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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Too much time in playpen for toddler?

721 replies

lexiss · 25/11/2012 11:25

This morning DS 17 months woke up at 6am. I got up bf him and put him in the playpen. It is one of those extra large, hexagonal playpens.

Around 6.15 I gave him some water and changed his nappy. Then I went back to bed after making sure the playpen had only safe toys and the baby monitor was plugged in.

I fell asleep and woke up at 8.30. I went out to see DS and he was happily playing with this toys. He is very into small manipulative puzzles, shape boxes, stacking cups etc at the moment and he was busy playing with these.

He had been in the playpen for nearly 2.5 hours! Is this too long? Is there a problem that he plays happliy for this length of time by himself?

Most days I have a nap during the day for an hour or so and DS spends this time in the playpen but I have never left him for 2.5 hours before.

What do you think about this?

OP posts:
tittytittyhanghang · 25/11/2012 23:31

Marzipan, that one was similar to the first one I had, but the dog took a liking for the wooden spars so we got this one to replace it. They are bloody huge and when people refer to them as cages i imagine that they must think we keep our children in <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?um=1&hl=en&sa=N&tbo=d&biw=1058&bih=476&tbm=isch&tbnid=hzd0E9LI7ULNrM:&imgrefurl=www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2010/10/old-weird-tech-baby-cage-edition/63819/&docid=3HjBhzsmLW8KtM&imgurl=cdn.theatlantic.com/static/mt/assets/science/BabyCage2.jpg&w=600&h=448&ei=vKmyUND4I6XH0QW2-IGQBA&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=2&vpy=144&dur=955&hovh=194&hovw=260&tx=149&ty=102&sig=109982590939680646816&page=1&tbnh=128&tbnw=172&start=0&ndsp=11&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0,i:85" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">this

thebody · 25/11/2012 23:33

Goodness me.. Everyone is entitled to their opinion here, you post and others post.

Just remember op your child your rules and by all means listen to others but essentially parent to suit u and your child.

Just to add mine all played alone as I was busy/ coffee/ cleaning etc and all 4 seem fine. Oldest 23 youngest 12...

To some posters if your oldest kid is 5 then hold right as you are just literally beginning in the journey.

LDNmummy · 25/11/2012 23:35

I bought a PP for DD when she was six months old and learned to crawl. It was for her own safety as we were staying with relatives temporarily and they had a cat DD like to torment. She liked playing with it but it was always annoyed at her pointing her finger near its eyes. She also learned to stick her fingers in sockets as if it was a built in instinct. The day she crawled properly for the first time, she went straight for the light socket! Socket covers were no good, she just pulls them off!!

After moving into a big place, I just use it t block of half the living room so she can't get to harmful things on the other side. Its the Lindam PP so its like a massive gate across the room.

I am -without meaning to be- the definition of an attachment parent. I co sleep with my DD, we wake up together everyday cuddling. We spend the whole day together and she was exclusively BF till she learned to eat solids. I still BF her to sleep and first thing in the morning, I cuddle her constantly and try to be immediately responsive to her needs. I carry her in a sling when she doesn't want to be in her pushchair and have essentially built my life around her for the past year. She hasn't left my side for more than two hours since she was born. And even with all that, I think there is a lot of hysteria on this thread. I think everyone needs to take a step back, breathe, and relax.

LDNmummy · 25/11/2012 23:38

pigletsmummy I know what you mean. The other day I was so sleep deprived I kept snapping at my DD when she would whinge and then feel immediately guilty.

My DD is hard work (understatement). But I am no martyr and no more a better parent. Our kids are all different, all we can do is try our best.

RandallPinkFloyd · 25/11/2012 23:39

Again Golden you're missing the all important in my opinion.

"In my opinion I'm a good mother"

Very different statement and a lot less twatty.

piglettsmummy · 25/11/2012 23:42

Exactly LDNmummy I feel so guilty all the time she has many complex needs and being undiagnosed for 2 years is very frustrating and I have to admit ATM I don't enjoy being a mummy! That doesn't make me a bad mum nor does everything we go through mean I am a brill mum!! IMO comments like that make me think the mother expects some sort of congratulations for all she has
Given up!!

Kaekae · 25/11/2012 23:53

No way would I ever consider doing this. Crap for the child and I think it is far too dangerous to risk.

