To not want DH to go abroad on stag do when I am 38 weeks pregnant?

[LittlePickleHead]

Just had a conversation with DH and feeling a bit upset. He is usher at one his best friends wedding, at the end of May. I am due very beginning of May, and as the wedding involves camping there is no way I can realistically plan to go. DH is still going and I've arranged that my mum will be down at that point to help (also have DD age 3). The stag is abroad (European country, 2 hour flight) and is most likely going to be mid April. He's just said he's going to go for one night, as the chance of me going into labour that very time are slim.

He may be right, but I feel it's a risk and feel really worried about it. Especially as ill have DD to think about and no family close by.

AIBU to think he shouldn't plan to go if it ends up being so close to my due date, or am I being overly paranoid?

Btw I'm missing two weddings and a foreign hen do which are all happening close to the birth so I'm probably feeling a little left out that he can go off an have his fun whilst I wait around gestating his child...

It's hard isn't it, your poor dh. Having to choose between a fun, booze filled weekend away with the lads, or being around a tired, pregnant woman and a small confused dc1... and possibly a tiny crying colicky baby too.

Blimey, the stag IS clueless if he doesn't realise the implications of a newborn baby encased within the non-soundproof canvas walls of a tent in close proximity to others at night!

when I was in a late stage of pregnancy, big bump stage but I cant remember the exact weeks, DH went on a stag do in Prague.
I was walking home from Church, about to cross the road when a car stopped to let me cross. I walked into the road, didnt notice the hole in the ground and fell over on to the side of my bump.
The man got out of his car and offered me a lift. I didnt know him from Adam. I was about to say yes and get in the car (I can only blame pregnancy brain). Luckily 2 people I know from Church drove past saw me and stopped me and took me to the hospital. Everything was fine but it was not so nice so be scanned to check DS was ok on my own and then go back to my house on my own. Also I was the only one of my friend to be pg at the time and lived a way away from them so it was too far for them to come and sit with me at the hospital.
Luckily DS was fine but DH felt VV gulity when he came back from Stag weekend.

Hi Pickle! I'm also due in May, and I'm wondering if I can veto DH's work trip to somewhere 2 hours train trip away at that stage! And he can always get a taxi, if it comes to that. I'm guessing, all veing well closer to the date, I'll let him go. But only if all is well.

I would be sooo stressed if he was a flight away. There are no flights after midnight! If the baby does happen to come then, he will miss it. Is it worth that risk, for him, for you?

He needs to tell his mate that at 38 weeks you are technically full term and can give birth at any time. Even if you don't give birth it is incredibly stressful and uncomfortable, and you need support.

Being overseas, and no family support for you and your older child is not an option - is your 3yr old going to mop your brow and tell you to push??? Or perhaps she'll sit in the labour ward for 6hrs not needing drink, food, toilet etc.

You're already calling in the family favours to cover the wedding, and he needs to tell the mate that the main event is the wedding - the stag do isn't.

yadnbu, what a selfish bastard.

its a stag do , he's not going to meet the pope or anything. tell him to get a grip!

Can you imagine having to make the phone call:

LPH: DH I think the baby is on its way

DH: wash that? there's a baboon coming?

LPH: no, the baby is on its way

DH: aaaaaahhhhhh! I'll get a flight tomorrow, errrr can you pick me up from the airport?

I gave birth without my oh there - I had my mum and my best friend looking after me and my dd - wouldn't bother me at all - if he wants to go let him go - he would owe you big time in the future :)

'You are a family and TBH in our house the conversation about the wedding might have gone, "Can we go to the wedding? No we can't. We have a tiny baby".'

^ Us too.

I like being agreed with Mike and I like the correct and fancy use of quotation marks.

LittleTyga, OP said that the person she wants at the birth is her DH and also there isnt anyone else nearby.

IMO this isnt about being 'owed' it is about being a grownup and taking on responsibilities.

yanbu. he needs to take his responsibilities seriously.

If he wants to go let him, he would owe you big time in the future

^^^^
I wasn't going to comment but can't help myself.
What would her DH owe her exactly for missing the birth of THEIR child? A spa weekend? A few hours in a shopping centre? Perhaps a large sparkly rock for her right hand.??

