X husband and christmas day

[wannabestressfree]

I just wanted to canvas opinion actually.........
X husband and I split three years ago. The first christmas we spent together [was hell], last christmas I had the children christmas eve and for the morning and then they went to him and new girlfriend.......

I agreed [reluctantly I admit] to swop this year. This was requested by his solicitor and part of my divorce agreement.

I have received an email from him [he works abroad in a war zone] that he would rather we stuck to last years arrangement. His partner has her children in the afternoon and he would like to have ours then. He has said its not possible anymore to have them in the morning........

So I think he should stick to it because

1. He demonised me to the children as being 'unfair'.
2. I have another child in hospital and I would like to spend some time with him.
3. My whole family are coming for dinner now.
4. I had a shitty letter from his solicitor so my first response is 'tough'

Am I wrong?

I would also like to add that I have agreed to let him take them away from the 2nd to the 6th for a holiday........

Good luck with the calander hunt!

Hey wannabestressfree!

FANTASTIC that DS1 is moving to London! Can't tell you how pleased I am for you (all of you).

Your XH is an arse. That is all there is to it. His treatment of DS1 through out all of his troubles has been sickening. For that reason alone, in my book he's lost the right to dictate the terms of anything DC-related.

Honestly, in your position I'd tell him it's not possible to change now due to your plans to see HIS DS1 (how many months is it since your XH bothered to visit DS1, BTW?) and he'll just have to cope - as you do for the other 330 days of the year.

((((OP))))

Thank you.
He hasn't seen him since he went in. He sent him an Argos voucher for Christmas (through me) which was ironic as he can't go out.

I think I have made my decision though. They are excited and to be honest his partner is nice. I don't think it's down to anymore than they would like all the children at the same time. I would have been ok with that had I not been bullied by solicitor and vilified to my sons.

Cinnabar he moves Monday to Ealing :) and they sound more relaxed and keen to get him into the community. He has had his section renewed for another year but i feel he is on the right road x

Right he insisted on the agreement as it suited him to do so you accepted the agreement and made arrangements and plans to accommodate his request.

And then he wants to change the agreement he demanded because it no longer suits him well tough shit really, you don't get to do that with your children.you also don't get to piss arse about with another adults arrangements after you insisted they made them just because your a giant twat especially if those arrangements are to do with showing your eldest hospital resident child a bit of normality or cheer on Christmas Day.

And I'm gobsmacked a few posters have had a dig at you because of it, my sister would come out with crap like appease him he is the dad but then again my sister is a twat, I'm more of the both parents have to act like parents school of thought and that means considering there children when they make arrangements.

My response would be different if the children wanted to switch.

Because I'm really very nosey could you please expand on the custody of the box sets thing please

I would certainly not spend Christmas with a man who won't see his child in hospital.

Yet you should be amicable and spend the day together

He had lots of box sets that he watched with the children eg a-team, laurel and hardy etc. They still liked to watch them but he sent me a letter saying he wanted his goods back.

He also demanded the return of any electrical goods in ds1's room that he paid for as 'he doesn't need them where he is'. I ignored this request and prayed he would take me to court....

Don't get me wrong. I don't mind being flexible. I think it's important they see him but he isn't very accommodating. Ds2 didn't want to go away in the summer with him and that was all my fault. Ds2 just knew I would be going to see ds1 and wanted to spend sometime with him. I just can't talk to him. He does his nut. And they are frightened to have an opinion.

I know this is unconnected but it is really hard getting him things for Christmas.....
No shower gel (no caps)
No soap (18 year old brother was gutted they sent back his arse face soap :0)
No deodorants
No games above a 12 and must be checked (he takes on personalities of characters eg batman)
No zips, strings etc on clothes (he asked for a jack wills hoodie this has been denied)
No laces on shoes
He is arty but no sharps etc

I am trying to be inventive :)
He knows I get advice on here and will often ask 'what did mumsnet say' when I query something....
Bless him. He has a major big bang theory obsession at the mo and talks to me in Sheldon 'bazinga' :) new doctor said if he settles though I should be able to take him out for dinner in a few weeks. Let's just hope he settles x

If he likes Sheldon why not get him some Sheldon t-shirts! EBay have most of them...

