to be saddened that DC is wasting academic potential?

[Smokerings]

I feel a bit if a cow really but I am really dissappointed in my DC's aspirations.
Just gone 14, academically exceptional. Top of the year in a grammar.
Has decided to aim for a career in graphic design.
I know that being happy and job satisfaction is the most important thing we could hope for our offspring. And I know that graphic design is a highly regarded career, but I'm saddened at the lack of desire to use a brilliant mind.
It will possibly all change over the next few years, but I'm agonizing over this potential waste. And hating myself for being bothered by the lack of ambition.

(namechanging regular as I'm a bit ashamed of my thought process, tbh)
(please please don't think I'm being disrepectful regarding Graphic Design, it's just not as academic as this child could achieve)

Being top is no picnic, possibly your ds is exploring ways to escape the pressure he may feel and a subject that isn't his strongest may seem like the way to go. For now.

But no, your feelings are not unreasonable at all. Of course they are not. It's how you manage them that is key and presumably you will continue to support your ds as before and, with time, you may find your feelings become more positive.

What leapt out at me from the OP is the comment on the "lack of desire to use a brilliant mind" Unless your DC is truly exceptional I think that is over egging the whole academic achievement thing.Perhaps your DC does have the potential to be truly exceptional,but being top in a grammar school doesn't prove this. I was at the top of my selective school - I don't have a brilliant mind IMO.I am clever,I am good at exams,I am academically inclined,and so are many other people.
The real waste is for someone to spend years in a job they don't enjoy and don't find fulfilling,if they have an alternative.

In my school "good at science" equated to "should study medicine" - luckily even at 17 I was sure I wasn't suited for medicine,and I was right.Academically,I could have done it,but I could not have coped with what working in medicine involves,and that must be true for many people and jobs.

14 is still very young,and academic achievement is only part of what a person has to offer.I do think it is worth talking about what your DC likes about graphic design,and also to discuss your feelings about what they would enjoy and be good at (there may be factors they haven't considered at all that would be relevant) but in the end people have to decide for themselves.

(Love that Calvin Coolidge quotation. More simply: clever is ok; hard-working is ok, but clever + hard work = unbeatable.)

There are, as always, a few variables on the OP's problem. I was never pushed by school or parents. I was one of the cleverest people at my top grammar school. I went to university, drifted around jobs, was directionless. I wish someone had spent five minutes giving me advice, a boot up the backside, anything.

Dh is a brilliant artist (and there's not much that's brilliant about him, so I am not habitually heaping praise on him!) but his mother who was very forceful and domineering made him study accountancy. Dh earns quite a lot of money, but has HATED his job for 25 years.

Ds is clever, but not especially passionate about anything. His last idea was to be Tim Vine

Just an aside, but I'm noticing that every other kid now wants to do "Law", no matter how mediocre their qualifications - and they seem to be finding places, even if it's at the University of JustFoundedLastWeek. There's going to be a huge glut of lawyers in a few years time.

I do think at 14 it is a difficult time for a kids . my friend with older children saying to me , oh just you wait till she is 1
4 dd was all over the place at that age she was in top sets and was sure she wanted to go into something with physics,
they are just finding out who they are at 14 and developing into adults and being academic is fine but I do feel they need to explore the whole person rather than their academic achievements DD is into music and is now doing a music and sound engineering course so she is using the phsyics and her love of music , but it did take her till she was 17 to decide that is what she wanted to do,

DD2 is now 14 and she was always convinced she wanted to do 'something' with cooking and now she isn't too sure what she wants,

14*

That is the problem - sorting out the people who are drifting,or misjudging what they are good at and would enjoy in a career,and who could do with advice and a bit of a push from someone from those who have actually found something they are good at and would be successful at and need support from their loved ones to follow that through,even if it isn't what the loved ones would have chosen for them...no easy answer,really.

You know OP, I think I get where your coming from.

I'm a full time successful Children's book illustrator. I was (am!) very academic and bright. I came very near the top of my class with most things except Maths and Physics. I said all my school life I wanted to study English Lit at university ( I even went as far as having a place) - but then changed to study at Art college at the last minute. I remember the moment clearly. My gut instinct was telling me something.

My parents weren't best pleased.

