to be cracking up over this?

[DaughterAndSon]

I live in a semi detached house and my neighbour is so nosy and judgemental, it is making me feel uncomfortable in my own home.

Neighbour has a number of friends, and I share some mutual friends with the neighbour. I am not friends with the neighbour whatsoever!!
Neighbour is so nosy, it is making my life a misery. She is practically obsessed with knowing everything about me, to the point that I cannot think of anything else when I am in my house.
I used to be friendly with my neighbour, until slowly over time, she admitted more and more strange things, like pressing a glass against the wall to listen to what is going on in my house, telling me what tv programme she thought I was watching the evening before and reciting times my friends arrived and left my house and then quizzing me on what we spoke about.
My neighbour will laugh about this and thinks it is all harmless, but I feel like I am being bloody stalked.
I have not spoken to my neighbour for a number of months now, so you'd be forgiven for thinking that the problem was resolved, but I have had the police at my door for apparent DV even though I am single (because my neighbour heard a disturbance apparently), mutual friends have contacted me asking me if I am sleeping with X, and asking if I am ok and do I have a new boyfriend because a particular car was seen outside my house at 8.15pm and didn't leave until 11.35 pm.
I have one mutual friend who has shown me texts the neighbour is sending her asking about me and what I am up to.
I have begun seeing someone, but was keeping it to myself for the time being tbh, yet now my neighbour has broadcast that too.
Occasionally I have ended up trying to explain to my neighbour how annoying it is to be constantly observed and judged by her, only for her to tell me that she does observe and judge me, and she does tell people what I am doing, or what she assumes I am doing, and laughs at me for being bothered.

She can tell me what I wore last wednesday, what time I brought my washing in last saturday and what time I went to bed last night FFS and it is really beginning to get me down. The way she laughs at me for being bothered and says she will continue regardless anyway.

I actually despise my neighbour now for making me feel I have to hide in my own house. I feel uncomfortable going into my garden alone because I can almost feel her and her partner staring at me.

I'm beginning to think my house is bloody tapped from the way she finds out virtually everything and am considering cutting ties with all our mutual friends, even though I have known some of them for a number of years. FWIW mutual friends think I am exaggerating and can't believe we are talking about the same person. They think she is all sweetness and fluffiness.

AIBU to be going crazy? AIBU to cut off all of our mutual friends? This has been going on for a few years now and I don't think I can take much more, yet to my neighbour, it is all a sadistic form of entertainment and yet mutual friends say that although my neighbour is a judgemental person who looks down her nose at other people, she is not a horrible person, which means it must be me.
WWYD if this was your neighbour?

A housing association?? And that is their treatment of you!
Have you spoken to the Chairman?

The CAB and solicitor will help you with this. I am shocked

Go to CAB even with rent arrears because of the problems they might let you swap to another house that is the same HA.

Keep on and don't give up this is no way to live.

I haven't spoken to the chairman, no. I recorded the last conversation I had wrt this matter with my housing officer. It is clear from the way she is speaking that she doesn't believe me and she openly repeats 'There's nothing more we can do about it.'

I am reading all of the replies and they are very helpful. Would it make matters worse if a solicitor wrote a letter. I haven't had any abuse for a while now, but that doesn't stop the knowledge that my neighbour is bloody watching my every move, and gossiping about me still. It has left me paranoid, yet I know I am justifiably paranoid because even without speaking to her, I just know she is still doing it. If I saw her now and asked her which I wont because I dont want to ever speak to her again she would say that she is still listening out for me and judging me, and she'd probably remind me of what time I went to bed last night and when I last pegged my washing out and for how long.

I would go to the drs and tell them about this and how it's making you feel. They might write a letter of support to your HA to bump you up a bit and reccomend your moved. It will cost you around £10 but worth it.

I asked HA if I could swap to another house with them. They said no, because apparently the rent arrears are attached to the address, not the tenant.

I have an assured tenancy so don't really want to sacrifice that because of neighbours. I can't even swap atm because of the rent arrears. I honestly think the mediator was correct as are the posters on this thread when they say I shall have to pay off my rent arrears, then move. I can swap when I have done that.

Shame because it's a lovely house.

Any tips on how to cope in the meantime?

Can't help wondering why any human being would deliberately do this to another person, make them feel so shit.

She must know what she is doing to me and my family.

If you ask her she will defo say it then buy a really decent voice recorder and keep it about your person if your phone isn't strong enough.

InNeed is so right. You have to be like a dog with a bone. Phone every single time. Ask for recording info sheets from tbe HA. Talk to me/us. Get it out here. See a solicitor. Make a bullet point list of all you recall about your exoeriences with tbem and the HA too, CAB etc.

Diaries are your friebd if this goes to coury.

Pkease, ease belueve me that sendibg a dolicitors letter to.this hagis your right.

Their abuse will happen agsin and you will feel shit you did nothibg.

Regain your power.

The HA are disgusting. Make appt with HA Chairman.

GP visit is essential InNeed is right. Get anti depressants. You got HV, SW etc?

They are fobbing you off, certain situations they will not take into account rent arrears like DV. I really think go to your CAB with this thread printed out so you don't forget everything you want to say, and see what CAB say. A Dr letter saying where you are living is detrimental to your health should get you moved or her moved.

Keep a diary.

CAB have a housing soliciter who can deal with HA.

You have witnesses?

Have you researched the comaints procedure against the HA?

They are neglecting their duties.

This list of action to take is you coping. Make it your mision. Knowledge is power.

YY you must keep diarys they use them as evidence. You are not helpless I promise this can get sorted out. YY to researching HA procedures.

