step grand children. ( which was news to me last week when he asked for more ideas!) . I'd be quite happy for relatives just to buy for my children and not for me and DH.

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