Enforcing basic manners?

[GreatBallsofFluff]

Trivial and boring I'm afraid.

Dd has a friend for a sleepover. Friend has not been to our house before. They're entertaining themselves well (I'm just letting them get on with it) but i am at the lack of basic manners from this girl. I asked if they wanted a drink earlie. Dd said "yes please" as she's been taught. Friend just said "ok" and the same with crisps later. I am kicking myself now for not doing as I would with dd which is standing my ground to start off with. Now I'm thinking 'do I bother from now?' Part of me thinks as long as dd keeps it up then why should i care but the other part thinks if I instill it on dd then I should with her friend too.

Both are 8 by the way so I haven't dealt with this in years since dd was about 4.

Yanbu and I wouldn't do anything further for the child without enforcing basic manners. You don't need to be nasty to her, just fair.

Oh by the age of 8 you can kind of turn it into a bit of a laugh and say something like, "What was that? I could have sworn I heard a thank you"

My DS normally picks his mates up on their manners if they don't say please/thank you to me

I just say "pardon?" until they use the appropriate word.

I don't think it's hospitable to pull up a guest, young or old, on their manners. If they were hitting or breaking things that would be different.

"OK what?" or "we say please and thank you in this house" would have been appropriate response.

She wouldn't have got a drink without a Please in my house.

I don't think it's hospitable to pull up a guest, young or old, on their manners

Children are still learning, they deserve to be taught so that when they are old enough to know better they actually do know better. I'm with Worra, I might make it jokey, but I'd ensure the lesson was learnt.

Right am putting my foot down now as she's just crossed the line and taken some food from my kitchen without asking or anything =-O
Dd was not a part of that either. I would crucify dd if I heard she'd done similar in another person's house just as my mother would me either when I was younger or even now.
Have just enforced my no dessert without an empty plate rule though. She said she was totally full having only eaten the tiniest bit. So I said there was no room for ice cream then. Of course to her there was a bit of room. Not a chance! Dd is a very fussy eater and a grazer so I have difficulty getting her to eat a full meal so I am super strict on this one.

You seem to be feeling quite a lot of angst over this girl

taking food without asking is off, I wouldn't be happy about that

normally I am all oh they are guests but tbf that would really get on my pip so yep a big PARDON? all the way

That would be crossing the line for me too - I probably wouldn't go without letting the other child know about please and thank you either, but wouldn't push it more than once as I am not their parent.

But taking food without asking = nuclear option.

I think you're being a bit over the top. Just reinforce please and thank you each time. If their parents aren't bothered its really not your issue.

as long as you pull them up nicely, I can't see the problem.

Children are sometimes uneasy in other peoples houses or new environments. I wouldn't get cross with her but say something gently like, 'we don't take food without asking here -let me know if you're hungry. '

I certainly wouldn't make someone else's child finish food before pudding. I wouldn't make my own child do that as I don't think it encourages a healthy relationship with food -so with other people's children I certainly wouldn't make food an issue!

I agree, taking the food would be the equivalent of jumping on the sofa or deliberately breaking stuff. BUt lack of please/thank you- she's not your dd, so her manners or lack of them not your responsibility. But I'd mention it later to your dd, and explain how bad it looks = what a good impression she makes, being well mannered

And how does she find food in your kitchen without your permission unless you are keeping an eye on her???

DD2 has a friend like this. No manners whatsoever. The mum is unfortunately far too lazy to enforce any boundaries or rules on her children and as a result all 3 are practically feral. Unfortunately she is one of DD's best friends, and so I do have to let her come round sometimes,but when she's here she lives by our rules. I usually only have to pull her up on her manners once or twice when she gets here and she soon remembers, especially as she knows she needs to use good manners to get what she wants.

You're right I'm making a mountain out ofa molehill. Will reinforce in a jokey way.

JustCallMe are you saying i need to watch two 8 year olds every second? Are you joking?

I would re-inforce and not allow her to take the pee, but I wouldn't worry too much about it. Just don't invite her round again

I think it is fair to help in installing manners. But bear in mind that, despite appearing not to, she may well be feeling embarrassed at not knowing the rules or at least not having the habit of manners. My parents were very slack and used to tolerate a lot of rudeness. It then becomes habit. I am eternally grateful to a series of friends' parents for helping me along the way but I also appreciated their sensitivity. I was only discussing with my mil the other day her sterling efforts over the last twelve years. She has been patient with the woman she and her son love but I wince at my relative lack of social graces when I arrived on the scene.

Not at all! Just my kids can't get to the food in the kitchen without asking, but then my cupboards are high!!!!

Ah there's the difference JustCallMeDave mine are in a variety of heights.

Ha ha!! Manners cured by height of cupboards! Brilliant!!