What followed were some great college years and then about 10 years of struggle. Now, I'm known in my field. Well published. I have a average decent salary can change year on year. It's not a really high wage earner BUT I'm hugely satisfied with my career. I'm constantly using my brain, visiting schools, colleges, giving lectures, coming up with creative things out if a void, great business skills.

YET despite all this, I said to my DH the other day that if one of my DC's said they wanted to do art there would be a tiny piece if me that would be disappointed. WHY? Goodness knows. The only thing I can think of is that as I'm surrounded my arty, creative types I see many if them struggle and I'd want to protect them from any if that.

However, in the last 15 years I've seen a fair few of my non- arty friends being made redundant out of the blue. I wouldn't want that either. I think we can't protect them from life.

I'm SO glad that my parents had the guts to support me in my decision ( although they were very panicked for a good few years). It would be horrible to not know whether or not I could have followed my dream.

Let your DC look into it. You can find average salaries on the Internet. It's a huge business, especially the design/computer end, but its exciting!

X

You sound like my Mum many, many years ago! I had the best exam results in my year, but wanted to be a graphic designer. Art and design wasn't my best subject either.
I was made to do A levels in the hope that I would see sense, then I took an Art Foundation course, which lasts a year. Some people during this year do decide full time Art is not for them, and apply to do a more academic degree.
I have a Graphic Arts degree, so none of that worked for me!
However, from my course there are some very successful people. Including someone who has there own multi national design company. Most are in regular paid employment in the design area, some are freelance, some are teachers, some teach at degree level. A few are still drifting... I don't think this is too different from many courses.
I was attracted to being creative, and being around creative people. It brought me much more satisfaction than a well worded essay.
This isn't your choice to make. At some point you have to start to let go, and let your children make their own way in life. I suspect this may be the hardest part of parenting....

Goodness me. The child is 14!! At 14 I wanted to be a teacher. Then a year later I wanted to be an archaeologist.

A year after that I was all set to go to oxford to study English literature and become prime minister after founding my own political party after being a solicitor. Oh how naive I was!!

I did a year, hated it, packed it all in and became a mum. Went to work in a part time job. Then later went on to become a senior marketing manager. Then became a mum again and packed it all in again and now stay at home very happily!

Life is ever changing. Smile and nod and let dc find their own way.

I was very very academic. I just didn't enjoy the life it brought. Everyone is different.

Now I think I sound like a bit of a knob. I shouldn't have described myself as VERY bright!
I'm no Stephen Hawking.

I also love the quote.

As an academic type myself, I think academic ability is a very over rated factor in job / career success. And in the end you just want your DC to be happy.

As you move on, you are gradually filtered into more and more selective groups. No matter how great you were at school, as an undergraduate, as a PhD student and so on, sooner or later you find a level where you are just one of the herd. Then is when you need to love what you do.

IMO, ability gives you choices, not a clear route to success.

I consider myself lucky to be in a position of choosing a job based on what I will enjoy and, in my case, it is likely to be an academic one. But it has taken me until I'm over 40 to come to that realisation (and leaving behind a vastly better paying career!)

Funnily enough DS is 12 and wants to go into graphic design and I had no idea whatsoever about what it entails. Found a good link in the independant about it here:
www.independent.co.uk/student/into-university/az-degrees/graphic-design-756194.html
OP I really do think you are being U but you know that. There is nothing wrong with wanting the best for your child, it's what we all want isn't it? Just let him/her get on with it. Fwiw, at 14 I wanted to either join the army or be a teacher. I did neither of these, I'm mostly a SAHM looking to do an OU course in English Lit at some point in the future.

Now I think I sound like a bit of a knob. I shouldn't have described myself as VERY bright!
I'm no Stephen Hawking

you don't sound like a knob at all nothing wrong in recognising you were academic well done for following your passion I wish I had I was at the other end of the scale parents didn't have very high expectations of me

we all worry about our children all the time and school and education is very important even if your child is the brainiest or not so much reaching out to a child especially as young teens as the the exam years are near is so important but realising they want to be something different to our expectations may be hard to accept but we need to support and guide them through all that

I can empathise with your concern Smokerings. 14 is young it's true but 'options' loom which means you start to close off other avenues. Well maybe not close off totally, but you do begin steering one way or another.

It is good that a person has some sense of where they're headed at this age. My own dd is the same regarding art and design but although she loves art she's said many times that she sees herself in something to do with Psychology.

