to be saddened that DC is wasting academic potential?

[Smokerings]

I feel a bit if a cow really but I am really dissappointed in my DC's aspirations.
Just gone 14, academically exceptional. Top of the year in a grammar.
Has decided to aim for a career in graphic design.
I know that being happy and job satisfaction is the most important thing we could hope for our offspring. And I know that graphic design is a highly regarded career, but I'm saddened at the lack of desire to use a brilliant mind.
It will possibly all change over the next few years, but I'm agonizing over this potential waste. And hating myself for being bothered by the lack of ambition.

(namechanging regular as I'm a bit ashamed of my thought process, tbh)
(please please don't think I'm being disrepectful regarding Graphic Design, it's just not as academic as this child could achieve)

Oh LaQueen your daughter is very lucky to have a parent that understands her like that.

(Descends into weird and disturbing fantasy that LaQueen is my mum even though I'm a full grown adult....)

He is 14 and personally graphic designer sounds a good career to me starts about 14k as a junior so know not great but can work up to be a creative director 65+ per year. Again have to echo will probably change mind I wanted to be a vet, police officer, model, teacher, architect ... Could be worse my DS wants to be a hot chocolate maker in Finland.

At 14 the are likely to change their minds a dozen times yet! The best thing is for her to not narrow her choices and study a wide range of subjects at GCSE and A level. Then go from there

I have 2 graphic designers in the family. Both actively enjoy going to work, have good salaries, prospects etc. One started out as a standard graphic designer and moved over time to senior director (and board member) level of a national newspaper. He is a member of Mensa. IT'S NOT A DEAD END JOB FGS, LIGHTEN UP!

I would be perfectly happy for the child to do a career which is heart-driven. Massive financial reward is not really high on my criteria for my DC's futures. Just contentment.
This thread is about my angst that I am saddened that despite being mathematically (predominantly) exceptional, the child is veering towards a career (atm, I'm fully aware that this may, and most likely, will change) in which they display the least capacity and flair for.
Thank you to all those who have read my posts - your responses have been most help and supportive.
To the others who think I am driven financially, by status or that I look down on Graphic design, well, stop the assumptions and read my actual words as it's very tedious to read your judgemental comments. My placement of my feelings re this were very clear from the OP.
Where did I say that it wasn't a desirable career?
And I didn't say the child was creative enough, MrsMinivers.
Basically - RTFT.

To simplify, let's hypothesise:
I have a child that is brilliant at piano. Every single professional who has met this child tells me that they are the most brilliant pianist they have ever encountered. Natural flair, capacity and drive.
Now, let's assume that this child wants to become a professional footballer - an avenue where they are only adequately skilled.
Is it so bloody unnatural of me to be saddened by this "waste" (can't think of a better phrase)? And is it unreasonable of me to berate myself fir this sadness?
Swap the above for Maths and Design.
Is that so hard to comprehend?

Please also note that I have reiterated that I don't let this child know my feelings, in fact have encouraged the purchase of relevant design books.
I will have a look at the Independent link, thank you Jingle.

But it's only a waste if the child also wanted to be a pianist, but couldn't for some reason. Ywnbu to be saddened that they didn't want to be pianist, but Yabu to describe it as a 'waste'. A 'shame' maybe, in a mild sense, but not a waste, with all the disappointment and let-down that involves.

Nothing is wasted if there is no desire or inclination to pursue that direction.

Sorry I'm back again and enjoying the creatives on here sticking up for the industry.

I just wanted to add at the age of 5 I wanted to be a designer and told my mum, I did do science A'Levels to balance the academic qualifications and my then school allowed me to shift around the timetable as the A'levels of Art / biology and geology didn't timetable I was expected to do history and english I guess.

Graphic designers in germany are called Visual Engineers and it's far more of a science than a creative "Arts" career.

OP - You clearly said it wasn't desirable career by using the words "Waste"

And then by adding (please please don't think I'm being disrepectful regarding Graphic Design, it's just not as academic as this child could achieve)

Which is basically saying that people working in graphic design are maybe a bit academically challenged?

Hmm. Is he world-beatingly exceptional (International Maths Olympiad, could waltz through A level further maths tomorrow if he wanted) or just very able? I knew quite a few people at Cambridge who got a place in maths no problem but then hit a brick wall at some point and dropped out. Maths is like that. I don't think you can often tell at this stage.

Also, hardcore theoretical mathematics is a vocation rather than a career. If he's not spending his entire time writing complex computer problems and trying to re-solve Fermat's Last Theorem then probably he's not going to spend his life as a mathematician - and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Regardless of ability, I'd say that most self respecting 14 year olds would like the sound of being a graphic designer more than an accountant/mathematician!

You are being a little unrealistic to expect otherwise! Maybe time will change it, maybe it won't. But the oly person who will have to live with the decision is the child......and if they are really that gifted they can always retrain if they feel they have made the wrong choice

What career would you prefer him/her to have, Smokerings?

I was academic at school but also quite arty and practical though, and also loved dancing and performing but I never thought I was good enough at it to make a career at it. I felt I ought to do subjects which were seen as academic and ended up doing law at university and then practising as a lawyer for ten years. Now, I don't regret my choices, I think I made the best ones I could at the time. But the best job anyone can do and the best course at university anyone can do is one they enjoy, you will almost always succeed in something you have a passion for. Whereas if it's something you hate, or can only tolerate it is much much harder to do a good job at it. Though I knew being a lawyer wasn't something I'd do all my life, only recently have I worked out how much practical and creative stuff is important to me.

