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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 1yo DD is a spoilt brat?

32 replies

ChunkysMum · 27/11/2012 14:11

I know IABU and it's my fault, but I need advice from wise mumsnetters.

DD is my first baby and has lots of loving grandparents. She is loved and doted on by many people and I've always struggled to cope with her being upset or crying so have always bent over backwards to keep her smiling. She's been quite high maintenence since she was born.

She's just turned one and currently wants me to hold her hands while she walks around ALL THE TIME. If I don't give her my hands, give her a walker, or try to distract her with another activity she screams (it's a loud blood curdling scream), throws her head back and just has a meltdown. As soon as I give her my hands she smiles straight away and starts walking. She wants what she wants NOW.

I love interacting with her and think she's a genius (pfb), but I struggle to keep up with her demands. Walking round all the time she's awake hurts my back.

What should I do?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 27/11/2012 14:12

let her have her meltdown and walk away keeping an eye on her..

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin · 27/11/2012 14:14

Stop walking round with her.
Oh and don't caller a brat Wink

missymoomoomee · 27/11/2012 14:15

Let her scream it out and do not cave in. She will soon learn.

OHforDUCKScake · 27/11/2012 14:16

Thats normal behaviour, most toddlers do it.

You think that makes her a spoilt brat? Hmm

The twos and threes will be fun for you if you think shes a brat at 1 yr. Hmm

Justforlaughs · 27/11/2012 14:17

It's up to you, you can let her scream or you can work on the assumption that once she can walk unaided she'll grow out of it. I don't think that the fact she wants to hold your hand all the time makes her a spoilt brat. Make the most of it, in a few years you'll be the one wanting to hold her hand and she'll be running the other way.

valiumredhead · 27/11/2012 14:18

Don't hold her hands - it's as simple as that. Or walk for a bit and say 'mummy's tired/busy now, you can use the walker'

Don't be frightened of letting her scream - she's not poorly or hurt, she just letting you know she wants your undivided attention - which isn't always possible.

I don't think it's 'spoilt' at this age, they don't really understand what's going on and think the whole world revolves around them ( which it does really Wink)

OneWellAndTrulyCrackeredMummy · 27/11/2012 14:19

Ha she's not a brat OP, its just learned behaviour as it means she gets what she wants from you all the time. Its easier to always give in but at some point you will have to get assertive.

Do you know how to deal with temper tantrums? :)

ReallyTired · 27/11/2012 14:19

No one-year old child is a spoilt brat. One years old is a difficult age because children lack the speech to be reasoned with, they have no concept of time and are constantly frustrated because their bodies will not do what they want.

Tantrums are part of growing up and this phase will pass. The terrible twos generally subside around two and half to three years old. If you are experiencing a lot of tantrums it may well help to look at routine. Does your dd sleep, how many activites do you do outside the house?

I am sorry this post is not much help.

GlitterySkulls · 27/11/2012 14:20

yes, yabu.

your daughter is one fgs Hmm

Pozzled · 27/11/2012 14:20

She's one. This is what one year olds do. She's not spoilt, she just still thinks the world revolves around her because she's far too young to understand that other people have needs.

They all tend to go through a stage where they want to be walked around. It is tiring and frustrating because you can't get much done, but it won't last forever. You don't need to 'do' anything about it, just keep trying to distract when you can and wait it out. Try to forget all the other things you 'should' be doing- your child needs you to help her explore the world.

Finally, do you have much support? You seem to be finding this really hard, can you arrange to have a break at all, spend some time doing something for you? You almost sound like you could have pnd.

bradywasmyfavouriteking · 27/11/2012 14:21

She is not a spoilt brat she is a normal 1 year old. Both mine did this. She is just trying to get her own way. Not because she is spoilt.
Because she has no concept of your back hurting. As far as she is concerned why wouldn't you want to walk round with her all day.

Its just how babies are. It normal.

As ops said ignore it as long as she is safe. Ds (20 months) still does this occasionally does this still. I let him tantrum and ignore him. He soon stops and climbs up for a cuddle and we move on.

OpheliasWeepingWillow · 27/11/2012 14:21

Oh my god. She is ONE! Of course she wants to be near her mum. Confused

Can't believe you called her a brat. Seriously

Inclusionist · 27/11/2012 14:21

She's compulsively driven to learn to walk right now. She knows you are the best facilitator of that.

Don't walk with her when you need to be doing something else but don't blame her for trying to get you to!

wanderingalbatross · 27/11/2012 14:22

FWIW, I don't believe you can spoil a baby with attention, and that responding to them quickly is a good thing. But sometime around their 1st birthday they start having wants instead of needs, and can easily learn that screaming gets them what they want.

So I don't think it's your fault but it will be if you give into everything she wants as a toddler :) she is old enough now to survive being ignored through a meltdown because she doesn't get what she wants. It's completely different from screaming a few months ago when she really did need something.

Shakirasma · 27/11/2012 14:24

YABVU. She is not a brat, what a horrible way to describe a baby. This sort of behaviour is totally normal, you have to teach children that they sometimes have to be patient or do things for themselves by not giving in to them all the time. They are not born knowing this.

YA also being U to use the word meltdown to describe a normal tantrum. I hate the way this description has been hijacked as it's overuse belittles the genuine distress and fear that a SN person experiences and makes people think it is comparable with a tantrum.

Dead69Girl · 27/11/2012 14:25

yabu to call her a brat!

Original poster
ChunkysMum · 27/11/2012 14:25

Thanks,

I wouldn't ever call her a spoilt brat in real life, I just can't believe how loud she'll scream if I for example sit on hands so that she can't hold them, and then will turn it off straight away when she get what she wants Hmm.

I've looked after toddlers before, but usually their slightly older and it seems easier when they're not my own. I just don't know how much she understands so I find it hard to say no and leave her to cry.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 27/11/2012 14:28

If you sit in front of her, sitting on your hands, then she is confused and will scream... if you walk away, she will try to follow you.. or she will tantrum and then try to follow you...

Of course she will be loud, she knows it works! :)

cornflowers · 27/11/2012 14:28

That's a pretty unpleasant way to describe a 1 yr old. A health vistor once told me it isn't possible to 'spoil' a child under two. I think she had a point.

squeakytoy · 27/11/2012 14:28

If you sit in front of her, sitting on your hands, then she is confused and will scream... if you walk away, she will try to follow you.. or she will tantrum and then try to follow you...

Of course she will be loud, she knows it works! :)

WileyRoadRunner · 27/11/2012 14:29

Could you get her a solid trolley (like a wooden elc brick filled one) to support her walking?

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 27/11/2012 14:32

What happens if you cuddle her? I'd cuddle her until she calms down and then get her the walker and say she has to use that for a bit as mummy's tired.

GreenPetals · 27/11/2012 14:34

First no 1yo is spoiled.
Also, as she has just turned 1yo, I imagine that she is not that steady on her feet yet. So she wants the reassurance of holding your hands. What's wrong with that?

I know what I found wrong about it with my own dcs. My Back who didn't like me spending so much time in that awkward position

putonyourredshoes · 27/11/2012 14:35

My DD also did this at one. Murdered my back and was so boring I could have screamed myself.

Would love to have those days back though.

Breathe and enjoy OP. It is so short.

ThatDudeSanta · 27/11/2012 14:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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