To feel sad about having no children at christmas?

[Ducklings45]

I haven't got any children yet and feel quite sad this Christmas. I see all the lovely presents in the shops and wish I had children to buy for.

I haven't met the right person, infact, I'm mid twenties and never had a boyfriend.

I do get worried sometimes that I may never find the right one... I have no idea where I'd even meet someone as all my friends met their partners at uni/ on nights out. I didn't meet anyone at uni and don't enjoy clubbing/ nights out.

I'm quiet shy and have some body confidence issues so I suppose that doesn't help. I know guys as friends but none of them are my type or the ones that are, are already taken.

I don't even care so much about the partner, just having the kids would be fine .

I don't think a sperm bank is a realistic option and my house isn't big enough to be cosidered for adoption.

AIBU to feel a little sad? I want to be proactive but it's tricky.

I love looking after my friends children (and I work with children) and just wish I could create that Christmas magic for my own children that I had growing up. This is the first year I've really felt my biological clock ticking so to speak and it's making me feel a little :(.

Ducklings, it can be really hard. I'm older than you are (mid thirties) but like you don't have a partner and have never had one! To be honest, it does get harder as you get older - increasingly now, when I meet a man I think is nice and could potentially be boyfriend material, he's already married or with a girlfriend!

The others are right, time really is on your side, and yet I feel for you because people saying to me that "you'll meet that special someone" and stories about people who met their husband when they were 40 don't help (I realise of course they are kindly meant) because I think on some level I never believed that it would happen for me, and of course it hasn't - not sure if that's a self-fulfilling prophecy or not!

I obviously don't have answers here for you but you're not alone.

x

You sound lovely. It is a bit hard for people this time of year, if they want to have a young family to indulge, but I am sure it will happen soon enough. In the meantime take it one day at a time and enjoy the present, would be my advice.

I really appreciate the time everyone has taken to answer my post, I really didn't expect so many replies.

ImperialBlether thank you... I'm not sure, can you wave a magic wand and make me slim and beautiful?

Being slim and beautiful has nothing to do with it! I'm neither and have a lovely DH who loves me for me.

Give yourself some time OP and don't be so hard on yourself!

Ducklings, a huge number of men like women who smile, wear naturalistic makeup, appreciate it when men make an effort, laugh at the man's jokes and wear their hair slightly longer and more feminine, with wear pretty, colourful tops and shoes with medium height heels.

Aim for that and statistically your odds will be pretty favourable, I would have thought.

op, hugs. its not wrong to feel sad. be clear about what you want from life and how you are going to get it. plan a, plan b, plan c. then get to work making it happen. don't sit at home and wait, thinking it will all work out.

PS Obv if the jokes are crap and not worth laughing at, you are with the wrong bloke anyway.

YANBU, and big hugs to you. I remember that ache.

But: I don't mean this horribly but I think you should look at yourself first and get yourself feeling happy about you.

THAT.

It's only now that my eldest is 5 that I realise I had DCs for totally the wrong reasons. I was never happy with myself and I'm still not TBH, I wanted someone to love because I couldn't love myself. DH was the same. Shit childhoods ourselves too. To take it down to its bare bones - it was a distraction. That sounds awful, but accepting this has helped me start to accept things, and stop putting so much pressure on myself.

Now of course I wouldn't change things and my DCs are the light of my life - but you will still have that one day, and if it takes longer, well, it'll be worth the wait, especially if in the meantime you have built up more confidence and experience.

:)

I'm a single parent by choice. It is hard. It is great (the two are not mutually exclusive). Contrary to what people think it's not actually the lack extra pair of hands which is hard, inability to go out (at all) once the kids are in bed, the early starts every single relentless day for years, them being sick in the middle of the night and having to deal with it on your own, even emergency dashes out to A&E in the ealry hours on your own. No the hardest bit for me is the lack of another person to make decisions with - you make major decisions about your childs life totally on your own, there is no-one else in the world that your child is as important to as they are to you, whose opinion comes from the same place as you. Its very lonely making some decisions knowing that its entirely down to you to get it right.

And it has still been worth it.

But I was in my mid 30's when I made the decision to go it alone and 40 before I had a child. The added years of financial savings, emotional maturity, living my life the way I wanted to 100% have made all the difference to the choices I was able to make after that and feel happy with them.

*Ducklings, a huge number of men like women who smile, wear naturalistic makeup, appreciate it when men make an effort, laugh at the man's jokes and wear their hair slightly longer and more feminine, with wear pretty, colourful tops and shoes with medium height heels.

Aim for that and statistically your odds will be pretty favourable, I would have thought.*

BoffinMum WTF! What is this? The 1950s?

BoffinMum - I am a very happy, smiley person, I wear a bit of foundation, mascara and nude lipgloss on a daily basis, I have hair just below my shoulders, I love pastel girly colours and wear a (small) heel with boots.

Interest - nada!

I might add I do the above because it fits with my taste and what I think looks nice, not because I'm desperate.

However I am starting to suspect I'm just too old.

porridge, if that's your style then go for it!

I was just taking issue with the fact that apparently we're all supposed to be doing the same thing to "get a man".

List for men:

Be clean. Many men don't wash enough. Breath is especially important, and nails too.
Wear clothers suitable for your generation and not your dad's or your nephew's.
Be on time
Hold the odd door open if your date is wearing some immensely complicated outfit or carrying something big
Offer to carry some shopping if your date is overloaded, in team spirited kind of way
Do not stride off leavng your date scuttling along 5 metres behind
Talk in restaurants. Many women hate what you call companiable silence.

snowtunes, yes apart from the Stepford wife thing

I usually save my feminist slogan t-shirts for a few dates in, BTW.

Boffin enjoy MN, it's going to be interesting...

one year my son opened a party popper in my eye on christmas morning and this year I cannot afford any of those lovely presents.....
plenty of time for you yet,OP!!

ooops wrong thread
sorry!

or was it?? (confused)