To think 1yo DD is a spoilt brat?

[ChunkysMum]

I know IABU and it's my fault, but I need advice from wise mumsnetters.

DD is my first baby and has lots of loving grandparents. She is loved and doted on by many people and I've always struggled to cope with her being upset or crying so have always bent over backwards to keep her smiling. She's been quite high maintenence since she was born.

She's just turned one and currently wants me to hold her hands while she walks around ALL THE TIME. If I don't give her my hands, give her a walker, or try to distract her with another activity she screams (it's a loud blood curdling scream), throws her head back and just has a meltdown. As soon as I give her my hands she smiles straight away and starts walking. She wants what she wants NOW.

I love interacting with her and think she's a genius (pfb), but I struggle to keep up with her demands. Walking round all the time she's awake hurts my back.

What should I do?

If you are tired try getting out the fingerpaint and playdoh. I bet that will distract her, either that or you will decide that an aching back is the lesser of the two evils!

BTW, it's normal for a child less than 1yo to be dotted on and to have everyone answering to their cries/needs. Mainly because they can't do it for themselves as they are too young.
And it's normal for you to feel it's very hard not to say YES to her because that's what nature intended. Your dd needs to be sure that you will find it very hard not to answer her cries because again she is so dependant on you.

lol at pain. Tried that ONCE with my dcs when they were about 3yo and 1yo.
The pots of paint stayed hidden for several years before I dare taking them out again thanks for the playgroups etc... where they did some painting

I expect the OP must be having a difficult day. Suriving terrible twos is never easy especially on a cold and wet day. Prehaps the OP needs support rather than having the language of her first post critised.

In someways the temper tantrum of a one year old is similar to an older child with special needs. Certainly strageries I saw used with teenage autistic children worked really well with my daughter at one years old. For postive language

ie. Saying "We sit on the sofa" rather than "Don't jump on the sofa"

Acknowleging the child feelings. ie "You are feeling angry because Peppa Pig is over"

Distraction can work wonders if you antispate a tantrum. Telling a child that they have to have their coat on five minutes so they are prepared for a change in activity can help.

Often a tantrum is a communication issue which is why most neurotypical children outgrow tantrums eventually.

The difference is that a one year old having a tantrum and a child with special needs tantruming is that does not attract dirty looks and its quite easy to restrain a small child.

Of course children with special needs can have unusual sensory issues that your typical one year old does not have. A "Meltdown" is a particular type of tantrum that thankfully most parents never experience.

95% of the time its possible to tell why a neurological typical child is tantruming. Parents are not left guessing whether its the light being too bright or the fluff on the carpet.

I found that DD's understanding really took off from around 13mo, so I expect your DD understands more than you realise. If she wants to walk, let her. If you can't hold her then give her a walker, or arrange some furniture so she can cruise. I agree with whoever said walking is a compulsion at this age. This stage will ease once she gets steadier on her feet (and something else will crop up!). And explain to her, she is probably taking it all in :)

Try and think about it from her point of view...you can't just suddenly say no when she's been getting so much attention all along.

My 1yr old has a meltdown if I say no for any reason - you just have to think outside the box and make them feel good about doing it on their own or doing something different.
Make her want to walk without holding your hands, make it more fun on her own e.g make it a game to catch your hands to hold, make it a game that your hands are too 'busy' to hold because they are clapping or something.

She's a baby, not a toddler - her legs may be toddling but her brain is still only little! She doesn't understand about mummy being busy, just that you won't give her what she needs.

I wouldn't leave her to cry. As with everything else at this age, it's a phase. It won't last, and it won't kill you to pander to her.

I pretty much gave DD her own way in most things till she was old to be reasoned with (more or less!) and now she's the sweetest, most considerate, most biddable 2.5 year old you could ever meet. She's most definitely not spoiled.