To not want a houseful of overnight guests on Xmas eve?

[Adviceinscotland]

Dm thinks I am being a total cow here so will appreciate some views. For what it's worth I was actually hoping for no visitors at all xmas eve night but my parents want to see dc opening presents before travelling home to have dinner in their own house and I can see their point on that one.

We can't change plans to see them later on Xmas day instead of Xmas eve/Xmas morning.

So anyway the problem is dm has invited db & ds to stay overnight on Xmas eve as well, both as single with no dc.

I have a 4 bedroomed house, arrangments for the night would have to be

Room 1- dh & I
Room 2- my parents
Room 3- 2dc & ds
Room 4- dc3 (really needs to be in her own room or we will get no sleep)

We have no room for db, my argument is that I can't have him in the living room on the couch as where the hell will Santa leave the presents and won't the dc wonder why db never woke up and seen Santa.

Have told dm that the only place db can sleep in on the floor in the same room as her and my dad but this was met with a "no chance"

Aibu here? Its my idea of hell having a house full of people staying over, db & ds don't even buy into the whole Xmas thing and will prob sleep right through the dc opening presents so do i say it's not happening or as it's Xmas should i just put up and shut up for the night (and magic up a room for db to sleep in!)

Sorry ds is my sister.

Dc3 will only sleep in a room on her own so if we put all three dc in together she will keep the other two awake all night, likewise if she is in with us she won't sleep.

i would get DB to say yes he seen santa, infact i would go as far as dressing up someone as santa and taking a photo with DB phone as proof he is real

It just sounds awful to me...... isn't Christmas supposed to be relaxed???

It was wrong of your DM to invite them she shouldn't have done that. Why do they need to be there at all?

How far away do your parents live? Could dbro and dsis stay there and come over later in the day?

how can your mother invite people to stay at your house?

phone your brother and sister and tell them how awkward it will be. invite them round for a late breakfast with their parents and you, your husband and children before your parents set off home. i'm sure your siblings would rather sleep in their own beds (or someone else's, depending on how much fun christmas is going to be for them) than uncomfortably round at yours.

Yanbu purely because it's your house not theirs to invite people to!

It sounds crowded, but might be lovely for the dc to have their aunt, uncle, and gps all there on Christmas morning.
Any way your db can squeeze in with ds and the 2 DC's?

If you're feeling helpful though, could the two older DC sleep in your bedroom so that dbro and dsis can have their room but DD can stay in hers?

"my parents want to see dc opening presents before travelling home to have dinner in their own house"

and that is why camera phones were invented.. film it for them and send it to them..

how old are your siblings? do they even want to come?

Well db is about 6'7 and 18st so he won't be sleeping in my dc's little beds! He would need to be on a blow up somewhere.

They need to be here as "it's Christmas and families need to be together at Christmas"

It's a 2 hour drive each way to parents so that wont work, plus parents are planning on leaving here about 9a.m to spend the rest of the day with my gp's (who were also invited but had to pass up the offer due to ill health)

I know I should just tell dm to stop inviting people but it will end up in floods of tears with her saying how she just wanted a lovely Xmas then I will be asked for my permission over everything Xmas related for the next 20 years as my mum won't be able to take the hurt again aarrrgghhhh

But... but... It's YOUR fucking house! And your kids! if they want to be there then they have to do some major compromising.

I would say you were being massively reasonable to tell them "look, either DB kips in with you we forget the whole thing. How badly do you want to see the DC open their presents on christmas morning? Not that badly if you wont share a room with your own son for one night". Then it's up to them. Which seems wrong as its YOUR house not theirs'

Eh, for me a houseful of people is what Christmas is all about, I love it. I'd expect db and dsis to get up for the present opening though.

I dont think they will be fussy either way about coming but they will be made to feel they have no choice. I would feel bad as they have nowhere else to go, they would both be at my parents house waiting on them leaving here but chances are they will still be sleeping then anyway.

Have you got any other rooms downstairs?
We have a house full at Christmas - either at my parents, or here with the in laws. One uncle usually ends up in the dining room - we move the table every morning / night, and the bedding goes in a room upstairs during the day.

Personally, having loads of people around is what Christmas is all about - families, but if you don't want to do it, send them the details of the local hotels / B&B

sod that, say no to DB and DS, if your parents are going back to have christmas lunch with them, why do they need to stay over on Christmas eve? I'd say it's not practical so if your Parents won't stay over without them, then they'll all have to go on Christmas eve and you'll see them boxing day.

While it's nice to see the DCs open their gifts on Christmas morning, their desire to do that shouldn't ruin your christmas. You can say no to them staying too.

It is your house, it's not your mum's decision. She can accept the invite just for her and your dad (more than I'd do in your circumstances) or they can choose not to.

If they were cluttering up my house on a special day like christmas you can bet your arse they'd be awake to see the DC open their presents! No way would they be staying in bed! On the other hand if a lie in is what they'd prefer they can tell your parents they'd rather stay at home having said lie in peeling potatos and other menial chores til they get back from your house.

Two words:
Premier.
Inn.

oh, and her tears will only work if you let them - tell her she's ruining your Christmas, get your diva act in first, tell her she's really upset you.

So what if she feels she has to ask your permission for the next 20 years, if it involves her thinking she has a right to decide what you and your family do, then she should ask your permission!

She's the gran now, you're the mum. You and your DH should do what's best for you and your DCs, and then extended family fit in with that.

Let them stay, let your DCs *LOUDLY wake them up at 5/6am for present opening - they'll never want to stay again!

Or....

Tell your mother to stop inviting people to your house without asking you first.

Or...

Call your siblings and get them onside to think of alternative options. Do your brother and sister not have partners? When I was young free and childless kids bouncing on my head at the crack of dawn on xmas day would have been the last thing I wanted! They may be groaning at your mum as much as you are!