AIBU to be upset at husband's lack of DIY skills

[helendont]

We've recently moved house and it needs a total overhaul in terms of decor - we've moved our 2 year old into bedroom number 3 while we do up bedroom 2 for her and have so far spent a fortune on ripping out old build in wardrobes and having the walls and ceiling completely replastered. Hubby has put a coat of white undercoat on all the walls and ceiling and has since applied the (damn expensive) extra durable, scrubbable paint I bought recently to two of the walls.

I'm currently off work with a bad back and am 4 months gone with baby number 2. Have just gone upstairs to have a proper look at the progress of this room in the daylight and am so upset I could cry. It would seem he has all the painting skills of our two year old. Paint has been slapped on, is patchy, drips (now dried so impossible to get rid of) all down all the walls, awful brush marks where the roller and edging brushes havent even tried to be blended... and no attempt to even begin to go slightly behind the radiator to concela the bare plaster.

Now I knew he wasn't the most dextrous and we normally so painting together but am so disappointed with what he's done I could actually cry. Am probably being over fussy and unreasonable but we have gone to such a lot of effort to get our DD's room perfect for her and spent more money than we can really afford trying to sort it that I am just heartbroken. He's used up every scrap of paint so there's no room for even going over it again without forking out another load for another full tin that we don't need to correct it. Oh, and he's also got paint all over the carpet as he didn't bother to cover it properly.

While I'm upset I know equally how crestfallen he will be if I tell him what a bloody awful mess he has made (obv woudn't word it quite like that) as he's very touchy about his DIY skills.

What should I do?

Does make me realise that every other room that needs painting will from now on be a 'group effort'

I'm bloody lucky my fil is a decorator to trade and very kindly does our house for us.

My dad was a decorator before her retired and as a child i used to watch him in awe as he painted and hung wallpaper. It is definitely a skilled job and one worth paying to have done properly.

That many people DIY now we've got used to seeing half arsed jobs it really does stand out when you see the difference.

DH is utterly crap at DIY. I make sure I either pay someone or do it myself. I do sympathise as you have spent a lot of money but everyone is different and can't be good at everything.

"but is it really that difficult to paint a wall?"

It's not difficult exactly but doing it properly is a skill like any other. A good decorator will have studied his craft at college or as an apprentice and spent years getting it right.

People aren't generally brought up to paint and decorate these days, I think. My father and grandfather would never have dreamed of hiring someone to do anything they could do themselves - and didn't have any money to do so, either - so if we wanted something done we had to do it. But we were taught the skills from an early age. (I got my first paint brush stuck in my hands at about 6 or 7 years old I think and was supervised every inch of the way - although I wasn't allowed to do gloss until I'd learned emulsion.)

It's not a natural ability.

YABU-at least has has tried. And really heartbroken? get a grip. My dh and I are equally shit at diy but my dh is also tight when it comes to putting his hand in his pocket which means our house is quite literally falling down around our ears

Stick a few pictures up or some wall stickers and you wont even notice it....

I don't know how to paint properly. I mean, obviously I could slap paint on a wall, but I don't know how to make it look nice and even and smooth. No one ever showed me how - I guess these days there's probably YouTube videos etc, but even so it probably takes a bit of practice to get the hang of it.

agree with cogito. If you want a professional finish, get in a professional.

Do you know anyone who could help out that is good at painting?

We have done this in the past. Invited a load of people over to paint then laid on food and beer at the end of the day.

"I painted a wall once...just once....years ago and it was shockingly awful, brush strokes galore."

I use a paint roller or paint pad for walls, just using a brush to do the fiddly bits at the edges. If we need any painting doing I usually do it myself, getting decorators in for difficult jobs like the hall, stairs and landing.

My dad is an awesome DIYer but DH will be gutted if I ask him over to sort it out. Think we'll have to live with it and I will help to 'touch it up' (ie paint over as much as I can) and do the second lot myself.

My dad was so good at all things DIY that I suppose I just grew up knowing how to paint a wall and assuming everyone else can too. We never had anyoe in to do any jobs at all that I can recall during my youth as Dad was such a whizz (was also a qualified gasman and electrical blokey) so it's easy to presume everyone else is too. I don't want to be forever asking for his help though - he's retired now and has just moved house himself so has his own things to sort out.

