to think that my friend shouldn't just let her 1yr old scream in public

[fexedmamma]

he's always been a loud baby. He screams a lot (although only in public). It's not screams of anger or upset. It's more like screaming for screaming's sake. My friend just sits there whilst everyone around whinces in pain (it's an ear-piercing pitch). This happens is resturaunts and libraries. I find it very stressful and unpleasant. Worse still, my kids (who aren't screamers) start to copy.

[Meglet]

yes, you have to suck it up and let them get on with it.

If her nerves can take it then ignoring as the best way to deal with it.

[cory]

I have been told that my parents were very proud of their parenting skills until I was born. My db was a lovely compliant baby and toddler who always did as he was told. They genuinely believed they had done that. Bless their innocent little hearts...

[Hemlet]

I think an involuntary seizure and a toddler screaming are quite different. I can't see someone tutting or being annoyed at someone having a tonic clonic fit.

[flow4]

Some children with learning disabilities, physical disabilities and/or sensory impairments are 'screamers', and can't be 'stopped'. I assume the OP knows her friend well enough to be sure that this isn't the case with this DC. But it's worth considering the possibility if/when you see an unknown child screaming in a supermarket.

[Itsaboatjack]

I think you are being both U and NU. My dd2 is nearly 3 and is loud, she just is, always. When she was younger she was a big screamer, there wasn't often anything I could do about it but I did always try. It's bad enough strangers giving you a hard time about it never mind friends. I have had people make comments in supermarkets etc. many times.

Even now she still only has a limited amount of 'quietness' in her, so I tend to be selective about when I am trying to shush her. I have one friend in particular who is always trying to shush her and I find it really annoying, it's her, it's who she is, if you don't like it stop coming round our house (sorry bit if a rant there). But yes when she did start screaming in restaurants or cafes etc I would definitely try and distract and quiet her.

[Cbh1978]

Go to a cathedral. The voice was God-given. God would like it. And imagine the resonance...

[Mylittlepuds]

A 1yo?! Oh dear Lord OP.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

What's she meant to do with him then? She can't not go out until he's 18.

[Rudolphstolemycarrots]

I have an occasional screamer and he ends up on the naughty step every time it happens. Seems to be learning fast not to scream

[dreamingbohemian]

I think it's two separate issues really.

If your DC is in a screaming phase, and your plan is to ignore it -- by all means, go ahead.

But I do think that involves a trade-off, which is limiting time spent in places where it's really anti-social to let your child scream -- especially places where it's not really necessary for you to go, like cafes and libraries.

I mean, no one really enjoys going to Tesco anyway, and you have to get food, so that's not the end of the world. But this idea that everyone in a cafe should suck it up because that's the way you choose to deal with it? Sorry, that just seems really selfish.

It's disingenuous to say 'you can't make a baby stop screaming'. Of course, sometimes you can't. But that's a separate issue to whether it's fair to inflict it upon other people in avoidable situations.

[Gingerodgers]

I like what you said dreaming, I left many an enjoyable afternoon early with friends and their kids because mine were not behaving, it's not ok to spoil things for everyone else.

[Janeatthebarre]

Why should parents of screamer avoid certain public situations? Yes it might be annoying, but there are loads of things that adult diners do that is annoying to others, but unfortunately we cannot ban them.
What about older screamers, should they also be shunned from resturants and libraries? Quote

I don't really get this post. Obviously if your baby is a screamer you still have to go to the supermarket, use the bus etc. But restaurants and libraries are places that can be avoided when you have the baby with you, or places you can leave for a few minutes until the baby has calmed down again.

And of course adults creating loud, disruptive noise in a restaurant or library should be asked to stop, out of consideration for other customers.

[JollyJock]

You're right. Your friend and her child should be confined to their own living room without company until the child is 21.

[HipHopToDude]

My 18 month old DD has started with all this yelling & screaming.