If you have an arty, practical, outdoorsy or creative bone in your body, no matter how academic you also might be I'd say for God's sake don't go down the route of a dullsville city type job making money for already rich people in tax, accountancy, law, insurance, banking or whatever. I don't care how well paid they are or what the purported status of such jobs is, that's the sort of job I would be steering DDs away from (though if they wanted to do that, fine) and something like graphic designer has so much scope and would be a totally brilliant career. For that you need brains, creativity, practicality and if he/she got into a more technical side, very good maths would come to the fore as well.

Smokerings, I don't think you are being unreasonable in the way you feel at all. My oldest DD has just started at Bristol. She was exceptionally bright through to about year nine and dreamt of being a doctor. Then a combination of not giving a shit and playing hard brought her back down to earth somewhat and she then trundled along. Certainly in the top fifth of her year, but not leading the way as she had.

In the end she achieved three As in her A Levels and chose a totally different degree and potential career path and is loving every second of university, from the piss ups to the hard work. I am so proud of her for doing what she wants, but with the constant attitude of aiming high in what she wants to do.

DD2 is off the scale bright (fuck knows how!) and has wanted to be a lawyer since she was 7 years old. She's had offers from all her chosen universities and has the pleasure of including Oxford in that list. I think, if I'm honest, I was slightly disappointed in DD1's choice initially, but after the year we've had (their father dying from and my diagnosis of cancer) frankly they can do whatever they want, so long as they are happy and secure in their choices.

Just guide, that's what we should be doing. Guiding them on their paths, not steering.

Being good at something doesn't automatically mean you should pursue a career in it, or that you'll be any good at a career that involves it. My DH and I are perfect examples of this. My DH can't spell for toffee and isn't great with language but is brilliant at maths yet he chose psychology at degree level, same as me, which is a very language-driven discipline with relatively little maths. His school results would have led you to believe he would be a disaster at it. In actual fact he is brilliant at it and has had great success. In contrast, I was always language oriented and I have gone nowhere with psychology.

I was always brilliant at languages but there is no way I would have pursued a career that involved languages - it just didn't interest me at all. You seem to think your DS/DD owes the world something - as in he/she "should" use their talent, otherwise it's a "waste." It's not a great outlook to have. Your DC will actually have to live the life they choose. No one will thank them for not "wasting" their talent. It makes far more sense to choose a desired career rather than an easy one, don't you think?

ROLF at graphic design being a disappointing career choice. I think that you need to do a bit more research OP(!) There's plenty of room for glory. Pick up a copy of Creative Review as a starting point.

Well, to take your piano analogy, if you push them too hard to practice you will put them off for life.

maybe just relax a bit and let your Dc choose for themelves? They might come back to whatever it is they are really gifted at. Mind you, they might eb sick to the bloody back teeth of everyone focusing on their gift and asking themselves if anyone cares about the real them beyond that gift.

(I wanted to be a showjumper when I was 14.)

OP I can totally understand where you are coming from. You see the potential in your child and you also see the 'waste' of potential if he chooses a path where he will not use this potential.
I know, from me, this is coming from the fact that I have always been told to develop my abilities/potentials to the full with the assumptions that developing those would mean having the opportunity to do something you enjoy (because the assumption again is that you are not usually good at something you don't like and that you should be enjoying something that you like).

My own experience is that I was very good at science. I did very well at science and got a good job in that particular area I loved (Chemistry). Except that, even though I loved and still love the subject, it wasn't really fulfilling for me. There is another side to me which loves interaction with people, one that loves just working with my intuition, going with the flow, all of which is just impossible in that career.
I am very very lucky that I could retrain in a job that is more appropriate for me.

I still use my ability and my brain though. Just in a different way.
Because my ability isn't just about doing maths and science. It's much more than that because I am much more than an ability to do maths.

What I am trying to say is to be careful to reduce your ds to his ability. Yes he has a fantastic advantage. Yes he has a fantastic ability that can also be translated to other things other than maths.
And I suspect he also has other abilities that aren't evaluated by our current school system.

You are totally right in wanting him to draw on these abilities. Just don't forget that the way school evaluates abilities might not reflect the true potential of your ds.

Sorry OP, my post sounded a bit fighty.

Escape said it much more eloqently than me. :)

noch that is actually not true.
Very gifted musicians who make it at the top level do so because they have been pushed supported during the teenage years where they were more likely to want to go out and party rather than study music 5 hours a day.

Very gifted musicians are like this thanks to hard work and ability. Remove the work and there is little left.

x post... I see we are on the same lines

YANBU. Where's Xenia when you need her?!

You say you are churned up about this, and I appreciate your honesty.

In order to feel better about it perhaps you need to find out why he is choosing this. He's choosing a career that doesn't involve maths for a reason.

One reason may be that G&T people find their subject easy and enjoyable, second nature and really don't appreciate it, so doesn't see the point in studying it further.

Another is that he may be hugely afraid of where it will take him - either towards a point where he won't be top of the game any more (afraid of competition), or to a point where his genius will be out of control and he won't know where to stop (being a mathematician may not be what he wants to be).

Another is that the reasons are neurological. He is good at left brain activity, perhaps his right side needs to get stronger and he is naturally redressing the balance. It is perfectly possible that, like other neurological systems, when one is overloaded the other starts to compensate, so he is getting natural urges to explore creativity.

Or, as I don't know you, you may have assumed all his life he was brilliant at maths when he was just trying to please you or his teachers and that was a way to do it, and perhaps now he's found enough testosterone in his system to rebel?

Ask him.