To not want a houseful of overnight guests on Xmas eve?

[Adviceinscotland]

Dm thinks I am being a total cow here so will appreciate some views. For what it's worth I was actually hoping for no visitors at all xmas eve night but my parents want to see dc opening presents before travelling home to have dinner in their own house and I can see their point on that one.

We can't change plans to see them later on Xmas day instead of Xmas eve/Xmas morning.

So anyway the problem is dm has invited db & ds to stay overnight on Xmas eve as well, both as single with no dc.

I have a 4 bedroomed house, arrangments for the night would have to be

Room 1- dh & I
Room 2- my parents
Room 3- 2dc & ds
Room 4- dc3 (really needs to be in her own room or we will get no sleep)

We have no room for db, my argument is that I can't have him in the living room on the couch as where the hell will Santa leave the presents and won't the dc wonder why db never woke up and seen Santa.

Have told dm that the only place db can sleep in on the floor in the same room as her and my dad but this was met with a "no chance"

Aibu here? Its my idea of hell having a house full of people staying over, db & ds don't even buy into the whole Xmas thing and will prob sleep right through the dc opening presents so do i say it's not happening or as it's Xmas should i just put up and shut up for the night (and magic up a room for db to sleep in!)

I would bet your siblings would rather go out with their mates, and sleep in their own beds until lunch is served..

I think you should all stop at dm's then you can drive back after kids have opened presents to see what father xmas left for them at home.

Hang on... Dbro and Dsis will be returning with Dparents to Dparents house? Where they stayed the night before and will be staying on Christmas Day? And they don't want to watch the kids open the pressies? FFS, tell them they can't stay with you for their own sake. I'm sure they'd much rather sleep on comfy beds and have a lie in!

So the worst outcome is that your mum asks your permission for the next 20 years?

Result!!!

Tent in the garden?

Put your DB up in the lounge on airbeds and sleeping bags next to the tree and presents. That way the kids will wake them up early, no chance of a lie in!

Ask them to bring food/drink with them too.

could your ds sleep with dc 3
and your db sleep with your other 2 dc's
failing that do you have a shed
if your dm wants them to stay then she should let either ds or db sleep in her room it's not ideal but its only for one night
if not give her a list of local hotels

Oh and next year make sure you are busy with the in-laws. Cos Christmas is about families

I remember my aunt & uncle having to sleep in our living room on Christmas eve when I was younger. We told my sister & cousins that they were very deep sleepers & Santa was always very quiet so he didn't disturb anyone!

Actually, yes, do your sister and brother not want to go out with their friends on Christmas eve??? Don't young, childfree people not go out and get pissed and try to have a sneeky Christmas snog with someone on Christmas eve anymore?

Talk to them, stress the 5am start. That your brother will have to sleep on the floor in his parents room. That you will need your sister who'll be sharing with the DCs to be in bed by 9pm at the latest to avoid waking them up.

then mention perhaps they could stay at home and have a lie in until your parents arrive there... or they could suggest that none of them stay over.

Let your DM cry. And make sure she bloody asks you before inviting people to your house in future.

Tough shit if your DM wants a lovely family christmas. Let her organise one at her house in future.

It is Christmas so i would be ok with it. Your ds and db seem to compromise aswell.

Your mum Has to bring the food or cook though Washing up too. You on the other hand use the full house situation to your advantage, let db and ds to play with the kids and put your feet up-and mn!

Db can say 'i've heard Santa and i pretend to sleep under the duvet'

Yanbu at all.

I would be furious tbh.

I can't think of anything worse than overnight guests on Xmas eve, especially uninvited ones.

Tell your mum that if she's insistent that everyone should be together at Christmas, then she should host it at her house. However you, DH and the kids want to have Christmas at home. But you know she'll have her hands full with everyone else anyway. You'll send them some photos of Christmas morning and pop over for a visit on Boxing Day.

That's what I'd do. You have to take a stand now, or you'll never do it.

I have a tiny 3 bed, 1 reception room house with 3 children and we are having additionally: 1 Aunt, 2 cousins, my mum and my brother as well as us 5, for Xmas eve and Xmas eve nights.

It can be done if you want it to be!

Have you asked your siblings what they want to do?

I think if I were them, I would rather stay at your parents house and get the dinner on for them to arrive back to...or sleeeeeep late.

having said that, my guests woukd not think to challenge the bedroom arrangements I make for them....

Ok thanks. I'm feeling s bit better now about standing my ground!

If everyone agreed I should be stepping over bodies on Xmas morning I would have thought it was me bu.

The only room downstairs is the joint living/dining room (apart from kitchen & toliet) so no separate room to use.

Room parents will be in is massive, plenty of room for a blow up on the floor.

Will you all think i am totally weak if I say she has also invited everyone to the special Xmas eve day out i had planned for dh&dc including my uncles four dc as it will give him and his wife peace to get organised for Xmas day

In my defence though it is a large local attraction that i can't refuse them entry too.

I'd be really pissed off about that. So much so that I'd probably change my plans for Christmas Eve.

Do not let your mother dictate how you celebrate Christmas. Or anything else for that matter. I have an overbearing mother and find that being very firm is the only way to deal with it.

Oh having read the last post, you need to stand your ground on this! I would suggest you tell them you don't want to have anyone to stay. Then work backwards.

Your mum needs to realise she's not the one in charge of the family anymore, it is not "her" Christmas party to invite people to, it's not her 'Christmas eve family day out' for her to invite people too - she's not the one in charge. she probably will cry if she's not realised this before, it's going to be hard for her. It also sounds like you haven't realised this either if you've let her do this and not lost your rag before.

Think about what you'll have to do next year to get the Christmas you want, you will actually have to cut your mother out - not tell her about your Christmas eve plans, not invite her for any of it, if you want to be able to keep control of what happens in your own home, because you can't trust her to let her in a bit and not try to take over.

So the kind thing to do is to put her in her place now, rather than just avoid her in the future. Your siblings will also be watching this, if they settle down and have DCs of their own in the future, don't be surprised if they then feel they have to keep your mum at arms length - best you "teach" her about 'Grandparent boundaries' rather than have her upset and not understanding why her DCs don't want her around...

I have an excellent 2 minute video of BIL trying to perform a citizens' arrest on 'Father Xmas' for burglary, & both their trousers falling down.

Dc insist on watching it every Xmas Eve, & dh & I share a smile - sadly FIL wasn't with us by the following year, & he probably shouldn't've been letting his son throw him over a sofa that year either...

Anyway - I think there's no real reason your dbro can't have the sofa, but I'd certainly impress on him & dsis that it's up & at 'em first thing (& you won't be at all offended if either/both of them decide against staying...).

Sorry, it just brought The National Lampoons to mind...

OK, well I think your original plan of db kipping in with your parents is the only solution. Your mum will just have to lump it, she can't have absolutely everything her own way.

I don't understand this "inviting people to other people's stuff" thing.

My MIL is like this. She invited four extras to our (very small, registry office) wedding, on the day, without asking.

If we invited in-laws over they'd often bring BIL as well. Now BIL has his own place in London she is always saying "why don't you go and stay with BIL?". I'm sure he's not been consulted.

The family day out sounds like you're going to be looking after the four extra children, I'd change plans.

I can't imagine your siblings will enjoy sleeping on blow-ups in children's rooms and getting up at silly-o-clock on Christmas day. Won't they want to go out and get pissed Christmas Eve and sleep in? She's probably making them come, too - and they might be grateful if you told her no, because they're not brave enough!