To find it quite amusing how some people try to make out their average child is a genius?

[MiketheKnight]

I've known a couple of people like this over the years but at the moment I have one friend in particular who does this loads, and tries to make everyone else convinced he is too.

I met her at a baby group. There are 8 of us all with DCs the same age (3). I have two older children too. She in convinced her DS is more intelligent than the other children in the group. She often does a round-robin type text to us all saying a question or statement her son is meant to have said, usually involving a very complicated word such as preposterous. And if he asks a question when we are at the group, as many of the 3 year olds do, she starts asking us if we heard his question, and saying what a clever question it was, then she answers questions using a very lengthy reply during which time he has generally walked off to play and doesn't listen anyway. Latest thing is her asking on her Facebook status if anyone knows any private tutors that will tutor a 3 year old as he is apparently marvellously curious about maths and science. And I've never known such a fuss over finding a school for a child. She's talked about nothing else for months and apparently it's far more difficult for her than anyone else as they have to be very careful about where they send their child.

I'd say that he is probably quite average, and very similar to the rest of the children in the group, including my DS. His speech just seems normal for a 3 year old, he walked at the same time as the other children, potty trained at a similar time. I never hear any of these wonderful anecdotes of speech that she writes about in texts when we meet up, and his speech whenever I see him is just the same as the other childrens' speech. He talks well, as they all seem to in the group, but certainly not like a child prodigy.

I know we are all proud of her children and think they are geniuses but she really does cross the line between thinking it and making a bit of an idiot of herself.

There was one here earlier which made me , someone said their child had been measured at the highest IQ in the country (whatever that means). Only thing is the child was 2.5 years old....

I have just snorted with mirth at that one. Especially because IQ tests are a rather arbitrary measure & - having used my googlefu - apparently the general rec is testing between ages of 5 & 12, testing earlier than that's basically pointless... Plus we don't know what the highest IQ in the country is because only a tiny fraction of the population have had a formal IQ test. BoastingFAIL there, I feel...

We always thought our eldest was brighter than the schools said. He is dyslexic and never got any help so the schools said he was lazy. He scraped through his gcse's went on to do alevels in the subjects he liked. He did quite well and got into uni. There he was tested for dyslexia and told he was severley affected. They were amazed he had ever passed any exams without help. They then sent him to sit the mensa test ......he is now a member!!!! In the top tiny percent of the population !!!!!! His dad and i are definatly average and he was never pushed as he just used to dig his heels in. Im amazed and it proves if you are mega clever you just Are its there naturally

Oh he is now finishing his degree and predicted a first !!!! I thought he was more likely to be in jail and times in the past lol

It springs from anxiety as others have said, our system isn't perfect and people always want the best for their children. I know children with pushy parents who have gained scholarships etc to great schools, they started pushing very young. I don't think they were extraordinary, so sometimes that approach obviously pays off.

So guess I am saying you can't blame them but pretty obnoxious and insensitive when they proclaim children's superiority everywhere. I've never known anyone who is that extreme about boasting though, surely these are rare? It's more the subtle smuggery that grates, and that's probably largely forgivable I think (although annoying). Tune out if it bugs. At least they care.

YY- same here. I listen to people going on about how brilliant their kids are, safe in the knowledge that DS is a genius, and we have a piece of paper to prove it.

When my dd was very little for quite a long time if you asked her a question that had numbers in it she always answered "9"

We had such fun. "What's the square root of 81, Grace?" " Grace, what do you get if you divide 108 by 12?"

The brilliance of one's children is the stuff or should I say nightmare that round-robin Christmas letters are full of....

It is a really competitive middle class thing - and we have also found that a lot of parents 'big up' their children's academic achievements.

I remember going for my first ever job interview, and the boss took a look at my gcse grades and said well you have good grades, we could use someone like you in our graphic design department, do you know how to use a computer? I replied with " well I can turn one on", (that was all I could do at that point) and I got the job. However I was only 15 at the time and had very little common sense, the computer's they wanted me to use were apples not microsoft, and needless to say within 3 months I got the sack, due to daft mistakes and mucking up entire order's of labels.
People make assumptions of intelligence based on gcse's and other sit down exams, however never actually see whether they have enough common sense or other skills that would be beneficial to the job/situation in hand, my mum was gloating to everyone how I had gone straight from school into graphic design,and always knew I would do well because I could read before I went to school, (apparently, I cant remember, but my nan backs this up too) then was bitterly disappointed that I got the sack just three months later.

I think people should just let kids be kids and have fun that's what kids are for,
I moved my eldest ds from a boring school which expecting the children to march to assembly and constantly blew whistles at the kids for them to behave,and had a superb ofstead report, and sats results, (he was down right miserable and would try and run back home on the way to school, and the teachers were unforgiving of the fact that he had sn, and he lived a day of time outs regularly), to a more relaxed fun school which take the children on lots of trips and does more fun things with them, it doesn't have great results and the ofstead reports arent superb, but he is so happy. (he would run to school within a week and constantly had a smile on his face) That was the best thing I ever did for my son.

When my DD was about 15 months (she could speak whole sentences very clearly) we were waiting at the Dr.

They had small tables and chairs in the surgery.

DD pulled out the chair and said "I think I am going to sit on this yellow chair"

Everyone was amazed that she knew the colour of the chair,

I wasn't going to tell them that whenever you asked her what colour something was, she said.......Yellow....

