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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To disagree with friend who sends her ds to school after being sick 3 times in the morning

56 replies

pingu2209 · 30/11/2012 09:43

My friend is a single mum with 1 child age 8. She works school hours so she and term time only. The child's father is not around and her parents are no longer alive, she has no back up support. If she doesn't work, she doesn't get paid, she doesn't get sick leave and as she works term time only she doesn't get holidays.

This morning she told me her son had been sick 3 times but she was going into work because she needs the money (esp in the run up to Christmas). I was horrified. Not only is she risking other children, but also her poor son should be at home!

Perhaps I am being too judgemental?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 30/11/2012 10:28

I would however help another mother out who was struggling. I wouldn't be keen to have the sick bug but it they sent a child into the same school as mine it would likely happen anyway!

HullyEastergully · 30/11/2012 10:29

I'd give her the missing wage for the day if thing swere that desperate and I didn't want to risk getting the bug.

ImStickingWithYou · 30/11/2012 10:39

My whole family have just had the norovirus because a mum at school sent her child in like this! My son has a compromised immune system and so picked it up immediately, this was very worrying as it could land him in hospital. Luckily, he has come out the other end now and so have my other 2 children.
I understand her dilemma but she doesn't know the situation of every one else in school and how her selfishness could affect others.

MissCellania · 30/11/2012 10:44

She's fucked either way though, give the poor woman a break.

Wallison · 30/11/2012 10:48

the OP's friend should have put her son first

She is putting her son first by going to work to earn a wage to keep a roof over his head. Having gone through the shit with my former boss, I wouldn't judge anyone. If she lost her job and had to rely on benefits as a result there would be plenty on here pointing their fingers at her and her sense of entitlement. Very often when parents - especially single parents because you bear the brunt of everything and there is no-on there to pick up the slack -do this it isn't down to selfishness; rather, it's being in a shitty situation for which there are no easy solutions.

Sirzy · 30/11/2012 10:49

She's fucked either way though, give the poor woman a break.

But now if it is a bug he has her choice has made it so other families are going to be fucked when their child gets it.

Cortana · 30/11/2012 12:31

I'm with Hully and MissCellania, the poor woman is fucked either way.

I don't think anyone in this woman's social circle can be hoicking judgy pants at her actions. No one wants to help in case their DC get sick, but it's an awful and terrible thing for her to send her DC into a school full of children. Unless all of the friends have children with compromised immune systems someone should have stepped up. If parents are sending the children into school it's going to spread like wildfire anyway.

I have been in a situation where I had a sick child at my house for three days (day and night) as her sister was undergoing Chemo at the time. Yes I risked my DS getting ill, but as he doesn't have compromised immunity it was better than her staying with her sister or going to school.

HullyEastergully · 30/11/2012 12:58

And imagine if she didn't go to work.

And got sacked.

And had to go on benefits.

Imagine the threads then. SINGLE PARENT SCROUNGER

PurpleCrutches · 30/11/2012 13:03

It's a shame that she doesn't have any backup, but there's a reason why you're not supposed to send your child into school for 48 hours after D&V!

She won't be popular when half her child's class come down with it in the run up to Christmas...

Cezella · 30/11/2012 13:13

Maybe this is a sign of me being a bit silly, but I look after sick children quite often so their mothers can still go out for work, or just when the mother is ill herself so can't look after the kids herself.

I feel really sorry for her that she doesn't have anyone she could leave him with and she must be desperate poor lady. That said, she ahldny have sent him into school when he's been vomiting, poor little mite

Icelollycraving · 30/11/2012 13:14

I just wrote a long essay of a post & lost it. It said in short,whilst I know it's wrong of her to send him,I do sympathise with her. I am finding it a real struggle with ds & nursery. Between us,dh & I have taken a month off since July. We have no support but do have each other. It must be really hard if you are on your own with no support.

Icelollycraving · 30/11/2012 13:15

Cezella,is that your job or favours?

HairyGrotter · 30/11/2012 13:28

I'm with a select few on this, she's fucked either way. I don't envy her position at all. I have support thankfully, she doesn't. Sucks major donkey dick for her

Icelollycraving · 30/11/2012 13:32

hairy is that a service you provide?!! :o

HairyGrotter · 30/11/2012 13:35

I provide only the donkey Grin

Icelollycraving · 30/11/2012 13:36

:o

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 30/11/2012 13:42

I feel for her but I also feel for the dozens of other kids, their siblings, their parents and her DC's teachers who may well catch the bug because of her child being sent to school. It's selfish. And I say that as a working single parent.

Startail · 30/11/2012 13:55

I think you are all being very smug and a bit untruthful.

I doubt there is a single one of us who hasn't sent a slightly ropey DC into school and crossed our fingers.

48 hours is totally impossible in the present economic climate for many people.

WhoeverHeardOfAWormskinRug · 30/11/2012 13:55

I was in a similar situation when DS1 was going through diagnosis of Asperger's - single parent, working full-time and I needed to take at least one day off a week (sometimes more if he had speech and language, cahms and then a school meeting) to take DS1 to his various appointments.

I simply couldn't afford it - I used up all my holiday taking him, and then started on the unpaid leave. Time off for an actual illness would have tipped things over the edge for my employers I think!

Luckily nowadays I am a sahm with a partner, so I have the luxury of being able to be home with my children when they need me. I would not want to be back in the realms of single-parenthood again, it was hard.

I also have a DS2 who likes to cough and cough till he's sick. I send him to school if he does that - because that's not contagious, but him being silly. (He has Autism and we think it's a sensory issue)

Original poster
pingu2209 · 30/11/2012 14:10

DS2 had reflux and was sick all the time. The nursery he was at would make him take 48 hours off after each time he was sick, although he didn't have a bug, it was reflux. That is why I needed 19 days in 9 months.

If you are working it is a nightmare when they are ill.

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 30/11/2012 14:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cortana · 30/11/2012 14:13

It's awful when no common sense is applied Pingu. DS will shit through the eye of a needle if you give him Kiwi fruit. I asked that he wasn't given Kiwi Fruit. Told no problem, sorted.

Once a fortnight for 2 months I had to take him off for 48 hours due to diarrhea. Noticed a pattern, went to nursery, turns out that was KIWI FRUIT DAY! Morons.

Saski · 30/11/2012 14:16

I really feel for your friend. That's a god-awful decision to have to make. I'd try to find a way to help.

Of course a kid shouldn't be at school after being sick 3x, but it's not quite that simple, is it?

OhYoubadbadKitten · 30/11/2012 14:17

There's a difference between 48 hours and sending the child in the same day though startail and being sick 3 times isn't slightly ropey.

I'm at home today recovering from the dreaded sick bug. Although I don't know where I got it from, I do know that I worked with a child who was sent in too soon with a tummy bug the day before I got the bug. So chances are....
I felt very sorry for the kid. Now I feel rather sorry for myself!

nokidshere · 30/11/2012 14:22

She isn't the first parent to do it and nor will she be last. People do whatever they need to depending on their circumstances. It might not be great or fair but its just life.