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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to leave DH to make his own way home?

103 replies

teenyweenytadpole · 22/11/2012 22:23

DH due home from London tonight. I had to pick him up from the station as we are having car troubles. Told me he would be on the train arriving at 8.45. Texted me to say he was on train. Now I have been at work all day, come home, fed children, sorted house, been parent helper at guides also. Drove 20 mins in dark and rain to station, waited 25 mins as train was late due to weather. Train came in to station. Train left station. No DH. Called him, sent texts, no reply. So we drove home and the DD's are now in bed asleep. He has just rung, and clearly he has been drinking. The story is he fell asleep and missed his stop, went several stops down the line in fact and is now wending his way back home. I have told him to make his own way back from the station. Now this will be tricky as we live in the arse end of nowhere and there are no taxis. Station a good 10 miles away across country lanes. He clearly thinks I am being unreasonable for not collecting him. AIBU? WWYD?

OP posts:
teenyweenytadpole · 22/11/2012 23:04

Thanks ladies for the moral support and you have also made me smile which is a good thing. Off to bed, night night!

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 22/11/2012 23:05

I'm single - nobody wakes me up pissed in the night to pick them up...

GoldPlatedNineDoors · 22/11/2012 23:05

He is a twat for.putting you in a predicament like this. If he is old enough to buy booze he is old enough to face whatever consequences of said booze he encounters.

And as for the website - id bin bag his shit and leave it on the step. But thats just me

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/11/2012 23:06

Nighty night teenyweeny. Tell him to fuck off from us Smile

Maryz · 22/11/2012 23:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

skateboarder · 22/11/2012 23:14

Glad you are not leaving your children alone to sort out a grown adult who really should know better.

WhereYouLeftIt · 22/11/2012 23:14

" One time he did this he called me a bitch for not collecting him. He has recently been advertising himself on websites for people looking for extra marital affairs."
Shock Does he know that you're aware of his advertising himself? Shock

SparkleSoiree · 22/11/2012 23:26

The exact same thing happened to me about 3 years ago with DH at 1am..

I ended up driving the extra half hour to collect him as the stop he woke up in was miles from us and there was no public transport - he was also unlikely to get a taxi. The fact he was intoxicated didn't fill me with confidence that he would get home safely at all!

He spent 2 days in the doghouse over that one. Mind you the chocs, flowers and having some of my jobs done over that time by hime was lovely! Grin

Moln · 22/11/2012 23:41

the fact that you don't know where or when he will be to be collected is a no brianer. As you seem to know.

What a horrible situation for you. I don't think he enhances your life really.

ChippingInLovesAutumn · 22/11/2012 23:56

Teeny - when are you going to tell him to leave? :(

One point I'd like to make, which I think is important, even if you don't listen to anything else re his general behaviour - there is no point in starting a thread like this to see if you have lost your perspective or not. Everyone will post about what they would do if it was their DH. If they don't know your background they are most likely to say (for example) 'Yes pick him up' 'He's your DH you should be worried' 'How can you not pick him up etc' - but it's skewed because they assume he's a half decent bloke that doesn't have a history of being a selfish prick and repeatedly doing shit like this :(

A one off occasion, generally a decent DH, of course I'd pick him up. I'd wake the kids and take them with me. Your DH, well... no I wouldn't and wouldn't need to because he would NOT be living with us.

If the station was 5 minutes up the road (a couple of miles) then I'd consider leaving the kids, but 10 miles each way, at night, in this weather - not a bloody chance!

ChippingInLovesAutumn · 22/11/2012 23:58

Sparkle - that's exactly what I was talking about. The difference between a DH who would appreciate it, grovel a bit and not do it again the next week is one thing - this absolute bastard is quite another.

BookieMonster · 23/11/2012 00:09

Would he show you the same consideration? I think you've already answered that. I'd rather be single than spend my evenings worrying about a faithless, feckless twat.

DioneTheDiabolist · 23/11/2012 00:19

Night night Tadpole, sleep well.

Pandemoniaa · 23/11/2012 00:23

Sleep well, Tadpole. YANBU in leaving this selfish pisshead to sort himself out. I'd probably leave him permanently.

lisad123 · 23/11/2012 01:12

Well it's raining hard out there so hopefully he comes home wet, cold and guilty, he is an arse!

CordeliaChase · 23/11/2012 03:41

If my DH did this, even once, he would have to walk home. What a pig!

LindyHemming · 23/11/2012 06:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

minibmw2010 · 23/11/2012 06:36

Hope you got some sleep OP. I'm assuming he found a hotel. Does he know that you're aware he's advertising himself ??

ErikNorseman · 23/11/2012 06:41

How depressing :( when are you going to take action on this loser?

teenyweenytadpole · 23/11/2012 07:37

He texted in the night to say he was staying at a hotel in a town one stop up the line. He is getting a taxi home. No apology has yet been forthcoming. It's a long story, yes have done the solicitor thing, have been to relate but sadly must conclude I may as well bang my head on a brick wall.

OP posts:
hf128219 · 23/11/2012 07:49

Will he come home first or go straight to work?

Hope you are ok.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 23/11/2012 09:28

Sorry Teeny Sad

I hope you get a happy resolution for you and your DDs

QuickLookBusy · 23/11/2012 12:10

If you have tried relate and he is still behaving like this, then you know what you have to do. You really don't want to be banging your head against a brick wall for the rest of your life.

Life can be better, you don't need to put up with being treated so awfully.

GoldPlatedNineDoors · 23/11/2012 12:21

Do you want your dds to think that this is the sort of relationship that is normal or something they should aim for?

waltermittymissus · 23/11/2012 12:31

Pack up his stuff and leave it in the front garden for when he gets back. Then tell him to fuck off back to wherever he was.

Why are you still putting up with this?