Smoking and drinking at 7 months pregnant... AIBU to be very concerned about the health of a friend's unborn child?

[SuzySheepSmellsNice]

How big are the risks? He told me that she admitted to him that she'd drunk a bottle of vodka on Saturday night, and she was chuffing away on her cigarettes (virtually chain-smoking) all through our bonfire party... I know that the baby can be affected by drugs if any kind from watching CSI but how likely is it to cause noticeable damage? And how long until we know if the poor little thing has suffered?

Thanks

YANBU to be concerned but there's not much you can do about it. Babies are remarkably tough but the risks she is taking range from foetal abnormality to low birth-weight and all points in between. Do you really want someone that irresponsible as a friend?

My mother was an alcoholic (think bottle of vodka at least a DAY) and chain smoked all the way through her four pregnancies - and we are all fine & healthy.

So, damage is not invariable. But there are risks - low birthweight, asthma etc and these are well documented and known now. So, YANBU to be concerned - but what can you actually do about it? Fuck all, I'm afraid.

If she's drinking a bottle of vodka regularly it is likely you will all know when the child is born with foetal alcohol syndrome. It will be born addicted to nicotine if she's still smoking heavily as well. So may well not be a very happy baby all in all

YANBU to be concerned but I don't know what you could actually do about it either.

Who is the he who told you she was doing this by the way? Her partner?

She's not my friend, my idiot friend got her pregnant as he doesn't seem able to use a condom

And how long until we know if the poor little thing has suffered?

What an odd thing to ask about someone else's baby.

If (and it is an 'if') the baby suffers, how will you know it's as a result of the smoking and drinking?

The truth is you won't know as there are many healthy babies born to drinking/smoking Mothers and many unhealthy babies born to Mothers who did neither of those things.

Two irresponsible people. They seem well-suited.

*not that all babies with drinking mothers have foetal alcohol syndrome. It could happen.

Yes, the he is my BIL's best friend and is nice but a bit of a plank

what worra said

IOts a damm shame, but so many things are

baby might be fine, many are. It might not be

fuck all you can do unfortunately, unless you do a preemptive stroke with SS

Information here about Foetal Alcohol Syndrome

Information here on smoking during pregnancy

:(

YANBU to be concerned but don't see what you can do about it. They sound like a pair of idiots

Worra My sister used to work as a Nursery Nurse and there was a little boy there with behavioural problems and special needs, allegedly due to his mother having drunk and taken hard drugs during her pregnancy. I don't really think it's a weird question. Poor little thing. This woman has another child by someone else, I think he's about 6, and he was a right pain in the arse at the party. Nice lady :(

Are you sure he isn't adding arms and legs onto the story, I highly doubt that this woman would admit to drinking a bottle of vodka to the father of her baby.

She is increasing the risk of allsorts of things for her baby (although I wouldn't have worded it like you did) but I did everything 'right' in my pregnancies and lost 2 children and have had a miscarriage, my brothers ex smoked and drank her way through her pregnancies and ended up with 3 healthy children. There is simply no way of knowing what will happen, or why.

Your sister, as a nursery nurse, shouldn't have been gossiping to you about any of the children there, their special needs, or family situation either.

In all honesty it doesn't sound like you are asking out of concern, it sounds like you are asking so you can go running back to your knobbish friend.

You all sound really immature.

FFS missy I was just worried about a poor little baby.

Well I think it is a bit weird really.

This thread comes across as you wanting to bash the woman rather than any real concern for the unborn child.

Its' not even as though the child's related to you in any way.

No, but I was shocked and wanted some advice. I don't think that's weird. I know there are people who frequent mumsnet who know a lot more than I do about this

Well give him some leaflets as has been suggested.

I don't think there's a woman alive who doesn't know smoking and drinking a bottle of vodka during pregnancy isn't good for the baby though...so I doubt she'll read them.

Everlong time and again these tutting hoiky pants threads are started on this subject...usually (imo) by people who feel the need to bash other women in order to make themselves feel better about their own choices.

Generally they're wrapped up in some kind of 'concern' for the baby.

Fair enough you don't have to be related to a baby to be concerned about it but we could all start threads every day bashing pregnant Mums for something or other that they're doing wrong.

You should prob just mind your own business.

I agree Worra

Its all 'well my friend said this' and 'my sister said that' and 'her 6 year old is a right pain in the arse'.

What advice can anyone give you? You can't do anything about the woman your friend saw fit to get pregnant's behaviour anyway.

Tell your friend to involve social services and go for custody when the baby is born, but I don't think he will, I think he will probably just slag her parenting off to anyone who will listen while not stepping up to the mark himself. I've seen it happen too many times.

I think the OP does sound concerned for the baby. I don't get the impression that she relishes having a go at the mum, she's just appalled by her actions.

And surely if there was ever an appropriate situation in which to wear your 'judgy pants' (or simply, 'exercise your judgment') it's this one!