Take the HA list of prioritirs/duties towards their tennants to the solicitor.
Some people said I deserved a medal for.not beating the crapbout of her.next to.me. But that is not me and is the worst thing you.could do.

Yes don't engage with her at all, no verbal or physical even if you feel yourself snapping. It will all backfire against you.

Sole that sounds terrible what a bitch I can't believe you coped 7 years with it!

Just about lost my mind. So I had enough and started proceedings to move Two weeks later it was dead. On my Birthday

oh laugh if you can OP. makes it easier to bear. we laughed too when my friend told us. we could just picture her getting all excited and running round all the neighbours the next day with her gossip.

You will never know why she is doing this to you. Ever! zIf I had the money I would get you out of there.

Lol Tired!

Lovely present then. What a coincidence!

I know!

Felt sorry too as she was only 54 but hoping life at home is easier. I really feel it will be. Buying garden furniture next year. Honestly she would have very loud cobversations about nothing to make sure I knew she was there.

ONE day I decided to read a book in the garden. She must have spied on me, next thing I kbew

WHAT SHE DOING?

Ooh reading a book is she?

Thinks she is tbe only petson who can read a book

We have tons of booms

In fice minutes flat she was in bedroom window stacking books on her upper floor .

I went inside.

I longed to use my garden in tbe Summer.

Another exame

I pegged lots of lovely white towels and sheets on my washing line.

Big loud voice from her

Ooh! Look at her! She has only got.those sheets tbete to send me a mesage. Who does she think she is?

My boyfriend went out in our car (he worked shifts). Our DS was at school. She must have thought I was out too.

I was in tbe kitchen washing up. Suddenly a hand holding a pair of garden shears appeared and she cut tbe line.

I just stood tbete with my.mouth open.

I went out and said what do you tjink you are doing?oh I didn't know you were in.

Your line is wrapped around my fence post...nutter

(typing on phone, please excuse bad punctuation etc)

wtf that's utterly bonkers. Enjoy your garden and you garden furniture! Get one of those chairs that you can pull the arms up so it lays back
I wouldn't of had a clue if my neighbour came out and chopped my washing line up

Move when you can - i know it's tricky now. But work towards it and keep a low profile. Don't speak to her or disucss things with friends.

Are you able to contact the mediator? If so could you get him to write a letter detailing what happened? You could then take that to the police. Get a diary. Record everything. When. Where. How it made you feel. Go to the doctors. Get the stress you are under recorded.

But at the same time I'd do everything you can to get rid of the rent arrears and move.

We are having a similar problem with our neighbours.

I was always polite an friendly to them. When the girl split with her partner I helped her out because she fell apart. Ss got involved and I tried to help her then because they asked me to.
The noise transfer between the properties is horrendous so I have always been mindful of this and tried to keep noise to a minimum- something they have never done.
There have always been weird comments like "you were up late last night, I heard you walking around" and comments if the kids had ever been up in the night. All of which would make me feel uneasy.
Then they started taking advantage of my kindness, asking to borrow my house phone to make "important" calls.
The make excessive mess outside the flat. Constantly knocking on the door to borrow things, from nappies for the baby to a bath towel once!!! It got to the point where they were knocking 5 times a day and I would dread answering the door. There have been times where we have had to listen to blazing row, the police were called when her bf tried to kick her front door down. Her family have thrown rocks at the house, aimed at her. loud music, the baby running round untill gone midnight.....I could go on forever. But because I was on my own I just kept myself to myself as much as possible and tried to ignore the noise.
They make so much noise but I have always got on with things because we both have young children and I know it would be impossible to expect either side to have silence 24 hours a day.
Then one night everything changed. They got really aggressive with me over our telly being a little bit loud. He threatened me and accused me of being "funny" with them.
After this I reported them to the council and ended up going to my dr who prescribed me propranolol for my anxiety as it got to the point where I was having pannic attacks and felt like I couldnt leave the house.
To cut a long story short, things have escallated so far now (police searching their house for my property, them destroying my stuff, more atagonistic behaviour, them banging on the walls to disturb us) that we have been advised by the police and several different departments at our council to stay away from the property. I go back to collect my mail and check the answer phone but have to have someone with me as a witness as they have started making false alligations against us. We are now sleeping in the tiny spare bedroom at my mums. Me and 2 children in a double bed. Only a few of our belongings. Its awful but Im greatful to my mum for taking us in. My mental state of mind was literally in tatters when we left and I really honnestly think that I would have ended up having a break down or harming myself.

Sorry for hijacking, I just wanted you to know you arent alone. Dont stand for the way they are treating you. You deserve to feel safe and comfortable in your own home. you shouldnt have to put up with it. like you I put up with it for too long and look where it got me. We are waiting to be rehoused by the council and even though we are high priority I can not see us having our own home again for some time. I sometimes wonder if I perhaps I wasnt such a pushover then maybe things would be different but at the end of the day you and I are the way they are and people shouldnt be allowed to get away with this sort of behaviour.
Go to your gp. I dont think they will even charge you for a letter. When I spoke to my gp I went to get medication for the anxiety I was experiancing because I couldnt function propperly, I ended up breaking down in front of him and it was pretty evident what all the stress was doing to me. He suggested writing the letter and was only too happy to try and help in whatever way he possibly could.
I dont know if you have any dc but my childrens school has written a supporting letter too to say that this is effecting the kids etc.
Always try and have meeting with the HA in person, I find you get a better outcome. Also if you arent happy with the way they are dealing with this then go to your local mp. This is my next move.

I really hope you find some help, what you are going through sounds awful.

Gosh spingey ypur situation seems awful. At least you had sonewhere to escape to :)

How are you OP? Just forget about those two tosspots.