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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be getting fed up with this?

43 replies

ginmakesitallok · 30/11/2012 15:01

For the past 5 years dds friend has come home with us on a friday, they play, I feed them , take them to brownies, pick them up again, run friend home and finally get home around 9. No thanks anymore. Aibu to be getting fed up?

OP posts:

InNeedOfBrandy · 30/11/2012 15:02

How nice of you, I wouldn't of got into this in the first place but I'm sure your dd loves it.

spatchcock · 30/11/2012 15:16

Five YEARS? It will be a bit hard to say something now. You might have to move.

Theicingontop · 30/11/2012 15:17

What are the friend's parents doing the whole time?

GreatUncleEddie · 30/11/2012 15:21

The other parents should surely be doing the pickup run, do they have no car?

No, YANBU. I guess you are doing it for your daughter.

GreatUncleEddie · 30/11/2012 15:22

But how have they been doing brownies for five years? They must be finishing soon?

quirrelquarrel · 30/11/2012 15:24

I assume the OP means that they're currently going to Brownies....probably Rainbows or nothing before then.

Have you tried a singsongy "what do you say" to the child in front of the mother? Yes, rude, but they're ruder.

mummymeister · 30/11/2012 15:25

Needs subtle handling OP. you need to have something completely urgent on next Friday which means that the other parent will have to pick up and drop yours back. Lying is going to be so much easier than telling the truth as you have been doing it for so long. i am surprised that the other parents didnt think "hang on a minute this is a bit unfair perhaps i ought to do my bit" but there you are some people can be a bit selfish.

Original poster

ginmakesitallok · 30/11/2012 16:06

Rainbows for a couple of years then brownies.

Friend's DF works all hours, her DM is lovely, has 2 other DC and although she can drive, chooses not to.

We've never even had the offer of a playdate.

OP posts:

littlewhitebag · 30/11/2012 16:12

TBH it has been that routine for so long the other parent probably does't even think about it. Maybe she has other issues going on and is very thankful for your kindness. Your DD is going to Brownies anyway and i am sure she loves the company. I used to take a friend of my DD to swimming every week as her DM worked. It was no bother to me.

Original poster

ginmakesitallok · 30/11/2012 16:19

agree that that is very much the situation littlewhitebag. Up until now it's been no trouble at all - DDs friend is lovely - they play together pretty well (unless DDs in a strop) and it's no hassle having her here at all. I think I'm just getting fed up with the thankless routine of it all. Never mind - only 2 more brownies' nights to go before Christmas.

OP posts:

InNeedOfBrandy · 30/11/2012 16:41

Maybe you should switch club? [bsmile]

Floggingmolly · 30/11/2012 17:04

Some people just don't think, do they? We had a similar situation (collecting friend from school and onto Brownies later) to help out the mum who worked late on Wednesdays.
We never had a reciprocal invite, but it didn't really register until I overheard her in the playground telling her daughter, no, there's no point in having minimolly over, you see her on Wednesdays anyway, have someone else!
Some people can only see things from their own perspective.

ENormaSnob · 30/11/2012 17:17

I would be pissed off tbh.

Can't stand people that take take take.

Original poster

ginmakesitallok · 30/11/2012 17:19

Couldn't switch club ! Have night off next week as have night out planned (but DP's taking them...) I just know DD would be so thrilled if she was asked round to play. In the summer we had them all round a few times for lunch, BBQ etc - but have NEVER been asked back. It's important to DD to see her friend so I'll just suck it up!

OP posts:

RedHelenB · 30/11/2012 17:22

If you mind doing it stop. If you are happy that your dd has friend round then yes it isn't even but carry on.

DontmindifIdo · 30/11/2012 17:28

she sees her friend anyway at Brownies, so it's not like she won't see her. I'd stop after christmas.

DontmindifIdo · 30/11/2012 17:30

BTw - you could say to the mum you're finding it a bit much having them both every week, and would she like to take it in turns? If not, you're just going to have to stop altogether. Deliver with a big smile and see what she says.

Original poster

ginmakesitallok · 30/11/2012 17:41

But she wouldn't see her friend at Brownies if she didn't come here and I didn't take them. not meaning to drip feed at all but friend lives about 5 miles the other side of brownies, we live about 4 miles this way. Dfriend's mum doesn't take her to Brownies on the rare occassions we can't make it. There's no way she'd take it in turns

OP posts:

Blu · 30/11/2012 17:48

Just find a few occasions to say 'oh, this and that is happening - could you look after getting them home next week, please?'

And a few occasions to say 'I have an appointment, could dd come over to yours after school for a couple of hours?'.

is your house bigger / more recently decorated than theirs? Some people feel very unconfident having people round.

I can see why you feel a bit taken for granted, even though it's nice for your dd and you'd have to do the Brownies run anyway. Is it out of your way to drop her home?

Blu · 30/11/2012 17:50

OMG, you do a 10 mile round trip to take her home from Brownies? That's outrageous! She should be offering petrol money and buying you regular bottles of wine!

ChippingInLovesAutumn · 30/11/2012 17:54

Gin - I'm sure it must grate. Is your house bigger/nicer than theirs? Some people get really embarrassed by either the size or state of their houses and don't invite friends back. I know you said you over heard her in the playground, but maybe she encouraged to her invite a friend whose home is more similar to theirs? It doesn't really excuse 5 years of you doing all the donkey work though and them not even taking your DD for a day out or picnic to the park or anything though. She's probably just very rude! However, if you stop doing it, it will be the little girl that misses out as it doesn't sound like they'd take her - so I suppose it's up to you to decide if you want to do it for the little girl or not (and try not to think about the fact that her parents should be doing it!).

It is a grind though - but as you say, it'll soon be the Christmas break!

ivanapoo · 30/11/2012 17:56

YANBU at all, I would be annoyed at not getting thanks at the very least (petrol money and an extra mouth to feed must add up too). how does she drop off/pick up her DCs usually (for school)?

pippop1 · 30/11/2012 17:59

How does the child get home from school normally?

Can you ask the Mum if she can have DD one day after school as you have something that you need to do. Ask her to bring her back to your house too.

Make sure it's not on a Friday. Maybe the point will be made?

Original poster

ginmakesitallok · 30/11/2012 18:37

Chipping in - I didn't overhear anything in playground, that was a different poster. They get the bus to and from school - no buses to ours so there wouldn't be a way of her getting my DD home.

Our house is bigger than their's (I wouldn't neccessarily say nicer though!) I'd feel guilty about getting her to keep DD - she has 2 other children (6 and 2) and no help during day from her DP. I have one other child (3) but DP usually arrives home in time to have our youngest while I do the brownie run. It wouldn't enter my head to ask her to have DD - I have no idea what the response would be!

(Its more than a mile trip - 8 miles round trip to drop them off, and then about 18 miles round trip to pick up and drop friend off. But I'd be doing most of that with just DD anyway)

Hang on - when they first went to brownies her Mum used to stay in town with her, so i'd just run them home. The picking up after school thing started when she was preg with DC3 - so only about 2 and a half years feels like 5 though!

OP posts:

QOD · 30/11/2012 18:43

I had similar once, well twice!
Taking DD to swim lesson, takin someone else's DD too. Yes I was going anyway and going past their house. But after a year I got so Pissed off that I cried.
Nothin constructive to add to that- just that I know how you feel!

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