To feel sad about having no children at christmas?

[Ducklings45]

I haven't got any children yet and feel quite sad this Christmas. I see all the lovely presents in the shops and wish I had children to buy for.

I haven't met the right person, infact, I'm mid twenties and never had a boyfriend.

I do get worried sometimes that I may never find the right one... I have no idea where I'd even meet someone as all my friends met their partners at uni/ on nights out. I didn't meet anyone at uni and don't enjoy clubbing/ nights out.

I'm quiet shy and have some body confidence issues so I suppose that doesn't help. I know guys as friends but none of them are my type or the ones that are, are already taken.

I don't even care so much about the partner, just having the kids would be fine .

I don't think a sperm bank is a realistic option and my house isn't big enough to be cosidered for adoption.

AIBU to feel a little sad? I want to be proactive but it's tricky.

I love looking after my friends children (and I work with children) and just wish I could create that Christmas magic for my own children that I had growing up. This is the first year I've really felt my biological clock ticking so to speak and it's making me feel a little :(.

I don't know how plausible foster caring might be for you? But I hear it's very rewarding and you could make a big change in some children's lives?

YANBU to feel a bit sad temporarily. But please don't give up hope.

You're in your mid-twenties and you're in no need to hurry to have children.

Without sounding patronising, you are still young, and have plenty of time to meet the right person. And if you read through a load of the christmas threads on here, it is more like the season of stress than the season of goodwill..

I was desperate for a child before I met my DP, so much so that I was looking into sperm donation. Like you, I was mid 20s and didn't feel I had much luck with relationships.

Since I met and fell in love with DP, the urge to have a child asap has subsided. I now want to take my time, get married and spend a year or so just the 2 of us before we have children.

You have plenty of time to have a child, alone or with a partner. If I were you I would try to find a partner first (unless you are absolutely sure you don't want one).

Do you have any hobbies you could meet someone through? Or single's holidays? Internet dating?

I know I am still reasonably young but All my friends have already settled down and are having children which makes me panic more. If they were in the same boat as me, I don't think i'd feel as worried/sad.

Mid-twenties, you have all the time in the world. I had my DD at 38. Find somewhere you can volunteer at Christmas if it makes you sad. Who knows, might be a good way to meet a nice man

Get new friends then.

Why not donate some things to a children's hospital? Then you'd at least be buying for someone, though it's obviously not the same thing.

My friend used a donor. She was in mid thirties and no long partner and didn't want to miss out. She's had amazing support from everyone professionally and personally. I thought it great too.

It certainly is a realistic answer if u wanted it to be and did research. It's no more silly than fostering! Happy to get u details if u wish. It's certainly widened my views watching her. I'm proud now to know them as there's so much love there.

YANBU. But honestly enjoy it. Christmas is far more hectic with kids. Enjoy the childless ones for what they are.

I sometimes miss the christmas mornings we had laid in bed til 11am.

My best friend was alot like you. Very unconfient with her body, shy etc. But lovely. I loved her to bits. She was in her late twenties and was always talking about want kids before she was thrity and how it was never going to happen.

She had pretty much given it up as a bad aim.

Anyway in 2010 she was on a night out and met a group of friends that included my brother, they caught up. They are now married and expecting their first baby at christmas.

She has just turned 30 and often says she can't believe how it worked out. She has know dbro for years, but that night they just clicked.

I now have a fab brother and sister (she has always felt like a sister no a friend) and a nephew on the way.

My point is, life is funny. don't despair.

In regards to a sperm bank
Also as someone who has been a single parent (and that was only for 6 months as we got back together), having kids on your own is infinitely harder. I am not saying don't go down the sperm bank route. But really think about it, having someone there makes life so much easier.
And Dh was hands on when we split. Its still hard.
Being completely alons, meaning no one to have the kids a 1/2 nights a week, a true lone parent must be very hard.

Just make sure you really think about it.

most of my friends had settled down and started having kids in their early 20's.. and sadly by their early 30's, most of them were divorced..

the ones who got married in their later 20's and early 30's seem to have lasted a lot longer..

you really have no need to be worried..

