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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not know how to play with my 14 month old?

28 replies

VanCamp · 27/11/2012 08:27

DS is nearly 14 months and I feel confused about the best way to play with him.

He isn't really into lots of loud musical activity toys and prefers to play with cars and any form of moving toy. That's it. He's obsessed with them! I don't know how to play with him because he just likes to run them around the floor and on tables without me getting in his way.

I feel like I'm being really rubbish because we're not really playing together but if I try to do some stacking with him or play with him on an activity table, he'll get involved for a couple of minutes and then crawl off back to his cars. He's not walking yet either.

AIBU to not know what to do? Is it really damaging for him to not be playing with other toys or being more interactive with me? (Can you tell he's my PFB )

OP posts:

CailinDana · 27/11/2012 08:31

No need to play with him at all. Children that age are usually not able to concentrate on a toy for very long and they certainly don't play games as such, they just bimble around knocking things over and investigating. One thing he might like is looking at books - do you do this much? Or you could do "round and round the garden" and other action songs to make him laugh. As long as you're chatting to him a fair bit, giving him plenty of space and toys to look at and getting out and about now and again he'll be grand. Oh and the car obsession is totally normal :)

ItsALongWayToPickAWilly · 27/11/2012 08:33

That's a hard age for them to concentrate on anything for longer than 10 mins IME. You could just do 1 on 1 playing in short bursts throughout the day, just do stuff like play with his cars with him while chatting about what you're doing. You could make a tunnel for the cars to go through, the cars could decide to go up this very big hill and speed down the other side (run the cars up his arm, over his head and down the other arm). Do a bit of reading for 10 mins, drawing, banging with pots and pans etc.

Don't get yourself wound up that you're not doing enough cos you'll end up going crazy! Plus it's good for him to learn how to entertain himself.

BertieBotts · 27/11/2012 08:35

14 month olds don't really play with other people.

Try making a tower of things for him to knock over :)

Tangointhenight · 27/11/2012 08:37

I have a 14 mo DD and I rarely play with her, I read and we sing and do the actions, go to the park etc but i leave her to entertain herself a good part of the day and she is my pfb :)

I would leave him to it, sounds like he is using his imagination already

CogitoErgoSometimes · 27/11/2012 08:37

You're not rubbish just because you're not organising structured play and a syllabus. If he's absorbed in his cars, leave him be. Talk to him occasionally while he's doing it... 'that's a nice red car you've got'... 'that car goes really fast'... etc. If he shows you a car or wants you to do something, respond appropriately. Then get on with the things you're doing and talk to him about that. 'If you're happy over there with your cars, I'll just drink my cup of tea' :)

LaCiccolina · 27/11/2012 08:39

Agree with others, it's more about variation than playing. I found splitting time up in to chunks worked well. Dd played on her own after breakfast. We read a book for 15 mins round 10, then washed hands had snack. She played on her own for a bit and near 11 we did drawing then washed hands for lunch. She played on own, then walks or nap. That kind of thing.... Broke the day up a bit, kept my brain busy too so useful for both of us.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 27/11/2012 08:44

DS1 was like this. Unlike some of my friends' children, he was really happy pottering on his own, especially with cars or anything that rolled. I felt a bit superfluous at times!

He may not need you to play with him, but you will be interacting with him at bathtime and mealtimes - talking and listening. Also out and about in the buggy - pointing to things and talking. Reading to children and singing is also really important

DS1 is still self-contained. He has good friendships but he really loves being on his own, inventing little scenarios with his cars, Lego or Hornby. He is v mechanically=minded (age 12).

Forgive me if I sense anxiety in your post. I used to worry at this age that DS1 might be autistic, even though he didn't have many of the traits, just because he was so focussed and didn't seem to need the interaction with me or other children. I just want to reassure you that this is very normal for some children, and something to be grateful for in some ways:

DS2 was a completely different kettle of fish. Loved for me to play with him, when he wasn't watching and then playing with his brother. His sociability was lovely but he also required so much more attention! Still does

Sorry for the long post

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 27/11/2012 08:49

I also agree with the ideas above.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 27/11/2012 08:51

A really nice game my DH used to play with DSs was to put some rice on a big tray, and then wheel cars/diggers/trucks around in it. A bit like a mini sand pit.

Original poster

VanCamp · 27/11/2012 08:56

Thanks for all the advice.
He's not really interested in books despite my best efforts. But I keep trying in the hopes he will eventually like them.
I sing songs and we go out so that passes the time too. But I guess I just feel like I should be doing more and yes, structuring the day better. I feel a bit lazy just sitting on sofa on MN while he plays!