The carpet is annoying, but the rest is fixable, surely. Hang some paintings up, put some strategically placed wall stickers over any dried on drips - you won't notice it once the room is in use and the child has drawn all over the walls as my dd has with her room .

YANBU to be disappointed with the standard of the work if he's really bigged up how fantastically finished it would be, but YABU to be disappointed in him as a person because he doesn't fulfil the obviously masculine trait of being good at DIY.

If it makes you feel any better, my lounge ceiling is currently splodged with bits of paint from where DH tried to repaint the walls and wasn't quite careful enough with the roller. I tried to explain to him how to do the edges neatly but he has selective deafness where my nagging is concerned didn't listen and did it "his" way instead.

KenLeeeeeee I am absolutely not disappointed with him because as a man he should be good at DIY - I know it's not how he has been brought up and not all men are - it's the promise of an amazing job that has got me really.

His skills lie elsewhere - he is a brilliant dad and I love him to pieces but would rather he had just stopped with this and wait til we could ahve done it together rather than muddle on an make a mess of it.

Problem is he always wants any jobs doing NOW he can never wait until we a) have the right kit or b) can get someone in to help who knows what they are doing - he's just too stubborn!

Sexist

Would your dad be happy to show a few tricks of the trade to your OH, and would your OH be happy to accept help?

I think painting walls is piss easy, TBH. I'm cack-handed as anything and I can do a nice job.

Does he know it looks awful, helen? I can't make out if you're fed up you think he didn't bother and could have done better, or if you're fed up he doesn't see he's made a pig's ear of it and thinks he's done well?

How about changing the paint to a different brand? I know it was expensive paint you bought but my DH is okay at painting but once we got a paint that was hard to get an even coat. Changed to a different brand and all was fine.

Wall stickers or stencil her name over the uneven bits, and a radiator cover will hide the 'bald patches' and provide straight shelf space without having to mention the shortcomings to your DH. Haven't a clue about the carpet, maybe google to see if there's a trick to cleaning it? X

ok, I understand your disappointment. In your DH's defense that dura coat paint is very hard to paint with, I am good at painting but have yet to get a fab finish with duracoat, especially in bright colours. I would put normal paint on the other two walls. If you don't let her have pens or food in there and don't wear shoes upstairs I don't think you need it in a child's room, it's the living areas that get scuffs, scrapes, mucky handprints etc.

For now, I would have a good cry, bite the bullet and buy another tin. There is no point at moaning at your DH, I can't think he did it on purpose and it won't get it fixed. Sand the drip marks and brush marks. Use cif to get the paint off skirting boards/woodwork. Paint two coats of white around the ceiling and do the edge again,a nd on the skirting if you have to. It will be alright with some work.

Then have the rule that he can roller and you can do the edges. That's how it works here.

Can you cut the paint out the carpet with nail scissors?

When you said bad at DIY skills I thought ywbu.

However, he hasn't painted behind the radiator? Surely you do that bit first!

Plus, have you painted onto bare plaster? That wouldn't ness dry evenly which is why you need lining paper. You could just paper over it.

YABU and sexist. How would you feel if your H was upset that you couldn't knit him a cableknit sweater of a weekend?

I think you're getting a bit of a hard time here OP! I accept that not everyone's good at DIY (and shouldn't necessarily be just because they are male) but it sounds as though he could have made a better job than he did and if I was unable to do anything but sit and look at the mess he'd made I'd be pretty fed up too!

My DH is not great at DIY either (maybe why I am sympathetic) - our front step is covered in red paint from where he painted the front door and our landing wall has a big hole where he drilled through when putting up the bathroom cabinet. In addition we can hardly move anything - shelves, curtain rails, wall cabinets etc - should we need to as they are all stuck to the wall with bloody No More Nails .

I honestly don't see how the OP is being sexist.

She doesn't think he should be good at DIY because he's a man and she's said so. She's said she can do it herself, but she happens to be pregnant and not up to it right now.

Why is this a sexism issue?