We were talking about this the other day. She wants to do art because she likes it but needs to do science because that holds the key to where she wants to be. Difficult choice if the gcse's clash and you have to choose one or the other.

I think you've been given a bit of a hard time on here. Interested parents who worry about thier dcs choices aren't necessarily pushy ones trying to live out their own dreams through their dc. Sometimes they can see a wider picture and at least you are interested and care. I wonder if your 'disappointment' is really worry that the subject itself has a reputation for being so difficult to crack regarding jobs/careers.

I was always excellent at art at school, went down that route but struggled hugely when it came to work in that area. Mind you my parents weren't in the least supportive of further education and def not in art which I knew they saw only as a hobby and seemed relieved when I just went and got any job. I was too because I couldn't do it without at least some help from them and it was clear they weren't going to offer it. I felt that if I couldnt have the career I wanted then I'd take whatever independance a job I didn't love could give me instead Part of me has always been disappointed in that part of my life and their lack of support. I don't want that to happen to my dc.

Some people I know personally have gone onto these careers from studying art & design -

Animation
Film
Fashion
IT, & web design.
Architecture
Graphic Design.
3D packaging design
Advertising.
Illustration.
Book publishing.

I we're not stupid on here, but I recently spent a day in a well renowned private school with Y6 and some Y8 pupils. The passion & talent some children showed for art was incredible. One bit came to me afterwards and said he wanted to study animation and film making but he dad wouldn't allow him - he wanted him to study Law.

I think the careers service (whatever there is of it) really needs to start educating more children AND their parents about what careers can come from a subject that's often described in the press as a 'soft' subject.

Not aiming that at the OP, just musing (and slightly ranting) in general.

Sorry for typos. On my phone.

really needs to start educating more children AND their parents about what careers can come from a subject that's often described in the press as a 'soft' subject.

Agree with you people muttering and scoffing at 'soft subjects' really annoys me I know children who were not allowed to take music or art because they didnt think it would count for anything It is ok for a child to take a subject they enjoy and are maybe good at but they are brushed aside because they need to take a 3rd science or something., I must admit the high schools dds went to go to do encourage children to take a subject the like but sometimrd it is the parents that are ticking options forms

I wish my 19 year old had any idea of what direction he would like to go with a career, let alone my 14 year old be nice if I had any idea of what I would like to do but that's another thread. If your DC is going to be happy doing their graphic design then encourage them to follow their heart. I know too many people (DH, and 2 DBs) who hate their jobs and wish they had done something very different, despite having great salaries. Honestly, achieving their full academic potential is a long way down on my priorities, my main aim for their school years is that they leave with school with options for later in life. I had a bright friend who worked for a supermarket on checkouts for 20 years, no ambition at all to even become a team leader but when he got bored and wanted more money he had a degree under his belt so could move on. Others aren't so lucky and get stuck, having worked their way up but with no official qualifications to allow them to move out.

smokerings what were your aspirations for your child what did you hope they would do or be interested in ?

So he's academically brilliant AND creative enough to do graphic design?? Jeez, what more can you ask for?!! As others have said, he's 14!! He has many, many years to make his mind up (I've changed careers 3 times and will probably do so again). I think you need to chill out a little

Totally agree HarryHausen. And not just that people scoff at "soft subjects", but the reverse attitude, that people think doing a law degree is an immediate passport to success. It isn't, it just opens doors. You've got to want to walk through them, the work doesn't stop when you pass your last exams.

I've ended up thinking that the whole of school was a bit of a con TBH. Not that it's not good to do well, obviously, but it's an isolated, rule-bound system in which x amount of effort and cleverness will always yield y result. This is nothing like real life, which isn't always fair or predictable and certainly doesn't churn out rewards for people solely on account of their being clever.

which x amount of effort and cleverness will always yield y result

So true. The two most successful people I know were not very academic at all. One hasn't even got any GCSEs but has done incredibly well for himself.

Well, I suppose they yield more success than not trying at all. There are certain careers in which the playing field is more level - civil service, accountancy, medicine. But it is true that very often success in advertising, PR, journalism, television etc is not predicated by size of brain or effort expended. These places are paved with people who have been trampled underfoot by those who have better connections, are more attractive, are conniving creeps or just have good luck.

Just that graphic design is not considered a desirable career, really can't get my head around that to even comment further.