One that she could look at every day and remember he felt a stag weekend was more important than the possibility of not being there for the birth, help and support his wife in latter stages of pregnancy as well as labour, be there for his eldest child.

I fail to see what he could possibly owe her if he missed all of that.

By the wy, I'm also a fan of stags/hens away, been on a few myself. However I do feel it's up to those invited to respond in an adult manner and not that of an overgrown child. If you can't afford it, if you may miss the birth of your child, if your wife/partner is already on her knees with sleepless nights, demanding children, etc, then don't bloody go - it really is that simple. Well it is if you are a responsible adult

If I was so inclined I could imagine that my DH owed me big time for carrying his baby, suffering with health issues, giving up my job, getting stretch marks, exclusively feeding his child for 6 months, sleepless nights, giving up food and drink that I love... Luckily my relationship doesn't work like that.

I'm coming at it from a completely different view point from you all - I had to give birth on my own - I had to carry our baby on my own - I suffered all the health issues on my own - the sleepless nights - on my own - add to that a grieving 6 year old broken hearted because her dad kissed her goodnight for the last time before he was killed in a car accident that night by a drunk driver.

So if he had been there for the day I had to put her in nursery because I had to go to work, her first smile when I burst in to tears because he wasn't there, the time she counted to ten and all the other milestones he will miss. The birth is just one tiny part of parenthood and he MIGHT miss is - your worrying about what might happen in May. Just enjoy each minute with each other because none of us knows what is around the corner. And when you are on your knees with exhaustion and your three year old is having another tantrum and you think you can't cope any more be thankful you have your oh there to say 'you know what can you take the children while I rest' and when you do that think of the tens of thousands of single parents who have to cope somehow on their own.

So really if he wants his weekend away - for me in the great scheme of things just doesn't really seem that important. So no - no rocks, no spas, no shopping for the afternoon, just being there for you for all the other stuff is what counts - IMO anyway.

Little, I am sorry that you have had to go through the death of your DH and your child's father. But that makes it all the more important that parents are the. When they can be!

If we can't take even tomorrow for granted, maybe we should think hard about every major choice, goi g shopping for the afternoon is not a big choice, but going abroad on a non urgent or vital trip when your baby could be born is a big decision.

Every day is precious

That was a very humbling post LittleTyga and I am so, so sorry about your DH. I do understand that perhaps I am being precious about it as people do give birth without a partner all the time, which was why I posted here.

FWIW I had another chat with DH before I fell asleep last night. I had been v quiet in the evening after posting and so he asked me what was wrong. I said I felt down about the fact I had to agrue my point over this as he should be considering how he would feel if he missed the birth (a big deal for him) and gave a few more points from this thread (not that he is a twat though!)

He gave me a big hug and said he was sorry and that no way would he leave me along so close to the birth (I honestly think he just hadn't really thought about it proper, just 'oh she's giving birth in May so April is fine') and that he would wait to see what the final date is and then if it's too close say no.

So I'm feeling a lot better about it all now!

DH was iffy about going on his brother's stag do when I was only about 25 weeks pregnant. He went (obviously) and it was fine. He refused to travel more than 2 hours for work when I got to about 36 weeks pregnant. And I had DS (PFB) at 37+3, which was a bit of a shock as 'first babies are always late' and my Dsis went over with all 5 of hers and I just didn't really even consider it to be a possibility.

I think you're being very gracious about the wedding, and your DH's friend is an idiot.

Ah Easily he is honestly not an idiot I promise! No pressure on either front, I think he just wanted to think I would be able to go (and that DH would be able to go on the stag) and hadn't thought it through (why would he, we are not the most important thing at all and I would no way expect them to change any details to accommodate us).

Honestly, if people haven't had children they don't realise the practicalities surrounding it and why you can't get a babysitter for a tiny baby etc. Don't worry, they will find out soon enough when they choose to procrete!

Feel a bit bad for posting and DH's friend getting a slating (not at all my intention!)

Little, when they do have children its great fun to watch.

I don't think any of us REALLY know what it's like until we have our own!