Re advent calendars, the ones in the pound shop dont have foil and the chocolate isnt too bad....

Just a suggestion - can you get him a Jack Wills hoodie, and bring it to a tailor, and get the string in the hood and the zip removed?

Also if he's into BBT there are websites selling the t-shirts that all the characters wear (I'm getting DD a Green Lantern one as a stocking filler)

Your original thread about him was one of the first I read on MN and my heart went out to you. You and your family have come so far since then, I hope your DS gets on well in the new unit. I hope you get sorted with that eejit of an XH that he fucks off to the far side of fuck and then fucks off some more

Oh your name is my favourite EVER!!!

I am going to have a look clothes wise. Have just had a chat with him and as desperate as he is to leave hospital he has just reminded me 'I have no friends mum'. It makes me feel so sad. He has neem
ill for so long. He is concerned no school or college will take him due to his history. :(

Thanks all for the ideas. It helps as have no time to think lol

You can get hoodies that go over the head rather than zip up iykwim

Do Lush do more manly stuff? Their stuff doesn't come in bottles often although I'm not sure what they do as even walking past Lush gives me a headache

Books on Big Bang theory?

We will get you sorted OP never you fear!

How about a hoody like this Jack Wills one - really easy to take the string out though I am a bit open mouthed at the price!!

Wannabe, DH works in a sixth form college and they have more than one student this year that have complex mental health issues. You have to believe that no one is going to hold his behaviour aged 15 and pre-diognosis over him forever more. Take each day/week/month as it comes, he is making progress and having him closer to home will be a major step.

Also without sounding silly... no soap, shower gel or deoderant? What does the poor sould use?

Lush does do manly stuff but I am a bit like you and it gives me a sore head... online is your friend!

Sorry me again

Jack Willis also do stationary and although a wee bit expensive they have a pencil tin for £6.50 and some nice notebooks HERE. I know Dbro (18) loves his for uni.

In all fairness when he had psychosis he would use anything to cut and Hurt himself.
I get him the imperial leather shower gels- the squirt ones that produce a mountain of bubbles :)
We normally get there. I managed his stocking I just forget things eg I got him a drawing pad and it had a metal twisty spine. Spent back- could be used as a weapon....

I am not concerned what will happen to him. But I know he does. He feels so isolated.

Can't help with ex-h, sounds like an arse, what does the new partner see in him. For education, the open university will take people with MH issues, and do prison visits for tutorials etc, so would prob go to secure unit too if unit agreed. Depends which subjects he wants to study and at which level, and might cost in terms of fees, maybe ex-h could pay!!!

He is in year 11 now and will pass them at c and above which is a miracle really. He would like to study art at 6th form (he is very talented) and I have been to our local one for a look. He would start next September.
I feel for him. He is very clever but just falls apart when stressed or unhappy.
Social services will guide us I know and the hospital when he leaves and it will be a slow process. He is likely to come home on a supervisor order. I was just thinking about what he had said to me tonight.

How about a sketchbook, my DD is at Uni doing a fine art degree and she loves getting new sketchbooks. You can get bog standard ones or fancy ones, they are put together like a book so no metal, Amazon is a good place to start.

I think that you are behaving in such a dignified way, your DC are so lucky to have you as a mum. I hope you all have a happy and peaceful christmas

How about drawing pads without the spine bit like the ones that have gum holding the paper, possibly artist pastels or chalk.

Would he be allowed books that relate to over 12 games

Is he able to have other smellies like roll on deodorant.

Yes I found some art supplies in hobbycraft. I should have a new list of do's and don't's for the new unit tomorrow or thursday so will be able to plan a bit. I am collecting the clothes that don't fit him saturday [he has put on four stone from medication] and taking some choccys and flowers for the ward.

Pinkbraces that's what he would love to do. He draws for hours and sends his pictures to my mum and other family members instead of cards.

Am so happy he will be closer though. :}