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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my sister is a liar and I should call her out on it?

96 replies

starlightlover · 22/11/2012 16:06

I bought my sister for her birthday a groupon family portrait to be done (she's a new mum so thought it would be nice to have professional photos done etc).

I recently asked her if she'd ever had the photographs done, she replied that when I'd given her the groupon gift the date had already expired but she didn't want to say.

I felt quite upset with myself that I'd given her such a useless present. Reading a recent thread on here reminded me so I decided to look back at my groupon orders, and her birthday is right at the end of March and the expiration date on the groupon was the end of April.

I feel sad that she felt the need to lie to me, but in turn she also made me feel bad for giving her present that was useless when in fact it wasn't.

Should I say something?

OP posts:
autumnlights12 · 22/11/2012 17:30

Groupon is a pain. I've been given a couple of these vouchers. After a bad experience first time around and hearing several dodgy accounts of other bad experiences, didn't use the other voucher at all. Maybe your sister has the same attitude to groupon and didn't want to waste time with an offer which requires you to spend money to make it worthwhile.

PackItInNow · 22/11/2012 17:31

OK, she got the voucher, her birthday was in March, the expiry date for the booking was end of April.

Did she tell you before the expiry date of after it?

PackItInNow · 22/11/2012 17:31

Or did she forget to book before the booking expiry date?

CaseyShraeger · 22/11/2012 17:32

It's months later - she probably just remembers looking at it after her birthday and thinking "oh, it's out of date".

ArkadyRose · 22/11/2012 17:33

Sounds to me like you have some big issue with her and this issue over the voucher is ust your excuse to feel butthurt about it and rant. Sorry, but you're coming across as completely unreasonable. I actually feel sorry for your sister if she has to deal with this kind of palaver around you.

Jenny70 · 22/11/2012 17:36

YABU
So the reply you got from your sister was not true, and why that is could be many reasons:

  1. she made a mistake, thought she needed to do the session within 4w period (and yes, not out of date when given but perhaps making a dig that it was useless with short notice - even though it wasn't)
  2. she thought this lie was better than saying she didn't want it
  3. she lied to hurt your feelings

You are choosing last scenario, which is unreasonable - it may have been a mistake or a poor white lie when put on the spot.

weeblueberry · 22/11/2012 17:37

You know your sister best. And because of this you know better whether she's the sort to lie to spare your feelings, or to lie specifically in order to make you feel bad. Is the the latter sort of person? Does she lie often about small insignificant things?

If so then yes I can see why you're upset. But if this is very out of character for her, please just give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she lied to protect your feelings rather than to hurt them.

whatsforyou · 22/11/2012 18:00

Not intending to slag off the gift at all but I would not appreciate it and would not use it and was just trying to point out that what one person considers a thoughtful gift, another thinks of as tat Smile
If the person who gave it to me asked I would prob make up a quick what I would judge as white lie on the spot to try to spare their feelings. Why is it so hard for you to think this is what your sister has done, even if it didn't work out that way.
Why is it easier for you to believe that she thought up a lie to make you feel bad on purpose? There must be previous here as I don't get on that well with my sister but that would never even occur to me!

Original poster
starlightlover · 22/11/2012 18:02

She might have been confused, Idk?

I just think the gift is irrelevant? I don't mind people telling me that I am BU, but some peoples comments are just plain bitchy.

I don't see how the lie could have been to save my feelings? It just made me feel worse.

OP posts:
whatsforyou · 22/11/2012 18:14

How would you have felt if she had said 'sorry I didn't use it because I don't like those kind of posed photos'
See I would think that would hurt your feelings more.
She probably didn't think you would go back and check. Either that or, as other posters have already said, she glanced at it and misread the expiry date. Unless your sister is usually a complete bitch then I just don't get why you are so sure she is deliberately trying to hurt you Confused

Original poster
starlightlover · 22/11/2012 18:16

Not intending to slag off the gift at all but I would not appreciate it.

Well yes you were intending to slag it off and you know you were so why pretend otherwise? You called it tacky, how is that not suppose to offend me?

And you wouldn't appreciate someone buying you a gift? What a lovely person you are.
No matter what the gift was or if I liked it or not is not the point. Its the fact that someone has taken the time to think about and actually bother to get you something.

You don't get on well with your sister? Shocking. I wonder why your sister doesn't get along well with a rude ungrateful cow? Smile

OP posts:
agedknees · 22/11/2012 18:17

But why try and make the giftgiver feel bad by saying the voucher was already out of date when it was given?

I don't understand why anyone would do this. If the sis could not be bothered to get the photos done, then she should have been honest.

