to heave all over my boots if I read one more thread about "special family traditions"

[Mintyy]

and how that interfering old hag of a mum/mil/aunty is not asking permission to buy presents or, even worse, hoping to spend some time with their relatives over the Christmas period?

Stop being so bloody PRECIOUS! and get a grip. You are part of the older generation's "special family traditions" - do you not understand??

Yanbu marmite is wrong, Vegemite all the way!

Ha! My family have no traditions and the in-laws have made plans without asking us, which don't include DD, so I'm out of the crazy Christmas minefield! Now I can concentrate on finding the perfect outfit to humiliate the dog.

Oh dear, I'm guilty of moaning about my lovely, well-meaning mil.

In my (and others') defence though, it's the shift for many women of that generation from being the matriarch, the one who provides food and comfort for everyone - to allowing her dil to do it. And when DH seems to prefer the idea of eg going to hers for Xmas dinner, it is just viscerally annoying - do you not understand that feeling?

I think you must all have v magnanimous mils who allow you to mother in your own way and don't overstep boundaries, telling you how to parent.

It's rarely about one incident like buying the DC a big gift the parents wanted to provide - often these threads are about the straw that broke the camel's back.

Also I love marmite, especially with chunky peanut butter on crumpets; it's even better with pear and apple spread as well as peanut butter.

bollocks, Mintyy... what if the micro-managing emanates from the older family members? what if they older family member isn't actually doing anything other than slinging some old shite in a supermarket trolley, having not bothered their arse to do any of their own family traditions back when they were the parent?

families are complicated, congratulations to you and compliments of the season if all is well with yours, but don't assume that just cos it's christmas manipulative old dears will give it a rest.

Ah, but why should an older generations traditions be more important that what is fun (and therefore going to be the new tradition because you wouldn't do something twice if you all found it shit)?

My whole childhood we had to do my mum's family tradition of tea at my Grandmother's house. This meant we had to eat lunch rushed, then leave all our nice new toys, get dressed up in party clothes and go to Nanas, so she could have all her family round her because that's how it was done. We could be paraded out to the older generation of great aunts to see how smart we looked, rather than play with toys and watch christmas TV. Generally, it was crap and adult focussed. I can't help feeling if they had decided to make their own traditions and not just allowed the older generations decide how Christmas should be done, it would have been much more fun. My dad hated it too - he's all for fitting in with us now.

and happy christmas to you too Aitchy.

i find your need to control this conversation very controlling, Mintyy.

whoops, left off the

YANBU x 3,000,000,000

I HATE this with a passion...

"What are your family traditions, am looking for ideas"

"Please tell me what your family traditions are, we want to start some to make precious memories for our children"

Yuk yuk and fucking yuck some more!

Just do stuff your bloody selves - if you enjoy it, do it again. If not, do something different. Can people really not just make a fucking decision for themselves?

YABU. I recognise that my DS is part of a wider family, but there are 4 households he could celebrate Christmas with and all of them feel they have a legitamate claim. Fortunately once we'd decided to celebrate in our own home and do the rounds in the week between Christmas and New Year both DM and DMIL told me that it was very sensible, not to do traditions that just lead to stress for everyone as long as they get to see DS at some point just after the big day.

DNIL otoh was less happy (although still kind about it), but at some stage she has to stop being the matriarch (even if she is a very nice one). Christmas isn't just about 70 year olds getting to have 4 generations around their own table.

They all know they are welcome here anyway.

But that wouldn't make a dramatic thread.

well there's the thing, though... personally i always feel tremendous sympathy for people who are on the scout for 'tradition', it rather suggests that their own happy family christmases were rather thin on the ground.

(although personally it all sounds like a lot of hard work to me, obv)

Totally confused now about the topic of this thead .

But Minty if you're talking about posters getting all precious about stuff and taking offence over well meaning gestures by DPs, SILs etc then you are soooo NBU. I'm nearly afraid to by my own nephews and nieces a present now or offer to take them anywhere in case I accidentally step on a mine.

My paretst are not around any more, and my PIL have been very clear that, while they would be overjoyed to see us on Christmas Day, they feel blessed to have had their children at home for previous Christmas visits, and we're under no obligation to see them.

DH's aunt on the other hand!

I do understand people wanting to carry on traditions, but being a family is about change and trying something new. Personally, I quite like hearing about other people's traditions because I just love Christmas.

Carrying on traditions is nice but making them up is weird and consciously taking them to force them seems strange. You do them and then that becomes the tradition.

Even though we are having xmas dinner at home, just myself and DH, MIL still moaned at us about the fact we're not having a turkey-surely we MUST have a turkey, its tradition. Er NO. We don't like turkey, get over it. If you like it so much, why don't you eat it the whole year round.

Now, where are the crumpets?

Oh, think I missed the point of the thread.

But I agree that traditions are something that evolve, not something that are done with the intention of creating a 'tradition'. Most traditions are quite silly and endearing and that's what makes them special. For instance a friend of mine bought chicken kievs in M&S for Christmas Eve dinner one year. Then she bought them the next year. Now if she tries to do anything else for Christmas Eve dinner her kids wail 'nooooo, it's traditional'.
For year's Santa Claus always brought our tickets for the pantomime and hid them behind the clock in the sitting room. That just became a tradition.

But asking for ideas for 'traditions' or copying something that another family does, well it kinda misses the point.

We're going for a curry on Christmas Day lol. For the past 5 years we've hosted Christmas but I think it's got to my mum and she wants to do it. DH's nana died recently (she was a big influence in his life) and he doesn't want his mum on her own (quite rightly). She doesn't cook/have space for Christmas dinner so we are going for a curry. DS will wake up earlier than normal anyway, then we'll pick up mil, go for curry, go back to open more presents, then round his family. On boxing day we go to my parents for more presents and proper christmas dinner.

We have a new tradition every year . I prefer to be flexible actually and this year I don't have to cook! (Which I do enjoy but will be nice to not have to!)

the point of this thread is that it's about another thread, i think.

I also think the root cause in many cases is not liking the people in question...

absolutely. and them not liking you.

This reminds me of a dreadful acquaintance of DH who said loudly that they went to her family every year because they "have family Christmas traditions". Her poor DH sat there cowed - his "family traditions" apparently didnt count!

What Aitch said.

the best thing about traditions is that they evolve through the generations...

well that depends how great those traditions were, sometimes the best thing is to hope those traditions become extinct, so new ones can evolve!

Either I missed the point of the thread or other posters are.

This is why threads about threads are shit, I guess - I have no idea what the context is. Are we not meant to be engaging - are we just meant to go ' yes, god I know what you mean, so tedious ' and Mintyy ?

I think it's more about power struggles Aitch and Cheryl

Ooh seeing Aitch has reminded me to ask BLWers about milk at 12mo