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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To politely decline an invite because DH is not invited?

49 replies

delilahbelle · 23/11/2012 20:54

DH works away, so our 2 nights a week together are precious. No DCs as yet, so we are quite willing to go out and socialise together, and are not joined at the hip when out. However, I have been invited out for a meal for an acquaintance's birthday, but she has she has designated it a 'girly' night.

AIBU to politely decline, because I would much rather stay in with DH (or head our drinking with him come to that) Or should I sacrifice one of the two nights a week we have together?

OP posts:
lurkedtoolong · 23/11/2012 20:55

Depends how close the acquaintance is. I most probably skip the night out unless it was a very close friend.

AngryFeet · 23/11/2012 20:56

I have girly nights with my friends all the time and always have a great time. I would go but if you would rather be with him stay in. You do see him more than your friends I presume and friendships are important aren't they? Maybe one night without him would be a good thing?

muriel76 · 23/11/2012 20:57

I would go on the girls' night. It's a one off and friends are important too.

squoosh · 23/11/2012 20:58

If it's up to you if decline the invitation or not but I have to say that people who refuse to socialise without their partner do my head in.

Shakey1500 · 23/11/2012 20:59

If it was a close friend I'd go.

Original poster
delilahbelle · 23/11/2012 20:59

She's not a particularly close friend - someone I would see if out with others, not someone I would ever meet one on one. I'm pretty sure I won't be missed if I'm not there / have only been invited to make up numbers.

OP posts:
mirry2 · 23/11/2012 21:00

No don't go. Enjoy your time with your dh. If you don't want to tell the truth just say you've already accepted another invitation with your dh.

WipsGlitter · 23/11/2012 21:00

Go on the night out!

Mrsjay · 23/11/2012 21:01

I am sure she didnt invite JUST to make up numbers she must like you ? could you go to the meal and meet your husband afterwards ? i really think going out seperate is important sometimes, It really is up to you though

TidyDancer · 23/11/2012 21:03

I think refusing to go on the basis of DH not been inviting is a bit silly, it might be a really good night out.

I'm kind of with squoosh on this tbh, it makes me cringe a bit.

I don't think as a one off it's that bad missing a night with your DH, but it depends how important these friends are to you.

TidyDancer · 23/11/2012 21:03

inviting invited

bradywasmyfavouriteking · 23/11/2012 21:03

As a one off, I would go.

3monkeys3 · 23/11/2012 21:04

I would go to the girl's night, but things change after you have dc and you appreciate the opportunity for a night out far more! In your position I probably would have opted for dh.

Mrsjay · 23/11/2012 21:09

wel he isn't invited because it is a female only night I have a friend who brought her husband to my friends 40th all women birthday weekend it is really annoying and awkward

Original poster
delilahbelle · 23/11/2012 21:09

I wouldn't let her know I'm not going because DH isn't, I'm sure I can think of a more tactful excuse. After all it's her birthday to spend as she chooses - it's just not the sort of night I fancy.

OP posts:
Original poster
delilahbelle · 23/11/2012 21:10

And I think she would be unimpressed if I arranged for DH to meet up with us after - nor would he want to gatecrash!

OP posts:
DontmindifIdo · 23/11/2012 21:11

Well, it depends, do you socialise a lot without him in the week with this group? If not,you might want to look at doing that a bit more, only going out with your DH makes you look a bit.... odd. Or controlled. Or just like you're one step away from those matching jumpers.

Anyway, have you thought that she's made it a 'girlie night' because there's someone in the group who's DP she doesn't like? I've done this before now, deliberately made a girl's only night out to try to stop me having to spend time with the DP (now thankfully exP) of a friend I couldn't stand (but didn't want to say to her face). If that's the case it's unlikey to be your DH she has the problem with, as then it'd be easy, she could just arrange things on the nights he's away.

Mrsjay · 23/11/2012 21:12

it's just not the sort of night I fancy.

IF you really don't fancy it then it is alright to say no i cant make it and spend the night with your husband Smile

diddl · 23/11/2012 21:13

Do what you would prefer.

And it´s not exactly declining because he isn´t invited, is it?

You only see him 2 nights a week & would rather not give one up for this invitation?

Original poster
delilahbelle · 23/11/2012 21:14

Thanks for the feedback everyone :)

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 23/11/2012 21:29

It's a girly night out, it's no snub to your dh not to be invited Confused

OpheliaPayneAgain · 23/11/2012 21:34

I dont understand why you have to justify whether you stay in or go out?

maddening · 23/11/2012 22:07

if you would enjoy the company go just for the meal and then home to jump dps bones :-)

FredFredGeorge · 23/11/2012 22:10

YANBU for declining an invitation for whatever reason you want. There's no obligation to accept social invitations.

YellowDinosaur · 23/11/2012 22:15

I don't really get why everyone is telling the op she is wired for not wanting to go on a girlie night on one of the 2 nights a week she gets to spend with her dh.

dh and I do more socialising apart than together, mainly because we have kids and no ready babysitters. So we're more than capable of this. Having said that if we only had 2 nights a week together I'd be fairly pissed off if he went out on a night I wasn't invited to on one those days unless it was one of his best friends.