Was Grandma being unreasonable?

[CreamOfTomatoSoup]

I recently went to stay for a week with my DM (lives 2hrs away), leaving my DH alone to look after the cat and to go to work (I am on mat leave). DM was telling my DGM about this trip and DGM said 'What did her DH do about his meals?'

Now it actually transpires that DH made the most of his freedom and went out for dinner all but one of the evenings. The one evening he was home he admitted to eating two pieces of southern fried chicken and a raw carrot.

Was DGM being unreasonable for making this sexist comment?
Was DH being U for eating fried chicken and a raw carrot?

I wouldn't mind fried chicken and a raw carrot if I had to..;-) It's vaguely healthy. I'd forgive DGM due to being of the older persuasion. My Gma used to always be saying things like..."Ohhh isn't he keeping you well!" I probably wouldn't have accepted it from anybody else but it's a generational thing and she meant well. I wish she was still there to say it!

It's what she would likely think. I recall my own grandparents. When my grandmother had just had each of her babies, her sisters (they all lived close by each other) would come in and do her 'womanly chores' including fixing meals and laying the slippers by the fire. She would reciprocate.

You're not going to change her now, I reckon.

And as for your DH - if that was what he wanted, then fine! He's big enough and old enough to take his share of doing things.

Neither is being unreasonable.

She comes from a generation where that was her concern. If she was to go away, she would have taken that into consideration. As strange as we feel that is, she will see our point of view strange.

Dh was not unreasonable as he is an adult. I hate cooking for just myself and would have done similar.

DGM was of course very unreasonable to think you married such a feckless incompetent who couldn't feed himself. She should have better faith in you.

DH was not being unreasonable to eat "southern fried chicken" (which I'm sure was baked anyway?) and a carrot.

You are being a bit touchy about a comment from your Grandmother which would be quite acceptable to her way of thinking.
Your DH can eat what he wants surely ?

YABU to say your Grandmother is sexist. She's from a different generation,she was probably asking it quite genuinely with no idea you would be so touchy about it.

This is a total non-issue.

If your not there to do his cooking you cannot comment on what he eats

I'm with Alisvolatpropiis and OkayHazel on this.

I think YABU for not taking on board that your Grandmother comes from a different generation.

Jeeeeeez - why does everything these days have to be racist, sexist, ageist, etc. etc. I am getting sick of it !!

really? you think your granny is sexist?

she made (in all likelyhood a passing comment based on her own experiences)

Your granny's fine don't fall out with her over this

I guess I want to know if you do normally cook all his meals?

I assume you share the cooking in which case the answer to DGM is to laugh uproariously and say don't be silly GM, these days couples share all the cooking. Of course DH can look after himself!

Well it is a sexist comment, isn't it? I wouldn't fall out about it, I would probably tease her about it (and I wish she was still here to tease, ICE's thread has made me miss her very much today) but I would have still pulled her up on it, in a nice and jokey way.

It's also perfectly feasible that the DGM in question is only 60 or so you know. Catch my DM worrying about making my DSD's meals when she's out or away!

Meh......it's a generational thing with you GM. Yes it's sexist but she doesn't really know any better. You could try to change her view but it's probably pretty deeply ingrained by now.

Your DH is a grown man and can choose to live off Haribo if he so wishes

how is it a sexist comment?

The granny would not have said it as a 'sexist comment' , I imagine she was just saying the first thing that came into her head

DGM was BU in equating need to be fed with your presence and obligation.

DH was NBU for getting himself fed according to his preference, skill, timetable, priorities etc, and gets a bonus point for adding a raw carrot to SFC as a meal.

DH is a bit hopeless if he isn't able to cater for himself if he had to or wanted to, but that's not the question.
And people don't lose all theri intelligence, owers of observation and ability to see the world changing once they retire, you know! V patronising to write off older people's beliefs as unimportant and dismissable because they are alledgedly stuck in time.

My Granda, who was a miner, - and was born in 1895 incidentally - used to say: "It's a poor sort of a man who can't fettle himself a meal."

I'm not sure if he was extremely unusual - I suspect he was. He used to help my grandma on washing day if he wasn't at work. Apparently my great-grandma, his mother, had a lot to say about that.

Today's Grandma generation were the brains behind the Equal Pay act, the Sex Discrimination Act, they campaigned for the pill and free contraception, they invented the mini skirt and supported the civil rights movement.

Men knowing how to grill a chop is hardly a cause for 'pass the smelling salts' based on someone being mature enough to have adult grandchildren. Grandma was BU.

Sonia - one of my Grandfathers was like that. He had been in the army. He doted on my Nana completely. He's sadly missed.

I'm lucky in that I still have my other 3 grandparents and 2 step grandparents. I try not to let the funny things they can say bother me.

Example "why is maternity leave so long now? Women just didn't need it in my day".

My Grandad was a dab hand in the kitchen. He made soup, homemade bread, fried sprats, cooked plaice, made summer puddings (and everything else - thise are just the things I remember).

He had been in the trenches in WW1 - men did actually know how to be self sufficient. Division of labour has been a choice for some people, but men making a contribution to domestic labour is hardly a new concept, born of this generation.

Carling that isn't true of a lot of women of that generation outside of the major cities or indeed, just London.

My grandparents were all in their 30's by the time the swinging 60's happened,had been married for years,in the forces etc. I don't believe they campaigned for anything nor wore miniskirts. Nor do I think they were unusual in that.

True Carling, in my Grandma's generation most working class women worked. And in her Grandma's time, most of the women in the area I'm from went down the pit beside the men!

Alis - I'm not sure what my (midlands, semi-rural) grandparents were up to wrt mini skirts, but I am sure they must have been reading the papers, and hearing about the whole 'burn the bra' Women's Lib thing. People had televisions, too. So I agree with CBM, that there must have been some sort of awareness that gender roles are not hidebound.

Do people think that married 30 year olds these days will be oblivious to any social change that happens in their children's and grandchildren's generations? I hope I won't.

Was DGM being unreasonable for making this sexist comment?

If your oh was female would she have made the same comment?

Was DH being U for eating fried chicken and a raw carrot?

Was that what he wanted to eat? Was it someone else food?

'What did her DH do about his meals?'

That's a question, not a comment. All she did was ask a question. TBH I'd probably ask friends the same question if they'd gone away for any length of time as they probably do most, if not all, of the cooking. If she'd said something like 'well I hope she left him some meals to heat up' that would be a bit different.