Not cancelling plans last minute for ex

[Lia87]

Not sure if i'm being bit unfair here, daughters dad rarely bothers to see her, usually makes excuse to change plans, but he texted at 10am saying can i see her today, so i said we'll be home until half 12, or at half 4 onwards, as have breast feeding group 1-3 then need to pick up prescription, and have plans for coffee with friend,
he said half 4 is too late so won't be over,
obviously the start of the group in necessary as she's been struggling feeding so want to speak to the breastfeeding expert there, and need to get prescription as she's nearly run out, but i could get home by 3 if i left the group early and cancelled on friend,
the only thing is he would have most likely known i had plans with friend as she'd put it on facebook, am i being unreasonable as should be doing everything to let her see him, or should i make him fit around, as its only half 4 not like 8pm or something ridiculous?

YANBU, he is! Don't change your plans.

he's being a prat -ignore

start how you mean to go on turning up when it suits him is just not fair on you and later on will not be fair on your dd

the ex was like this at the start. i then let him decide when he wanted to see ds and he had to stick to that if it was once a month then we would be free what it did was it allowed him to decide because of course i was trying to control him so he had to take responsibility. he choose 4 hours on a sunday apart from last sunday of the month within a few months he stopped acting so twatish and saw ds more and we worked it out between us the best times

could that work with you? from that he grew more attached to ds i can not promise this will happen and we work round each other and have done for last few years but he sees ds every weekend

YANBU.

It's his last minute request; he has to fit in with what's offered that day...

My Ex tries to do this. It's because they think life revolves around them and you're just waiting for them to drop by. Don't change your plans at a moment's notice to accommodate him. Sometimes i think it's a control thing with them, they're still trying to get you to dance to their tune.

YANBU

If he can't be a responsible adult and make proper plans/arrangements to see her then it's tough on him. He can't call the shots and you shouldn't have to "fit" in with him. You do it once then "Mr Entitled" will be forever tying you in knotts.

What I'd do is say no and offer an alternative. That way you are trying to accommodate him in her life. If, as I suspect, he starts up with excuses then he can't accuse you of being unreasonable.

Never take on the guilt of the other shit parent.

Could he use this to argue i'm trying to make it difficult and he needs her alone though? Because he did the same last week, changed plans on the morning he knew she had immunisations, then said he couldn't visit anymore because it made it too late, worried he's deliberatly choosing days we're not free to make it look like i'm stopping him seeing her

of course he is being difficult do not get drawn into that. let him decide a day of the week or weekend and go on from there if he then does not turn up that is down to him. if he travels a lot with work then maybe you do have to be a little flexible but only when it is necessary

how old is you dd? when he comes round do you leave them alone go in another room.

i do understand how hard it is trying to not push him away but you are not he is the one making last minute demands he is creating this situations it could be all so much easier

really try to stay clam, no accusations keep firm adn to the point then come on here and rant

Any special reason he's not allowed Dad/DD time alone?

tbh, while he's a tosser doing stuff on the last minute, I'd have thought he might reasonably want to spend some time with DD without XP breathing down his neck.

he may want to spend time alone with his dd but he needs to show that he can act as a responsible parent before that can happen at the moment he is not

Actually, it's his DDs right to contact with her dad.
We don't know he's an irresponsible parent, just a bit of a dick.

Maybe it's time to make a proper arrangement?

what a parent messing around when they can see their child and making last minute demands and then not turning up because it is too late is being responsible really

i am glad most parents expect better for their children

In the nicest possible way, FreudiansSlipper...

how about letting the OP answer why Could he use this to argue i'm trying to make it difficult and he needs her alone though? is an issue for her?

Given that the OP talks about a bf support group I suspect we are talking about a very small baby who is exclusively/mostly bf, so that will be why the dad can't take her alone.

OP, YANBU.

If you think he's trying to mess you around and make it look like you're not letting him see his DD, keep a diary. Note down when you arrange something, and when he asks for time to see his DD. If you can show that you arrange things, eg the immunisations, before he actually asks to see your DD, then I'm sure any reasonable person will understand. Keep track of when you make arrangements that he then cancels.

In any case, I don't think anyone would expect you to cancel immunisations just so he can see his DD when it's convenient to him. They are too important to your DD's health.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1615351-Not-wanting-dds-dad-to-have-her-alone-or-overnight-yet explains rough details to the ones saying i should leave her alone

in end he said he couldnt come over, then texted me at 4 saying im outside your house where are you, so i rushed home... then he turned up at 5 smelling of alcohol.... oh wonderful :/ :(

or details to onemorechap* even, sorry skim read you as 3 different people there!

OP, don't worry honey this is more about OMC getting at Freudian than anything, as usual (yawn)

oh okay, sorry not up to date on any drama going on haha!

Nor am I usually OP but it's like East Enders, you dont really get involved but you just happen to turn it on after say 6 months just coz you're waiting for another programme to start and BOOM your back there witnessing it

I remember your other thread OP. He is a knob.

DO NOT run about after him. A breast feeding support group is more important than him getting his own way. He just sounds like he likes to be difficult. Giving him the choice that you did was not unreasonable so he cant use it against you.

If your daughter is only eight weeks old isn't it a bit early days to say he rarely bothers with her?

I'd suggest getting some structure in place.
As you've got approximately seventeen years and forty four weeks of dealing with your ex left.

why is 4.30 too late for him? Is it past his bed time?

Ask him to suggest a regular day/time for contact, then keep track of every time he messes about with that.

IF he often turns up smelling of alcohol/drunk, then keep a record of that. It's fine for him to have a pint on the way over, but if he is drinking more then wanting to be resonsible for a young child, he needs to cut back.

if he is drinking more then wanting to be resonsible for a young child, he needs to cut back.

Yes, he needs to cut back. But you OP are not responsible for that.

What is more important, is that you need to be there for your DC, a baby. Keep on at that breastfeeding group! And don't let him give you the runaround!

You have to become strong now for you and DC.