Goldenbear · 26/11/2012 00:46

Randall, I've been posting on MN since 2007 so I'm well aware of the rules of engagement - thanks all the same.

You think I'm a twat for being confident in the belief that I am good at what I'm doing now- this happens to be a SAHP. Plenty of people, especially men will say I'm a good (insert job of choice) .

HollaAtMeBaby · 26/11/2012 00:56

Can't really understand why playpens are now seen as evil things when we all spent hours in them and are totally fine .

I think this sounds OK, OP, given that he was content - I would only be worried that one day he will figure out how to get out while you're sleeping... is he a climber?

LucieMay · 26/11/2012 01:09

Not sure why it never occurred to me to get a playpen when DS was little, they sound brill! He could easily play alone but didn't like being left alone in a room, if that made sense. He was happy to potter about as long as I was in the same room. I think I just used to carry him with me to the bog and probably had showers at night when he was in bed (my memory isn't the best) or perhaps in the morning before he woke up.

amazingmumof6 · 26/11/2012 01:47

agree with most, if he's awake you have to be awake too!

one day he could do something totally unexpected and being left alone is just not safe for him - you might as well be out of the house!!

monitor or not, if he chokes on a toy or a button or his own sick anything you might not hear him or won't be able to get to him on time!
yes, I'm trying to scare you!
my youngest is 2.5 and not long ago he was choking on something and he was right next to me!
it was the scariest few minutes ever! I managed to save his life, but kept on thinking what if he was upstairs playing while I popped in the kitchen to put the tumble dryer on? I never would have heard him!

I have had naps in kids bedroom occasionally while they were playing happily, but they were at least 3 years old, but after that incident I'll never ever do that again!
If he's out of sight and I can't hear him, I check every few minutes that he's ok.
(I always have done and still do with all of them anyway)

I understand that you need a nap, but you have to find another solution to catch up with sleep, you can not leave him alone as you described!

btw playpens are great for when you want them to be safe or out of the way while you hoover or put the shopping away or iron or whatever, but I'd limit each "session" to 30 mins ideally, or max 1hour if you really must and child's happy.

amazingmumof6 · 26/11/2012 02:04

MaryZ I call our playpen babyjail" Grin
I actually wish cots and playpens had safe lids to stop the little rascals climbing out!

I also joke that we live in a "gated community" as we are currently using 4 stair gates (top & bottom of stairs, kitchen, bedroom) - it's like bloody Fort Knox Grin

amazingmumof6 · 26/11/2012 02:54

lexiss

btw I neither judge nor criticize you, sorry if I sounded harsh!Smile

I've done stupid things and the kids too, coz accidents happen and there's no way that I could control everything or think of everything! and yes, sometimes I'm tired or ill or distracted...
I feel that I have to be on red alert the whole time when they are awake to avoid problems/accidents/arguments/mess etc. and that is so stressful and exhausting!

I think that you and your boy are very lucky that nothing bad has happened and I'm glad you asked what other people thought - I hope you found some comments helpful! (ignore the nasty ones!)

I hope you get some help with your insomnia also!

RandallPinkFloyd · 26/11/2012 08:48

You carry on then golden, it's going great for you so far Hmm

Goldenbear · 26/11/2012 09:27

Thanks but I don't need your permission!

Goldenbear · 26/11/2012 09:30

There are others that have posted harsh or patronising things but there is a big old band wagon and a lot have jumped on it!

naughtymummy · 26/11/2012 09:49

OP I think your actions fall in to the "not ideal, but not actively harmful" catagory. I think particularly at this time of the year whether 6am is morning or not is highly debatable. At 17m on a Sunday I would almost certainly have tried a quick bf, nappy change put back to bed, either in the cot (in a different room) or beside me in the big bed. I think the only odd thing is she put the baby downstairs.

We had a playpen for Ds from about 6m to 18m.This allowed me to pack (we moved twice during this time) and cook (boiling water+ crawling baby=disaster IMO) while he was awake .Never put him in it to nap , but he loved cuddling and bf ing in my bed.

RandallPinkFloyd · 26/11/2012 09:59

Blimey. Do you really not see that it's that level of anger and snippyness that's got you backed in to this corner in the first place?

Surely you must realise the difference between opinion and fact? However confident you are in that opinion?

I was actually giving you the benefit of the doubt initially but you jumped down my throat anyway.