I got married at 31, and have been married over ten years now... it isnt all hearts and roses, but thats life too..

The idyllic Christmas with DC doesn't happen, they play with the tree, the wrapping, the box, the wreath on the door as they come in but not the perfect toys you've picked out.

They eat too much chocolate, get hyper and cry, refuse to comply with anything, refuse to eat Christmas lunch, they won't say thank you to relatives. They won't go to bed, watch the classic Christmas films on the TV, they pick the one toy that came broken/without batteries and act like its the only thing in the world to cry about.

Its hell not idyllic.

I have a friend who is 27 never a had a boyfriend and incredibly shy but is fantastically warm, wonderful personality and makes amazing cakes is uber beautiful. The prettiest person I know, its just she doesn't know it and that makes her even more pretty god I hate her.

My point is, she will find someone and so will you. Being shy or not liking you body doesn't suddenly mean there isn't someone out there for you. And if you don't like clubbing you can be dam sure he won't be there either.

I had never had a proper relationship when I was in my mid twenties. I had zero confidence and was convinced I would never meet anyone due to confidence issues and circumstances (I worked in an all female environment and didn't really socialise). I was looking in to adoption for the future as I knew I wanted children and thought that would be the only way.

I am now 29 and married, I have a toddler and am pregnant due in January. I could have never predicted that was how it would work out for me.

I met my husband online dating, one day I just decided to give it a try to see what would happen. I met a couple of people but that didn't get anywhere and then I met him and things clicked.

Things will work out, it is just hard to see that right now.

Do you want mine? You can return them in January.

YANBU but as others have said, enjoy the freedom you have. Who knows what the future holds for you, also, enjoy getting hammered and not looking after children when you're hungover...or just let me do that but you take DD

I don't mean this horribly but I think you should look at yourself first and get yourself feeling happy about you. To me you sound like you are sidnfing yearning for something ( which is obtainable) but are you enjoying your life now? Are you making it work for you? Do the stuff you like doing. Build your confidence, be happy. People love to be with others who are good company ( not smiley 24/7 but real).

Lecture over.
I had a miserable time in my 20's due to zilch confidence. I had to sort myself out then things somehow happened.

I didn't have my children until I was in my 30s. I do miss the freedom I used to have to drop everything on a whim and travel.

Could you start at least thinking about the process to be approved for fostering. It takes a while and you might think it's for you, or not for you.

You have bags of time, don't waste it wishing it away. Make the most of your freedom, do all the things you won't be able to do when you do meet someone and have kids. Like having a full nights sleep!

you can have mine

Sorry you're feeling blue about it, Christmas always does seem to draw out our vulnerabilities, especially about family and loved ones.

You are young though! Most people I know had kids between 25 and about 38. I wouldn't have wanted to have mine any earlier personally, although that's not a comment on those who do.

It could happen for you sooner than you think, you never know what's around the corner... have a lovely Christmas and don't fret about it too much

You are so young! I dated at that age but always picked the wrong type of guy. Never thought I'd ever be happy in love and envisaged a spinster future! Now 33, engaged, baby due in January. Miracles happen! Enjoy life as much as you can. Have hobbies go out meet friends. If you think you have issues that are inhibiting you, see a counsellor or apt professional. And defo, defo Internet dating, it's the way forward! Hugs xxx

I have two more you can have. They both sleep through.

You're so young, OP. I really am not patronising you but when you're older you'll see there was no need to rush to a sperm bank.

Can I ask you what your problems are with your body image? Is there anything we can do to help you there?

I would just echo what lots of others have said, you are young, you do have years ahead of you.

You are still young, OP.

I didn´t meet my husband until I was nearly 30 & then things went fairly speedy.

Engaged the next year, married the next, PFB the next year & PSB the year after.

We met in a supermarket.

I´m a shortarse & he reached something down for me.

So all those nights out were in vain anyway!