My 'exceptional' child did everything earlier than his peers - but I didn't think anything of it at the time. I just thought it was normal at the time, as my older DD has SN's and was years late meeting her milestones, so that was my reference point.

I didn't even realise that he HAD met these milestones early until I was called into the school in YR and told how advanced he was.

So rather than being all boasty, I was bloody oblivious! I just thought it was normal.

It sounds like I'm boasting now, but he had a higher IQ at 8yo than I have now!

The school EP tested his IQ at 8Yo, and it came out at 132, in the top 2% of the population. I had had no bloody clue that he was that clever.

Now at 10yo, he is working in GCSE level Maths at school, and the same level in science at home. I have to stop his 14yo sister from paying him to do her science homework!

I can't talk about this in RL, it seems far more 'acceptable' to discuss my DD's educational issues caused by her SN's than it is to talk about worries that my DS1 isn't having his needs met at school.

I DO find it unfair that he feels he has to hide his abilities at school, and that I get lambasted if I praise him for getting 100% on a practice lvl 6 SATS paper in earshot of ANYONE else.

I can't even praise him for his achievements in public. I have to wait till we get home or we get snotty looks. Yet if I praise DD for getting a D in a science CA, everyone joins in because if her SN's.

I don't see why it is frowned upon to praise ALL of my DC's achievements, regardless if the level, they still need that praise, whether it is my 14yo DD working on lvl 4 in Maths and doing well on a test, or my DS1 working on lvl 7 in Maths and doing well on a test.

They've both done THEIR best, so why is it frowned upon for me to publicly praise one of my DC's and not the other?

QED

Blimey LeQ, one one hand you're slating this mother and on the other you're making out that your DDs leave the kid standing. Wow. You must be incredibly insecure with feelings of enormous inadequacy. You do indeed sound frightfully smug and condescending.

Guess the point is LeQ doesn't proclaim the academic superiority of her children in public or to parents in the class rather randomly. It does sound like her children are very bright but she doesn't go around trumpeting it in real life.

Many I meet secretly (or less commonly openly) think their children are very clever academically or special in some other way. I think it's human nature & hard wired. We are all ambitious for our children in one way or another.

I can understand that it may seem like boasting when a parent is proud of what their DC has achieved, but if it is OK to 'boast' about a DC with SN's doing well for them, why is it not ALSO OK to 'boast' about an 'exceptional' DC doing well for them?

Why aren't people happy for ALL DC's achievements?

As my DD says - "Nobody is good at everything, but everybody is good at something, you just have to find what YOU are good at."

I think that is a brilliant philosophy from a DC with SN's, who accepts that Academic subjects aren't her forte, still puts her all into them despite knowing that the best she can achieve in Maths is an E at GCSE, but is content with that because she is predicted an A in Catering. Despite her issues with the written work pulling her grade down from an A*.

She knows that her brother may be amazing at Maths, but she can draw far better than him, and cooks meals a Michelin starred Chef would be proud of. He knows that he will never cook as well as his sister, but he is bloody amazing at Maths.

They know their skills, and are happy to praise each other for THEIR achievements, no matter WHAT the achievement.

Surely every parent is proud of everything ALL their DC's can do, whether it is me being proud of my 9yo DS2 explaining photosynthesis to a classmate when he was non-verbal at 3.5yo, my DD getting a C for a piece of practical work in her Textiles GCSE, my DS3 signing for milk when he is almost non-verbal, or my DS1 getting 100% in a lvl 6 SATS test.

I'm equally proud of all of them, so I want to be publicly proud of ALL their achievements, without people thinking I'm boasting just because DS1's achievements are a little different to the average 10.6yo's. My DD's achievements are a little different to the average 14.7yo's too, just in a different way, and I'm still just as proud of her.

It's actually quite a bugbear of mine, that I can publicly praise DD and DS2 & DS3 for their achievements, because they have SN's, yet because DS1 is ahead of his peers, I'm not able to do the same for him without being told to stop boasting.

Why are his achievements less praiseworthy than my other DC's achievements?

It must be certain schools that go in for this GAT and IQ testing, The school my son goes to doesn't and is actively against it. I think they just have high standards anyway and don't go with the whole principle of superiority, as such. The school also doesn't have awards and such like either.

LaQueen, out of interest do you actually know for certain that your DDs are ahead of the other woman's DD in their academic abilities?

The school DS1 is at don't usually do IQ tests, but they did on DS1. I assume it was because they wanted a clearer picture of where he was at that age. They are looking to do one again soon, before his transfer to Secondary.

I just wish that the school did as much for their pupils with SEN as they do for those on the G&T register!

Sore point with school not great with SN's...

I am equally proud of all my DC's. I see no reason why DS1 shouldn't get praised when he has done well for him at something just the same as I do with my other 3 DC's.

I don't know anyone like this. Seriously, I don't.

I might have come across them very briefly, but that's the extent of my dealing with them. I certainly don't give them any airtime once I have them clocked.

They're thin on the ground here too, but then I live in a world of Ellie-Maes and Kyles rather than Jocastas and Tarquins. Ellie-Mae might not fare so badly but little Kyle could end up getting his head kicked in if word gets round that Mum thinks he's a cut above the rest. Boasting about sporting achievements is entirely acceptable, however.

So WHY is it acceptable to be publicly proud of your 'average' DC, or your 'SN' DC, but not your 'gifted' DC?

Why the difference?