Greensleeves · 22/11/2012 18:20

Hating as I do to swim against the tide...

I can see why OP is upset. Being told that the voucher was out of date when it was given feels like being told "you flung me a worthless piece of crap for my birthday". Like being given a box of chocolates that have been half-eaten or a bottle of wine that is off!!

If someone told me I had given them an out-of-date voucher I would be horrified and embarrassed, and sad that I hadn't given them what I thought I had.

To then discover that the voucher wasn't out of date - I would be pissed off and feel that the recipient had insulted me.

All this other schenanigans about how long the expiry date was or whether you personally would relish this particular gift - irrelevant. Who gives a fuck whether you would like a portrait done? OP wasn't canvassing for opinions about the quality of the gift Hmm

captainmummy · 22/11/2012 18:25

I hate groupon too actually. I'm in contact with the OFT about an 'offer' that turned out to cost £50 more than if I'd booked it online myself. Oh, and to use an airline that doesn't fly from the designated airport, or to the designated destination airport. And to use a hotel which was 'unavailable' 5 months in advance, for 2 days at the end of february. At that point I smelt a rat.

Sorry to hijack...

Original poster
starlightlover · 22/11/2012 18:28

agedknees and Greensleeves thanks for wording it better than I obviously did.

Because the gift itself is irrelevant, anyones opinion of the gift is irrelevant. Which is way I was getting so angry.

I was embarrassed when she told me I'd given her an out of date voucher and I felt bad about it. But to find out that it was just a lie well ...

OP posts:
LookAtAllTheseFucksIGive · 22/11/2012 18:31

Yes to everything Greensleeves said. Some of the comments directed towards the OP are plain nasty - one even about feeling sorry for her sister?! Okay... Confused
OP don't call her out on it. Just be less generous. I received a similar gift that I couldn't use. (From my sister incidentally) I asked her if I could pass it on and she didn't mind. She'd rather someone use it than waste her money.

whatsforyou · 22/11/2012 18:32

If anyone bought something like that for me then they would have put no thought into it as my family and friends buy gifts that they know I will like, not ones that they like.
I have never received a gift that I haven't appreciated as they have all been chosen with care and love! They don't think I'm an rude ungrateful cow!
I bought a friend a onesie last Christmas, she loves it and asked for another one this year, I hate the things! My sister even though we're not close bought me tickets for a show I love but she hates the theatre. Wouldn't it be a boring world if we were all the same Grin
That wasn't even my point, what I couldn't understand is why you're so quick to think the worst of your sister? However you don't seem to want to answer that and have got a bit too tetchy for me so I'm off!

Sheila · 22/11/2012 18:33

YANBU OP. totally understand why this is a big deal for you. Think you should talk to her about it and explain how you feel

Suzieismyname · 22/11/2012 18:49

I have no experience of Groupon but perhaps your sister tried to use it in May or later and it came up with some kind of generic 'voucher has expired' message. I doubt it would have come up with a message that specifically said 'this voucher was purchased and given before its expiry date but you have tried to redeem it after its expiry date'!
Unless you specifically told her that she had to book by the end of April then YABU.
My DH has given me pamper/massage type presents and it's taken me months to get round to booking it. I'm quite disorganized, perhaps your sister is too.

paddyclamp · 22/11/2012 18:51

YANBU OP.... Her sister is saying that she gave her an out of date voucher which is a lie. I don't see why she should just take it on the chin to be honest. It's like going round telling everyone that their sister bought them a jumper that had a hole in it isn't it?!

I wouldn't be impressed either

Kalisi · 22/11/2012 19:01

Not really as her sister hasn't been "going around telling everyone" anything. Hmm
Anyway, having read some of OP's previous posts, I believe I shall bail out too. Things can get very heated I imagine!

PuffPants · 22/11/2012 19:09

Your sister was in the wrong. She lied and her lie made you look either cheap and/or disorganised. What other viewpoint is there?

The OP's choice of gift is not the issue. Neither is her sister's use of her time.

The issue is the fib. She could at least have said she'd lost it or something.

Original poster
starlightlover · 22/11/2012 19:11

Suzieismyname you and like so many others are missing the point!

She lied and said I gave her an out of date voucher when I hadn't.

The gift or whether she forgot to book it is irrelevant.

OP posts:
Original poster
starlightlover · 22/11/2012 19:13

Not really as her sister hasn't been "going around telling everyone" anything.

And you know that how?

She actually announced it in front of a couple of people when I asked her.

OP posts:
missymoomoomee · 22/11/2012 19:17

Why on earth did you ask if YABU if you aren't willing to accept people telling you that you are Confused

Now it seems you are drip feeding information and will do so until everyone agrees with you.

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