OP posts:

Original poster

VanCamp · 27/11/2012 08:59

Jamie, thanks for your post. I am anxious, yes. With the first I suppose you never really know what's right and what's normal in terms of what you and they should be doing. He doesn't like being around other toddlers at all actually.

OP posts:

bruffin · 27/11/2012 09:03

He's not really interested in books despite my best efforts. But I keep trying in the hopes he will eventually like them

I really wouldnt worry about that. My DD would much rather be on the floor playing than looking at a book at that age. She virtually taught herself to read and loves reading.
Its more important to demonstrate that reading is fun by them seeing you read for your own enjoyment.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 27/11/2012 09:04

Oh I know!

You could try parent and toddler groups. They don't suit everyone but it would give you some company. Do you have friends with a child of similar age? If not, it can be a way of meeting someone to have round for coffee

Also, swimming? Didn't do it myself - don't like swimming, all that getting wet and getting dry again- but it looks like a nice way of getting some physical contact

Don't feel guilty. One things for sure, in parenting things change all the time, for the better and for the worse. So when he's a tantrummy 2 year old you will look back on these Golden days

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 27/11/2012 09:07

Xpost

DS1 didn't like being round other toddlers. Other toddlers do unpredictable things and take your toys away!I did take DS1 to groups for my sanity and to give him some experience of rubbing up against others, but I'm not sure it's necessary, and if it's overwhelming I'd cut it short or give it a miss

Mrsjay · 27/11/2012 09:12

you don't need to play with him if he is happy with his cars just chat to him as he is vrooming along as long as you are with him or near him you dont have to play, 20 minutes of dedicated play is much better than trying to play with a toddler all day it just doesn't work , read him a story play with play do for 10 minutes and let him vrooooom away to his little hearst content

Mrsjay · 27/11/2012 09:13

and what jamie said

Pascha · 27/11/2012 09:27

I always found it easier to sit on the floor with the laptop next to me chatting away, while taking an interest in the cars when appropriate with lots of eye to eye contact. Quite often the Gruffalo or Room on the Broom or whatever is on in the background on audio. He loves the books he hears as there is a link to the story.

Its not lazy. Its fine. A morning spent like this with you pottering about is easily balanced with a trip out later.

Pascha · 27/11/2012 09:28

And toddlers take very little interest in each other until they are much nearer 2.

Pascha · 27/11/2012 09:32

And toddler groups are great for a change of scenery, and a change of toys, and adult contact for a couple of hours. So's the park, and swimming, and watching the trains from the bridge, and throwing stones at the beach and going to tesco. They get stimulation from everything and anything. It doesn't all have to be organised and intensively programmed.

findmeintheflowerbed · 27/11/2012 09:37

Agree with above.
I have a 14 month old DS and i spend a fair bit of the day lying on the floor with a book or a magazine playing with him in short bursts. He has a 2.9 yr old sister so i am often playing with her while he potters around emptying cupboards, banging stuff etc.
He loves singing so he has to endure my poor singing quite a lot. Also he has just learnt to throw a ball so we roll and throw to each other too.
I think it's nice to just be around each other, without being in his face all the time (for want of a better way of putting it)

Mrsjay · 27/11/2012 09:38

But I guess I just feel like I should be doing more and yes, structuring the day better. I feel a bit lazy just sitting on sofa on MN while he plays!

as long as you interact and talk to him when he wants you too then thats ok he is only little and what pascha said little children dont really play together they will play in the same area and do the same thing but they are not playing until they are 2 don't fret as long as you are not ignoring him ,

findmeintheflowerbed · 27/11/2012 09:39

Yes pascha! My dcs love a trip to tesco!

Mrsjay · 27/11/2012 09:40

I think it's nice to just be around each other, without being in his face all the time (for want of a better way of putting it)

this ^ is true would an adult want somebody in there face all day saying whatya doing lets do this ooo lets do that, you would soon tell them where to go

FundusCrispyPancake · 27/11/2012 09:41

Reading with interest. DD is only 9m but happy to potter, I keep thinking I should do more but she seems happy. We go for a walk every day withthe dog and a baby group occasionally but that's it.

I have awful cabin fever and could do with more stimulation though!

Mrsjay · 27/11/2012 09:43

have awful cabin fever and could do with more stimulation though!

Find something that your baby could tag along too if you are been driven up the wall with the 4 walls go and try and find something it doesn't need to be a baby group but they are great for a chat and to get out and about

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