To say if you don't want to bf then fine but don't lie that you can't

[Lily1986]

A friend is ff her baby son. She tried to bf but gave up after a few days. Privately she told me that she didn't like having to bf and wanted her dh to share the load. To everyone else she is saying that she didn't produce enough milk and is seeking sympathy from others that her body wasn't able to provide for her baby. Really laying it on thick.

I really don't have a problem with how anyone chooses to feed their baby.

AIBU to feel angry at this friend trying to make people feel sorry for her?

[missymoomoomee]

I have seen some awful and disgusting things on here and other places about people who choose to formula feed.

I can see exactly why she lied.

[WorraLiberty]

Spot on soverylucky

If people are so stupid they believe something that important just because someone told them, they probably shouldn't go out alone...

[ICBINEG]

mrsjay are people critical? really? I have only ever seen a few people complain that family don't want them to BF. I have never even heard of anyone being criticized for FF and I work as a peer supporter.

This is another ridiculous myth IMO.

Maybe that's your answer echt that people "think" they will be judged and so lie. and then lie about being judged....

If people stopped lying it would probably help quite a lot.

[DumSpiroSpero]

If certain factions of the pro-breastfeeding brigade weren't so bloody judgy she probably wouldn't feel the need to lie about it.

As for 'laying it on thick', it may be that she is trying to justify giving up to herself so she doesn't feel a 'failure'.

TBH I think anyone who has any opinion on how others choose to nourish their child (providing they are not doing anything dangerous, obviously) is BU.

[MorrisZapp]

Attention and sympathy? How dare a new mum want attention and sympathy. Get on with it love - that's what I always say.

As for urban myths that people believe, they don't really believe them, do they? My MIL is full of childcare chestnuts from 1968, but it would be my own choice if I decided that smoking near my baby, putting heavy blankets on him in summer, and weaning him on a Fray Bentos pie were the way to go.

Luckily for me (and DS) I have access to modern medical care, and Google.

[Lambzig]

I am one of those people who cant breastfeed because of the medication i am on.

I lie about it to friends and some family and say "it just didnt work for me" as i dont want to tell people about my illness and the medication as that is private to me. People do ask, including vague acquaintancies and make judgey comments and sometimes nasty comments ("your DC will be ill all the time", "you must be a very selfish person"), so i try not to discuss it further. Its not easy so i understand why people would lie when they dont want to.

[ICBINEG]

Can we stop mixing up MN and RL?

People are citical on MN particularly on AIBU but in real life I don't even know the feeding choices people have made, let alone asked them why or judged them for their reasoning. This just doesn't actually happen....just like running out of milk....

[Mrsjay]

you only have to read the dozens of thread on here and the press and media and breast is best perhaps some mothers and fathers feel they have to explain away their choices by being misleading, me I really dont understand why people feel guilty ,

[ICBINEG]

I really don't get the attitude that it is okay to lie about a medical condition and that the responsibility is with anyone listen to check the facts...

Really?

Would this be true in any other context than BF/FF?

True fact (not) tampons cause cancer!

[ICBINEG]

homeopathy works!

[ICBINEG]

the sky is blue because it reflects the sea

[ICBINEG]

God exists! and doesn't want women bishops

[ICBINEG]

anti-colic teats prevent colic

[ICBINEG]

infacol prevents colic

[ICBINEG]

gripe water does anything at all....

[missymoomoomee]

True fact (not) tampons cause cancer!



No they don't

See how easy that was?

[MistressIggi]

I think I feel the same way about this situation as I do about people who say they are vegetarians, but eat fish - ie, it's a harmless thing in itself, and I don't care if they do formula feed/eat fish, but it has a negative impact on other people as it gets passed around (so, people try to give me fish as a veggie option, MIL tells me about her neighbour's DD who couldn't produce enough milk).

[WorraLiberty]

Do you really think taking over a thread in that way by repeatedly posting shit is going to make people agree with you?

[ICBINEG]

Well have a busy hour on google then! go to it people.

[wigglesrock]

I didn't breastfeed any of my 3 children - didn't want to. When anyone in real life has asked me if I was breastfeeding (my youngest is 21 months), I simply said "No", now some of them asked "oh why not?" when I replied "I didn't want to" I'm big and ugly enough to tell the truth Their reaction was telling - I'm no longer included in a particular corner of the mums and tots group [shrug] I think a lie would have made them feel more comfortable with my choice.

Perhaps your friend couldn't be bothered explaining her choice, maybe she's fecking knackered and it seems the easiest option [shrug], but as many more eloquent posters than me have said why should she have to say anything and why should you care, really why does it bother you?

[ICBINEG]

worra well when reasoning and facts don't work out you may as well try spam.

[echt]

Not sure why anyone should have to account to anyone else about a medical condition that doesn't affect the other person, ICBINEG.

[Lambzig]

ICBINEG - yes people do ask and comment (agree they shouldnt). I had DS 15 days ago and have only been out about five times and have been asked four times if i am bf and why not (by fellow new mum stranger in Waitrose, by DD's nursery carer, by a mum at DD's swimming and by a mum i dont know at DD's nursery). No nastiness from any of those, but plenty of negative comments from my previous experience with DD.

Perhaps its a cultural thing (middle class, nappy valley type area in SW London)