to shout back at him?

[Nicdigby]

Today I saw a 2 year old (big, heavy) child on top of my (lighter) 4 year old in the soft play centre. The 2 year old was doing a twisting / pinching type thing on DS's bare arm, like a chinese burn. My DS did not retaliate but tried to get up to walk away, but the 2 year old grabbed him round the neck with both hands and tried to pull him backwards to the floor again. He would not let go, even though DS was trying to get towards the door to get out.

At this stage, I said 'no', but the kid kept going. So I got hold of the 2 year old's arm to physically remove it from DS's neck and then I put myself between the two of them. I then bent down and said "no, don't hurt him" to the 2 year old, and I still had hold of his arm, because he was trying to hit me.

Whereupon the father of the 2 year old, (who hadn't seen the original incident but had been attracted by me saying "no"), shouted at me " don't squeeze his arm or I'll do it to you".

I said I was sorry, but that I had to intervene because his son was hurting mine badly and he had been going to do it again. But he would not let me speak. So I went to sit down. As I went, I heard him say "oh did she hurt your arm?" to his boy, and the kid burst into tears.

Then the man came over and started shouting at me over and over that his son was only 2 years old, and that I had squeezed his arm and bruised it. (I am absolutely certain that I did not hurt or bruise him. What a joke.)

I said to him "I have listened to what you have had to say to me, but could you listen to my response now because you are not letting me speak at all?" but he just kept saying "he's only two, he's only two".

In the end, I said to him loudly that "your son was hurting mine badly, but instead of telling him off and dealing with it, you have come over to have a go at me, how dare you?". But he just kept on shouting at me..

I am so upset. I am re-playing it through my mind non-stop and want to have a large glass of wine. I know it's just a silly spat, but this bloke was about 6'ft 4".

The problem is that this is the second time this has happened to me, in very similar circumstances. The first time was two years ago though. Is it me? Should I keep calmer when I see a little thug laying into my kid? Or do I have to accept that there are parents who will let their children do anything and will shoot the messenger who complains?

AIBU, or was he?

YABU - obviously because the other boy is only two you should allow him to beat the shit out of your son.

Seriously -yanbu. Maybe you held on to the other boys arm a bit too long but it's not like you don't know how to restrain a child without hurting them given you have your own dc.

Maybe tell your son to punch the next child who does it to him maybe the twatty parents would prefer that?

I wouldn't have touched the other child to be honest, I would have whisked mine out of there whilst shouting 'how dare you hit my son!' Some parents just see what they want to see. I hope you're OK.

A 2 year old thug?

Seriously? Get a grip.

If your 4yr old couldn't get the toddler off him then you were fair enough to intervene but all you had to do was grab your son and walk off.

How can you be certain you didn't bruise the toddler if you didn't see his arm afterwards?

I agree with lady, you weren't "wrong" to touch the other child, but it gave the prat of a father someone to moan about, whereas in reality it should have been you laying into him.

Yes, you should have helped your son out the way & if you had been the other parent you may well have thought you were being heavy handed.

Maybe tell your son to punch the next child who does it to him maybe the twatty parents would prefer that?

Yes fabulous idea

Let's all teach our children to punch toddlers...

Worra...I wasn't being serious.

Oh

At two they're only babies really,I think if I'd seen a stranger grabbing my little one I would have been upset too

But obviously that doesn't make him hurting your ds ok, your ds is only little too. It would have been better though to have just swiftly removed your son rather than bending down and continuing the situation

And YABU to call a two year old a thug

They are never too young to learn not to attack other children.

I don't think it was wrong for you to physically move him from ontop of your child but you were in the wrong to hold onto his arm and tell him off. You could have stepped back and told him off.

Seeing a stranger grabbing my child's arm would make me see red first. If you had stepped back and told him, I would've approached it with a "What's the problem here?"

I would just have taken my ds away. It's your responsibility to make sure he's safe, not to teach other children how to behave.

I would probably not have held his arm, not because it is wrong but chances are there will be a parent yelling at you if you did. As you found out unfortunately.

YANBU but I suppose you have learnt not to do it again.

No worries Worra,I could have made it clearer i wasn't advocating it seriously .

I'm not a big advocate of punching people. Having been on the receiving end of a punch fairly recently,I've been reminded how unpleasant violence is.

Seriously though OP,I don't think you could have done anything else in the circumstances as the other parent wasn't paying attention and didn't see the first incident. The Dad sounds like he was really aggressive and unwilling to hear what you had to say. Maybe you did hurt the little boys arm. I would imagine he cried because he was a bit shocked at being disciplined by a stranger rather than out of being hurt though. Being told off by a stranger or indeed,anyone who isn't your parent seems to have more of an impact.

I would just brush it off though now. Your son has had two uncomfortable instances in 4 years. Though very unpleasant for you to see,I would encourage him to brush it off. Children can play rough with each other at times.

Up until last week my DD was "only 2", but she was already in size 5-6 clothes, with the kick of an epileptic mule. I have no doubt that if she wanted to hurt a 4 year old she could do some real damage. (So far she's very gentle, with no violent tendancies, I hope that lasts!)

That said, I agree with all the posters who said that the best thing would have been to remove your son.

I think a) when it's someone else's kid and b) when the kid is really just a large baby with very little understanding of right from wrong, it's always better to just remove your child from the scene pronto.

But don't let this upset you - the father sounds like a muppet.

Out of interest what do you call a 2 y.o;. child that behaves thuggishly?

child of satan spirited?

personally I wouldn't let my nearly 2 year old run round in the over 3 year old section of the soft play - when he goes in (we go in quiet times) I go round with him as he won't possibly have the social skills to deal with older children - or any children - 2 year olds easily start pushing other children especially if they get a little over excited or overwhelmed. with older children running round they can get shoved easily and upset. My ds is v calm but if aanother child bumped in to him he might get upset or retaliate - I am there to teach him "no" to any pushing and keep him safe - as the big areas are usually designed for over 3's.

HUGE difference between a two yr old and a four yr old. I can't understand how your four yr old could not extricate himself from this situation. I simply do not believe the two yr old was bigger than your four yr old. And a two yr old can not articulate himself at all, so you have to bear this in mind when interacting withn2 yr old you do not know

I do think that the man sounds quite thuggish though.

I am sitting on the fence on this one.

I think you could of handled it differently, you could of grabbed toddler and said wheres your parent and took him there instead of holding on and disciplining him yourself, you could of moved your dc away and ignore toddler instead you got shouted at for hurting the dc. Although I doubt you really hurt him and the man was VU to shout at you like that.

You shouldn't have touched the other child. You could have pulled your son away though and tell him not to go near the 2 year old "thug". You could have stood back and worked out who the 2 year olds parent was and told them to discipline him instead of taking it into your own hands.

You saw this kid on your DC and reacted. This guy didn't see that but did see you grabbing his DC's arm and not letting go and making him cry, and reacted.

Moral, don't touch other people's kids unless there's no other option to prevent harm.

You should have done what I do, make child release mine by yelling "No darling you are hurting him" loudly then get close and whisper "I'm watching you"

To be fair a 4 year old (at a guess) was repeatedly hitting dc1 around the head - who was 18 months and has always been a bit wet when I resorted to this and his parenst were calmly watching him with no interference.

If I saw someone holding dc1 and telling them off tbh my first question would be "what has happened?" not to yell at you so for that YANBU