When she is in the throes of it I can't even touch her - if I do she starts screaming "No! No! NO WAY!!" over and over and thrashes recklessly. She will scream and yell until she decides to stop, then she is sweetness and light (with a blotchy red face).

What should I do OP?

[Lottapianos]

'But this idea that everyone in a cafe should suck it up because that's the way you choose to deal with it? Sorry, that just seems really selfish'

I agree actually. Yes, babies do scream but you have to at least try to manage it - it's not reasonable to just shrug your shoulders and act like it's nothing to do with you. If you're not supposed to sort it out, as the parent, then who is?

[ItsALongWayToPickAWilly]

Yanbu. My DS can be a bit of a screamer sometimes, or other times he gets a bit carried away and shouts lots. I'm teaching him about indoor voices and how to behave while out in public. It doesn't always work and there are times when he ignores me and carries on anyway and that is when we leave. Mostly it works and he shuts up.

I will NOT have him screaming and shouting in public, it's just rude. Save it for soft play or another appropriate time.

[Janeatthebarre]

Oh for goodness sake. No one is saying you can't go outside the door if your child is a screamer. Posters are just pointing out that you have to use a bit of common sense and consideration in that situation. A library is known as an area where people are expected to be extremely quiet. Why on earth would you bring a noisy baby in there and then remain on the premises when he is screaming?
Likewise, in a restaurant people have paid to enjoy a meal and have a chat with friends. Surely it is normal behaviour to avoid them as far as possible with a very screamy baby or, if you do decide to visit one, be prepared to leave after a few minutes if you can see he's disturbing other customers.

[dreamingbohemian]

We did stop going to cafes/restaurants with DS for a good 18 months (other than to pop in for a very quick drink). It's really not the end of the world, we never felt confined to our home. We did a lot more picnics, having people over to our house, that kind of thing (which hey saves money as well).

[mintymellons]

It is annoying, I agree, to hear other people's DC screaming. Neither of my two DDs did it.

Having said that, I can imagine that if your child is a screamer, making them stop might be quite a challenge. On the other hand, you should at least try shut them up. It sounds like you're fed up that your friend just lets her little one scream without trying to deal with it. YANBU about that.

[Fakebook]

:(. My 10 month old has an ear piercing shrill scream. If he gets excited, he'll do it and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I can't put my hand over his mouth. I can remove him from the place, but it's a hassle.

Unless you have a cure to this problem or any good ideas about how to stop a baby from screaming, YABU.

(I KNEW I was being judged by someone for his shrill screams...)

[GwendolineMaryLacey]

Ooh my 10month old adores shrieking round Sainsburys. Could you judge me too!

[HearMyRoar]

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all and I think just leaving your dc to scream in a restaurant is just plain rude and inconsiderate. Personally I would not be impressed if on one of my few child free trips out for a meal I had to sit there with someones child screaming in my ear. DD is 8 months and if she starts screaming or more often ear splitting squeals of excitement I try and distract. If that doesn't work I remove her even if that means I pack up, pay and leave. Yup, that does mean I have left a fair few cakes half eaten but that's my own darn fault for having a baby.

[KittyFane1]

YANBU OP. She should at least take her DC out of the cafe or wherever you are. Sitting there smiling is not exactly proactive.

[AlienRefluxLooksLikeSnow]

Thing is, with public places they are public no, you shouldn't make excessive noise in a library,but it happens, because it's a place all people can go. I don't like tramps sitting in their own piss on the tube,stinking, but hey! it's public transport.

That being said, I wouldn't put myself through taking a screamer to a library! A place to eat probably, as they may be distracted by the food, but nowhere posh (does anyone take a one year old to posh restaurants??)

If you can't handle it Op and I can understand that, maybe just meet at the park? Or round each others houses?

[egusta]

I have a screamer too. (He is 2.5). I also naughtystep him- stops him at home, but he is msart enough to realise that when were are out that there IS no naughty step.

I aso get a bit sick of the tut tuts and the judgy stuff. Am doing my best here guys....