To have wanted to celebrate?

[ThinkyPantsWorryWort]

Just after a quick poll of opinion really. Had a very sleepless night last night as I had an extremely important meeting today. It went better than I could have hoped and I came home v. happy.

I suggested a celebratory take away as a family. O/h said no. Although he is very proud of me he Feels not having a celebrationary meal is a consequence of the fact that 3 weeks ago I said I'd start dieting again and I haven't. (lost 3 stone so far; another 2 to go - I will do it).

Am currently quietly cooking tea for dd; he knows he's upset me but I can't quite articulate why I'm so hurt.

It might be worth adding that this meeting took a lot of prep! I have hardly slept in the last 72 hours.

Wow! I'm not surprised you're upset. That's rather controlling of him to dictate how you celebrate.

Congratulations on the meeting and the weight loss!

I'm free to have whatever I want; I know that, he knows that. He just doesn't want to be part of it.

Depends on how it happened.

Did he say 'but you said you wanted to get back on the diet and I want to support you and I don't think ots a good idea'

Or

'i forbid it until you lose weight'

Tbh, it doesn't matter how much you have lost so far. I find people saying they are going on a diet, then not doing it and then moaning about their weight annoying. Do you do this?

I have lost 6 stone in 2 years so, I know its hard. But do you think you need to break the habit of celebrating with food?

Thanks help every stone I have a little break otherwise I would just cave!

Sorry that sounds harsh I will re word it and post again.

I think he has a point. Many peoples downfall with food is using it as a reward or to comiserate with. You need to break that mindset if you want to lose weight and keep it off!

Why not think of something non edible to reward yourself with? A new outfit? Pair of shoes?

Basically I get where he is coming from it your weight bothers you and you get upset about it and moan. Its frustrating. My mum does it.

In reagrds to celebrating with food. Does hr think this is an issue. Eating was very much linked to my emotions. I used all sorts of excuse as to why i would start the diet tomorrow. Eventually people around get bored of listening to the moaning and no action.

It also depends how he said it.

He WBU.

However what he should have said (and could still do) was to offer to nip out to the local supermarket & buy something healthier but still a treat eg steaks & salad or smoked salmon. And then, most importantly COOKED IT FOR YOU.

Then he can have the kudos of kick starting your diet, while supporting your success. At the moment he's just being an arse.

It was pretty much said how I described it here. It was his use of the word consequence that hurt.

I don't moan about it; just get on with it quietly but have to be very controlled about it.

As for celebrating with food; it's a fair question but honestly wasn't the no 1 reason. Have been so busy with work of late family time has suffered. meeting has positive consequences for our life and just wanted to sit down together to a nice meal together and tell everyone how it went. We literally have no food in (just enough pasta for dd) and doing a food shop takes time and I'm hungry!

What were you going to have for tea if the meeting went badly / didn't happen at all?

We tend to celebrate stuff with a curry but wait till the weekend to do it.

I would suggest you treat yourself (and the rest of the family) at the weekend to something non-food. Afternoon out / cinema???

He could have worded it better - I can see how this would have deflated your good feeling.

Unless he worded it rudely, I can kind of see where he's coming from.

Celebrating with a take away isn't something I'd encourage someone to do if they've just lost weight and have said they want to lose more.

Congrats on your loss so far and your meeting result

I honestly hadn't thought beyond the meeting. I would have picked something up on the way home most probably.

I do plenty of non food related activities with my family; thanks for the suggestion. I am/have moved away from using food to celebrate - tonight felt like a justifiable night to resort/use a takeaway. Dd has now eaten tea; we will be having veg. soup. Which by the time we have the ingredients, is cooked etc it will be too late for her.

Can I just point out I have been maintaining my weight loss this last month; A break from the diet is a break from eating less to burn more calories not an excuse to back to bad habits.

if i could afford it i would have bough the take away anyway. no-one else decides what food i eat or dont eat. if there are to be consequences from ME not following a diet I decided on then I will decide what the consequences are. i would be furious with him. he's not your diet monitor!

I think he sounds like a knob! Who is he to decide that you need consequences? I think as a grown woman WHO HAS ALREADY LOST THREE STONE! You are able to decide when and how to celebrate something that went well for you.

I would have ordered a take away for me and dc and let him fend for himself. No bad feeling, just a "ok, up to you but I feel like celebrating, now where's the Chinese menu".

He's made you feel like crap on what was an important day, where you achieved and quite frankly if I were you I would not let him!

I too can see his point in a way. It just felt quite horrible at the time. It really was more about us all eating together tonight and enjoying a treat together than anything else. Sometimes food is a treat, rather than a reward. If that makes sense.

I was tempted to just get it but I really want him to be part of it.

He suggested that I did just get it but he felt he couldn't be part of it as he wants to be healthy.

He has offered to do bedtime, as well as organise tea while I have a bath and nap. He also brought some of dd's left over cheesy pasta to me and acknowledge that I must be hungry and he'll sort something better than leftovers out ASAP.

"Felt he couldn't be part of it" . Seriously?

Is he like this about other things?

He suggested that I did just get it but he felt he couldn't be part of it as he wants to be healthy

You didn't mention that bit

If he doesn't want to be a part of it because he wants to be healthy, there's nothing wrong with that surely?

fine, if he felt he couldn't be part of it that's his decision. you dont have to miss out on a treat because he doesn't wnat it.

Not really. Though he's not the type to do something just to please someone he is, on the whole, very laid back.

He's never sounded or acted line a diet monitor before but that's what is staying with me. He knows I'm upset but there's little point in discussing it further as He feels he simply expressed an opinion.

I don't get this. He didn't forbid it and you feel you could have had it so why are you upset? Because he mentioned consequences?

If he had said 'are you sure? You know you have been trying to lose more weight for the last 3 weeks and haven't' would that have been better.

When I was losing weight dh wouldn't have sat down and had a massive bar of chocolate with me. He wouldn't have wanted to encourage the behaviour that I was trying to change. Also i am bit confused about why he HAS to have a takeaway because you want to.

I know you feel its justifiable tonight, but you said you were trying to move away from using food to celebrate. Maybe he felt it was old habits creeping in.

Sorry Worra: we have been chatting about it in between messages and he just explained. Of course that's ok, doesn't mean it feels quite uncomfortable that he doesn't want to do something with me to celebrate. I'd be happier if he'd come home with a healthy celebratory dinner or even suggested something more exciting than soup. tired and emotional