To politely decline an invite because DH is not invited?

[delilahbelle]

DH works away, so our 2 nights a week together are precious. No DCs as yet, so we are quite willing to go out and socialise together, and are not joined at the hip when out. However, I have been invited out for a meal for an acquaintance's birthday, but she has she has designated it a 'girly' night.

AIBU to politely decline, because I would much rather stay in with DH (or head our drinking with him come to that) Or should I sacrifice one of the two nights a week we have together?

When i was with controlling ex i used to turn down invitations like this and i missed out the bdays of two friends. When he beat me up and finally left him they were the ones who picked me up from hospital, let me sleep in their house and helped me with police interviews and courts.

I'm not saying that your dh will turn like my ex but imo life needs a balance. Now i have a wonderful dh but i make some time for friends too. If you have 2 eve pw together is not too bad to miss one eve occasionaly.

YANBUto not go because you'd prefer to stay home.

YABU to title this "as DH isn't invited" because it's all women so why should he be? I too find the "but can't my hip attachment come too?" irritating.

We have one friend like this, she wore her DHs shirt for the week he was away having fun without her, to keep his smell around she's not invited so much anymore.

If I only had two nights a week with my dh I would probably say no also. I might go to something really special but probably not for an acquaintance.

My advice?Go if you want to,don't go if you don't want to.

It's as simple as that really,no need to overthink it.

I have a friend who has a boyfriend that works away. When he's away, he's all she talks about. When he's home, we never see her. Its got to the point where actually we go out without her now, and we gave up inviting her a long time ago.

When they had a big bust up a while back, she suddenly found that she had isolated herself by focusing so much on him, and not remembering her friends too. We were there for her, but think it was difficult for her to ask for our support, as she realised how she had acted.

Whilst your time with your DH is obviously precious, your friends are (or should be) too. So I'd go. Even if you say from early on you're leaving at 10pm or whatever. But go.

I'd go, but then I'm not attached at the hip to my boyfriend.

Up to you. It's not unreasonable for your friend to not invite your partner though.

I usually make a polite excuse if I don't feel like attending whatever the event is.

You do not have to accept every invitation you receive.
Eventually people will stop inviting you when they realize you always say no.

hmmm it is a tough one, I have it with my newish dp. We see each other 3 nights a week but 2 of those he gets in at 9pm and leaves for work at 8am the next day so its pretty much dinner, tv and then bed! The one other night we tend to socialise with our own friends for part of the night then meet up later on, if he was here more than I would be pushing him out the door to go out with his mates but its hard when you have limited time together

Do your friends go out much? Is this the Christmas get together? I would go, you don't have to be late if you dont want to be, and maybe your dh would like a night in or out to do as he pleases.

YANBU

Oops- forgot to mention to give your dh plenty of notice he will have a night to amuse himself, so he can arrange with friends, get a few beers in or whatever. It would be very unfair to announce it with a day or so's notice. I had an exp who did this a lot- basically he knew the less notice I had, the less chance there was of me going out or having fun.

Ask yourself, would you go if it was on one of the nights your DH wasn't around? If you just don't fancy it, you'd say no then too.

If you would go on a might he was mot around then all that is happening here is that you have conflicting social options and have to choose- that's life. They don't need to know the reason why you couldn't make it. If you don't want to go, just say you have something else on.

yy to Jessie.

Some people dont seem to be taking into account the fact you only see him 2 nights out of 7. That's hardly 'attached at the hip'.

My guess is that you would go if it was one of the other 5 nights, and that you spend time with your friends then.

There's nothing wrong with going out and there's nothing wrong with staying in. Do whichever you'd prefer.

I'm sure you can see your friends enough the other 5 nights a week to ensure they don't feel abandoned.

My husband works shifts - our evenings together are rare . If you couldn't be arsed going then don't go. But if you're just not going because he isn't - then you are being slightly unreasonable

My husband is off this weekend I went out last night with some friends and some people I didn't know that well. I had a great time, although looking at time and at 21 month old dd, I feel it may be a long day!

If I only saw my husband for two evenings a week, I'd certainly be spending them with him, so, no, I don't think you're being unreasonable. Personally, I find it a bit daft to designate any event a 'girly' evening, but that's by the by. What exactly are you concerned about? If the acquaintance is just that, it surely doesn't matter if you decline? She really ought to be able to understand why you'd want to spend your limited time with your husband.

people who refuse to socialise without their partner do my head in.

^ agree.

Its a girly night, therefore I'm assuming that no one else will have had their partner invited too?

If you want to go then go, if not don't. But don't go purely because your OH isn't invited.

I find it a bit daft to designate any event a 'girly' evening.

I don't. In my close friendship group there is 7 of us. So if its a dinner thing and partners are invited that makes 14 of us and you never get the chance to chat and socialise with everyone.

Sometimes it nice for it just to be the girls.

What squoosh said!

Is the OP saying she never socialises without gopher DH? After all he works away 5 nights and they have no kids yet.

If you'd rather stay in (or go out) with DH, just do it. No need to feel pressured into going if you don't want to. OTOH, is it possible he might have friends he might like to see whom he doesn't see much of? His social life must be a bit restricted if he works away 5 days a week.

her DH! (iPad autocorrect fail)

She's married to a gopher?

Oh that puts a different slant on things, if I had a gopher spouse I'd want to show him off 24/7 too.

I think it is a bit precious to be honest. Your friends want to see you, not make small talk with your other half.

Many couples don't see much of each other during the week, but manage weekend social lives and weekend sex romantic lives.

Can't see if this has already been suggested but why don't you suggest a midweek girly do another time?

Err, I don't see this as an AIBU issue . If you don't fancy going then offer a polite excuse and don't go.