Nail on the head naughtymummy Smile

ChippingInLovesAutumn · 26/11/2012 10:02

Goldenbear Sun 25-Nov-12 23:20:06
ChippingIn, again speak for yourself.

What are you on about??

treaclesoda · 26/11/2012 10:14

like about 99% of posters, I'm thinking 'not ideal, but no long term harm as a one off, probably best to not do it again'.

Mind you, a few people have said 'oh, you were very lucky that nothing happened to him this time', and I can see the reasoning behind that statement, but actually it would be more accurate to say that you would be very very unlucky if something awful did happen. Freak accidents are exactly that, and by their nature they are incredibly unusual. (The OP said she had checked there was nothing to choke on etc). I'm not saying its a great idea to leave a child unsupervised for long periods of time, but on the other hand, realistically the risk of something happening in this situation is quite low.

My neighbours' child climbed out of her cot in the middle of the night whilst they were sleeping and broke bones in the fall. Should they now take it in turns to sit beside her cot at night whilst she sleeps, in case she should wake and try it again? Or do they put it down to a freak accident and go back to putting her to bed at night and going to bed themselves like most families do? Where do you draw the line?

Goldenbear · 26/11/2012 10:17

Yes, yes because people never conform to the majority opinion do they?

I have a Masters degree, so yes I do understand the difference between opinion and fact. Do you understand about group conformity when the underlying evidence proves otherwise? To give an overused example but probably one you'd understand - Hitler rose to power because of group conformity, to an extent. It doesn't make his opinions valid.

I don't care about your benefit of the doubt- what an inflated opinion you have of yourself.

Goldenbear · 26/11/2012 10:18

That was @ Randall

RabbitsMakeGOLDBaubles · 26/11/2012 10:23

When my DD was born, I was introduced into the world of an irritable child! I breastfed and co-slept because it made my life less of a living hell, we both were relatively relaxed during the first few months despite my illness and her fidgetiness. It was knackering though, and I did have a two and a half year old who was relatively well behaved, but still had his moments. I turned the front room into a "safe space" and would sleep on the sofa. He would play, watch television and help himself to snacks during the early days. That was my first proper version of "playpen".

I introduced a stairgate onto his bedroom door for early morning waking, if he wouldn't come into mine and sleep, he would be toileted, given a snack and left to play, until I was ready to get up for the day with madam. This was my second version of "playpen". There was always a lot of tidying to do, but I was confident enough to go to my own room and leave him in his.

He started nursery and my DD grew. She walked at the normal year old ish, and crawled and got into everything. She was officially hard work! I was trying to run the house, feed my girl through the night, take my boy to and from school, and run around after crazy daughter. It was tiring and I would take naps when she did, her in her room with the stairgate and me on the sofa next door. That was version three of the "playpen" I guess. Very fleeting because my DD dropped daytime naps well before I was ready for her to.

And so version four of the "playpen" evolved. Similar to version one except I had to do much much more safety proofing. I didn't know at that point why I needed to sleep so much, got called lazy a lot, but I knew that as a mum to comfortably cope with my children in my circumstances, I had to get a certain amount of sleep and I'd nap to ensure I was fit to cope.

Obviously now I know I have inflammatory arthritis and chronic kidney problems, I know it's my general health that means I need to sleep a lot. But I shouldn't have needed to justify myself before I knew this. I was doing what I though best in the interests of myself and my children. Most of the time it was right. DD has had great delight in proving me wrong a few times.

I mean, this girl is four years old now, and despite the fact that I have and extra lock and turned handle on the door to downstairs, she managed to sneak past, let herself out the house and got brought back to me in the middle of the night by the police!! I have alarms and many more locks now obviously.

You do your best, if you thought your DS would moan and wake you after an hour, and he didn't then WHOOPS your nap was a bit longer, but you say yourself you checked the pen for safety measures and left a baby monitor, if he was content, or fell back asleep (which I think is likely) then that's fine. Nothing happened, and if you feel uncomfortable with that amount of time you know to set an alarm next time too.

If you do struggle a bit with tiredness, and there's no real explanation, do get yourself checked over though. Just to be sure you are well. That being said, I like a nap, even when I don't need a nap. Keeps my brain functioning and means I can manage to enjoy the evening, instead of feeling like I am dropping.

Maryz · 26/11/2012 10:38

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Maryz · 26/11/2012 10:40

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