To find it quite amusing how some people try to make out their average child is a genius?

[MiketheKnight]

I've known a couple of people like this over the years but at the moment I have one friend in particular who does this loads, and tries to make everyone else convinced he is too.

I met her at a baby group. There are 8 of us all with DCs the same age (3). I have two older children too. She in convinced her DS is more intelligent than the other children in the group. She often does a round-robin type text to us all saying a question or statement her son is meant to have said, usually involving a very complicated word such as preposterous. And if he asks a question when we are at the group, as many of the 3 year olds do, she starts asking us if we heard his question, and saying what a clever question it was, then she answers questions using a very lengthy reply during which time he has generally walked off to play and doesn't listen anyway. Latest thing is her asking on her Facebook status if anyone knows any private tutors that will tutor a 3 year old as he is apparently marvellously curious about maths and science. And I've never known such a fuss over finding a school for a child. She's talked about nothing else for months and apparently it's far more difficult for her than anyone else as they have to be very careful about where they send their child.

I'd say that he is probably quite average, and very similar to the rest of the children in the group, including my DS. His speech just seems normal for a 3 year old, he walked at the same time as the other children, potty trained at a similar time. I never hear any of these wonderful anecdotes of speech that she writes about in texts when we meet up, and his speech whenever I see him is just the same as the other childrens' speech. He talks well, as they all seem to in the group, but certainly not like a child prodigy.

I know we are all proud of her children and think they are geniuses but she really does cross the line between thinking it and making a bit of an idiot of herself.

[laptopdancer]

Referring to my mention of the day I spent with ds' class and seeing how just about average the supposed genius child was on the day: I also saw the class have a spot test which was marked then and there and this child did not get the top mark.
I know which one did and it wasn't him. :)

[babydude]

Couthy - I actually agree with you. DS has aspergers. He also scored in the 99th centile on the BAS II. People are happy to talk about his SN, but I can never talk about the giftedness.

Weird isn't it. Everyone is vair happy to hear that your child is somehow lesser than theirs, but never the other way around.

[TunipTheVegedude]

I agree Artex. Being happy about your own child's achievements is normal and nice, but when people start gloating about them being better than other kids it leaves a very nasty taste.

[OxandAssinine]

It is socially suicidal to share that you have extra bright children, or well behaved teens.

If you want friends, tell them how fantastic their dcs are, and stick to moaning about yours.

[exoticfruits]

The only response is smile and nod, do it a lot. If pushed for any definite response stick to a very vague, 'they are all different' and change the subject.

[blanksquit]

I think sometimes other parents can be a bit resentful of the high achievers. In our school they are chosen more frequently for parts in plays, readings etc. And they more often win prizes. They also get extra lessons, some of which are after school which makes them very visible to parents. So it seems like the same five or six are given advantages the others don't have.

My friend who has a very bright dd is very quiet about her dd's achievements. People try to draw information out, by asking how she got on in a test etc. My friend will say she doesn't know. Because often they aren't asking because they're pleased for her dd, they want to know where their dc sits in comparison and the information gets passed on to others in a resentful kind of way.

It's sad really. But I think the less information other parents have, the less gossip there's likely to be.

I'd agree about the double edged sword. My friend's dd is very bright but also extremely over sensitive and struggles a lot emotionally.

[exoticfruits]

That is the reason for smiling and nodding, blanksquit, - something to be done at all times whether your DC is a genius, above average, average or below average. Much the best policy.

[LisaMed]

One of the boastful mums came very close to literally frothing when they found out that ds had more advanced homework. I didn't know and was mortified when she went off on one demanding why her dc hadn't got the same. Poor kid is facing a childhood of tutors.

I keep v quiet.

On the other hand, as far as the teachers have said, ds is doing really well academically. I think I will start worrying a bit later, he isn't even six. Last parents evening we got a list of all the wonderful things he does at school. I tried not to think of how much I had left him in front of the tv or the amount of time I let him have on the computer and assured the teacher that we were not pushy parents, and we did not try and push him a lot at home. I said I wanted him to feel relaxed at this age, we didn't try and force him to do anything extra.

The next morning ds insisted on taking in his dad's copy of 'how the universe works' by Brian Cox - as his book! I don't know about his IQ but I'm impressed by his sense of timing.

[Kalisi]

I see where you are coming from laqueen It isn't fair when some parents (and children) have to keep quiet about a genuine proud moment of high achievement for fear of looking boastful. There is unfortunately an attitude amongst some groups of children where they are actually embarrassed to excel for fear of being teased. This is very sad.

As someone mentioned earlier though, personally the only parents that bug me are the ones who mention these achievements out of context or in a comparitive or competitive way. I genuinely enjoy hearing how well others dcs are doing but I always find that the parents who 'protest too much' so to speak tend to have the most unremarkable children I think it is down to insecurity.

[MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson]

Where are all these parents that are resentful of children that do well? One of my DCs is gifted and talented in maths and literacy. I don't boast and brag to anyone, in fact as many of you with gifted children have already said, I keep her achievements to myself and am vague with others that ask. Mainly because I just don't feel the need to brag and I don't 'do' comparing childrens' achievements. However, it does seem to be known by her peers and some of their parents that she is gifted. I think in some ways a gifted child does stand out as they are often very mature and appear years older than they are by the way they speak and their attitude. But I can honestly say I've never come across another parent or child that is disparaging or resentful of her abilities. Or are they all doing it behind my back?

DD is very proud of her abilities too and would certainly never get stressed or anxious about the levels she works at if others talk about being on lower levels of work. She is very self-contained and confident though, and she doesn't really care particularly about what others think.

[MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson]

Why does she feel unable to be proud of her achievements though LaQueen? I don't mean this in a horrible way but is it a school with lots of unkind children in it? My DD is very proud of her achievements. And despite being very gifted she gets treated just like every other child at school. She is very popular, and there is no sign of anyone resenting her for her abilities, quite the opposite really.

[Kalisi]

I think it depends on the school mrsmangel I for one remember having to keep quiet at my school if I knew the correct answer for fear of being picked on.

[MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson]

My DD's experience has been the total opposite LaQueen. It's a shame your DD has had negative experiences at school and doesn't feel able to truly be herself there for fear of what might happen. That was why I asked what the other children were like. But then as you say some of the parents have given you rubbish recently about it then it's no surprise that their children are the same really.

[MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson]

See, Kalisi, I'm not sure if my DD has never had any problems about being gifted because she is an uber-confident child and probably does give off a confident air of "don't mess with me" so the other children don't mess with her. She's quite witty and can easily come up with a very quick, effective put down if someone says something unpleasant to her. I know, because I hear her using those put downs with my other DCs if they try to mess with her!

I'm thinking perhaps a more quiet, introverted, self conscious child would get more of a hard time at school if they were gifted.

[VinoEsmeralda]

We have a mother at school who asked me and a friend over coffee for advice on her dilemma. She is convinced he son is Eaton material but should they go that route? Her DS was 5 at the time. I had to kick other friend under the table as her jaw was about to drop off.

I told her to do what was best for her child and family but to think hard about it, especially social background etc... Also said in same conversation that we thought our DS was a bit thick ( we really thought that) which made her face all light up but said the opposite.


All v funny, as it turned out our DS had us fooled and is on the G&T register plus is bilingual, her son isn't. Gone a bit quiet since....