To be getting pissed of with DH's use of 'we'?

[scentednappyhag]

It's driving me mad.
DD has started getting up earlier in the mornings and as a result I'm knackered. He works nights do I do 99% of parenting and about 90% housework/organisation/keeping in touch with family/everything else.
He says that 'we should just take the hit of her being tired' and push her bedtime back.
Sound advice, but 'we'?! He's not the one who has to deal with a tired, stroppy and difficult to manage toddler
He uses this type of phrasing all the time and I'm pretty sure I'm close to snapping and going on strike so 'we' can deal with it for a change.
AIBU to think he's an arse?

Sorry to anyone who misread the title and was hoping for a very different thread

YANBU. He has no business pretending that something affects him when it doesn't.

Why do you do 99% of parenting? Does he never have a day off, or even a few hours between shifts where he's not sleeping?

YANBU. I was more than a little peeved when DP announced 'we' had had a very difficult birth.

I think before getting too mad you should pull him up on it and explain how annoying it is. And by that i mean both elements, the use of 'we' AND the fact that he should be doing a better share!

Oh I hate this.

I ask him "Which one of us is 'we'?"

I don't think it's a rare infliction - but YANBU to strike him

My DF claims that he suffered when my DM was pregnant with me. Poor lamb had dreadful 'sympathetic' heartburn apparently. My DM's opinion on the matter burns holes into his back but she remains quiet on the subject. If my DH tried to claim equal share in pregnancy complaints right now I'd give him SPD via a mallet to the pelvis.

We had a massive row earlier in the year about housework/parenting, and it ended with him thinking that I should be doing even more than I do now. I decided that it just wasn't worth the argument anymore so hence the ratio.

It's up there with "we're pregnant". It makes me feel killy. Dh said it once as a joke. He did not do it again!

If he wants to push bedtime back, give ALL responsibility for it to him. You get in the bath with a glass of wine and watch him backtrack.

But if he said "you'll just have to take the hit of her being tired", would you appreciate that instead?

My OH works nights as well and makes no effort to sugarcoat the fact I do the majority of the parenting and housework, and it's bloody annoying. He likes to offer advice and does the 'well better you than me' face.

I'm sure he's just trying to make you feel like you're pulling as a team.

So he just refuses to do his share, but is quite free with his opinions? Hmmm.

"WE" what a total cheek.

Due to you doing practically all of the household chores/childcare etc. resentment is rearing is ugly head. This will get worse unless you tackle it and don't back down.

He sounds like my ex yanbu

To be honest Icing, I'd rather have the fact that Dennis the menace DD is bloody hard work recognised than know that he thinks I'm just bumming around

The was at him, not you by the way!

YANBU. Mine says "I'll let you do that" ie. he's emptied the dishwasher and left all the he doesn't know where it goes actually can't be bothered to put away and will say "I'll let you do that". Makes me want to stab him! (With a clean knife)

I think you're right.

Maybe "we" should be looking for different employment patterns so "we" can both care for our daughter and the housework/organisation.

DP once told me "our labour was difficult, so when we have another, I think we should go straight for the ceasarian."

I said things like "Shut the fuck up, you don't know shit, and I'm having a homebirth IF I should become upduffed once more. You are allowed a say in my birthing when you grow a uterus."

DP also works nights, OP, and I hear you on the 99%. Saturday afternoons I usually throw DD at him and tell him to disturb my nap on pain of me opening the bedroom door and saying to DD "Daddy would LOVE you to go and tell him ALL about your day! Go and give him LOTS of hugs and kisses now!" at every possible interval.

Loving your work, Wankbadger! I just spat my coffee all over the keyboard!

Wankbadger you are my hero!

DH is the absolute opposite, he makes out that I am some perfect genius woman who sailed through pregnancy and labour. People are now really surprised when I mention my painful second degree tear, piles, SPD, fainting spells, radiating heartburn and that my knees gave out and I collapsed when my waters broke

We did have a similar battle over bedtimes though. DS started waking at 6am when he was teething last time and screaming to get up. I was literally comatose at 6am after being up til 11 with him and then up again for an hour at 2 most nights. DH told me I was being unfair on DS and shouldn't leave him when he was getting upset. I suggested he get up with him and give him his breakfast since he gets up at 6.30 for work anyway, otherwise he was going to have to take on the late feed at night so I could go to bed earlier. He hates the 11pm feed but complained that he had to get up at 6am. Fortunately he gave it up when his teeth had come through and I didn't have to murder DH.

Mine commits this heinous crime too. His usual is "we need to" which I then ignore on the basis that "we" means the person speaking and at least one other person. It doesn't mean AdoraBell. I explained it to him, exactly as above and he has actually taken my comments on board and stopped doing it. I suspect he has been abducted by aliens and the replacement has been far too well designed

Argh. He's just got up and sat staring at the dishes, clearly waiting for me to ask what's wrong. Like an idiot I did.
'I'm just getting annoyed with the dishes, they're starting to build up again. we need to stop leaving them.' he says...
The dishes are the one household job I ask him to do. one thing. And every time he's left it a week because he can't be arsed, I'm treated like I'm crap because I haven't already done them.
I don't care if it's not even 5pm, I'm having a glass of wine

scented I hope you told him that "we" hadn't left them, he had, and as it's the only thing he does when is he going to do them? " don't cave in, enjoy your wine.

Oh god, this is going to turn into a rant he's just sworn at DD and told me to shut up when I told him not to do that

And his good points..?

I don't feel I can answer that right now

Swore at DD and told you to shut up. Seems like you've got a bit of arse on your hands there OP.

Apparently so Clipped