to be cracking up over this?

[DaughterAndSon]

I live in a semi detached house and my neighbour is so nosy and judgemental, it is making me feel uncomfortable in my own home.

Neighbour has a number of friends, and I share some mutual friends with the neighbour. I am not friends with the neighbour whatsoever!!
Neighbour is so nosy, it is making my life a misery. She is practically obsessed with knowing everything about me, to the point that I cannot think of anything else when I am in my house.
I used to be friendly with my neighbour, until slowly over time, she admitted more and more strange things, like pressing a glass against the wall to listen to what is going on in my house, telling me what tv programme she thought I was watching the evening before and reciting times my friends arrived and left my house and then quizzing me on what we spoke about.
My neighbour will laugh about this and thinks it is all harmless, but I feel like I am being bloody stalked.
I have not spoken to my neighbour for a number of months now, so you'd be forgiven for thinking that the problem was resolved, but I have had the police at my door for apparent DV even though I am single (because my neighbour heard a disturbance apparently), mutual friends have contacted me asking me if I am sleeping with X, and asking if I am ok and do I have a new boyfriend because a particular car was seen outside my house at 8.15pm and didn't leave until 11.35 pm.
I have one mutual friend who has shown me texts the neighbour is sending her asking about me and what I am up to.
I have begun seeing someone, but was keeping it to myself for the time being tbh, yet now my neighbour has broadcast that too.
Occasionally I have ended up trying to explain to my neighbour how annoying it is to be constantly observed and judged by her, only for her to tell me that she does observe and judge me, and she does tell people what I am doing, or what she assumes I am doing, and laughs at me for being bothered.

She can tell me what I wore last wednesday, what time I brought my washing in last saturday and what time I went to bed last night FFS and it is really beginning to get me down. The way she laughs at me for being bothered and says she will continue regardless anyway.

I actually despise my neighbour now for making me feel I have to hide in my own house. I feel uncomfortable going into my garden alone because I can almost feel her and her partner staring at me.

I'm beginning to think my house is bloody tapped from the way she finds out virtually everything and am considering cutting ties with all our mutual friends, even though I have known some of them for a number of years. FWIW mutual friends think I am exaggerating and can't believe we are talking about the same person. They think she is all sweetness and fluffiness.

AIBU to be going crazy? AIBU to cut off all of our mutual friends? This has been going on for a few years now and I don't think I can take much more, yet to my neighbour, it is all a sadistic form of entertainment and yet mutual friends say that although my neighbour is a judgemental person who looks down her nose at other people, she is not a horrible person, which means it must be me.
WWYD if this was your neighbour?

Sorry wheelie, good thinking :)

Daughter what about keeping your diary so that when you move you can give it to them then? Atleast it will be there for the next person in your house, as I am sure that she will do it again, people like that always do.

That way, you havent risked your neck, but you have still done the right thing. I have horrible neighbours so I can sympathise, but they are not violent or unbalanced and I can imagine that I wouldnt want to make things worse if they were :(

She rents too. We have had mediation, by an ex police officer, who understood but felt he couldn't do much because of a lack of evidence, and a LL who doesn't really want to resolve the problem if it means evicting her.

The mediation happened because neighbours partner is agressive and abusive towards me and my DC (over the fence and has come to the door) because of things I do or do not do that upset my neighbour, ie: not bringing my wheelie bin back in before my neighbour returns home from work, not mowing lawn as often as they would like, leaving a polite note on her partners car to ask him not to park it across my drive please, and I dread leaving the house at the same time as neighbour or her partner now, but again, I've not caught them in the act being abusive, and they deny it when they are asked, so according to LL, it is her word against mine.

Have you looked into CCTV or setting up a normal video camera in your window so that it can record any incidents?

Can you film on your mobile? If he's abusive over the fence again then film it. Try and gather as much evidence as you can. They BOTH sound unhinged!

Sorry bogey cross-posts again!

Probably stupidly, I always make sure I bring my bin in immediately after the bin men have been now and mow my lawn religiously now. I do everything I can to make sure nothing further aggravates my neighbour, and so have obviously given the message that their behaviour works.

I despise them and at the same time despise myself for letting them walk all over me to the point where I don't want to come home and when I am home I don't want to make a noise or leave the bloody house!!!

Great minds Wheelie :o

I lived this way for seven years u.til tnat woman dropped dead. She lived next door to me and for no reason known to me elected me as her enemy. She constantly, observed me, judged me, dropped hints she knew what my.last telephone conversation was about, damaged my.property, toldme otber.neighbours hated me, made several anon phone xalls to different agencies with false allegations (proved it.once),then made nadty remarks about my petsonal appearence whilst I was in the garden and called my disabled child names.

My only defence was to withdraw from the community altogether. Shop a distabce awsy etc.

Your neighbour will not change, she is very troubled mentally, she wishes to damage your reputation and is very jealous.

You are not to.blame. I felt like a prosoner in my.own home too. Not climbing tbe stairs, shutting doors f I had guests incase she was .listening. I think other neighbours thought I was to blane too.

As a result I started to sufer with anxiety because her atention was just baffling. I did nothing to atract it.

I could not use my garden at all as she would shout night and day.

I am glad she is gone.

Move out. You cannot change her and your emotional and mental health is worth more. Cut off from your friends too.

See a therapist for support.

You are not to blame and I believe you x

Yes, I can film on my mobile, and will do so if he is abusive again, even if it means I only record the voices. (Not sure how having a phone camera pointed in his face will go down lol).
I just wish in the meantime it didn't bother me, I wish I didn't automatically panic every time I think my neighbour may have heard me!!

SoleSource I am so very sorry to hear what you have been through. This is exactly what it is like for me!!
I can't work out why I am the only one who the neighbour treats this way. I do wonder why.
She seems to get on with everyone else we know.
I have got anxiety over it. If I need to bring my washing in from the line, and she is in the garden at the same time, I try to do it as quietly as possible hoping she wont notice I am there, yet she must notice, she notices everything else.
I creep around then hate myself for doing so.

It is a low level bullying. The bin, lawn etc I can totaly identify with. You cannot pkease her there will always be something. You are polite and a decent neighbour. They have notjing beter to do and have serious issues. Nobody knows better than me how deeply this can affect.

You can just say to yourself balls! From now on I live my life and they do not ecist as I did to her. That will make them madder.

No matter what never ever speak to them again

I really feel for you. I know what you are feeling. Even though she died 8 months ago I still feel her presence. Though less now.

Regain your power. Never ever speak to her again no matter what and do not discuss her. You will be in control. If you are asked as to why you could say you do not speak to her vecaise she is a deeply unpkeasent nosy two faced lying bully.

Leave it thete and fefuse to discuss her any firther.

Keep a diary. Record your emotions, her words,/actions.

Get a cameta for the front of your property.

it must be an awful situation to be in. i can only reiterate what others have said and move as soon as you can. they def sound as if they have some mental health issues and also seem to get some weird satisfaction from controlling your life.

i know Christmas is coming but i would cut back as much as you can and pay off the debt quicker. if your lo is small she wont remember this xmas anyway. i ad also ask family members for money instead of presents.

your health happiness and peace of mind is worth so much more than a few x mas presents.

also the keeping of a diary is a good idea. i am also quite devious so would consider some sort of trap (deliberately saying something that she can over hear that is not true so you can catch her out repeating it)

also i would dump the friend who is not supporting you i am a firm believer you are on my side or your not.

People reading whom have not exoerienced this and are thinking it must be us who triggered their behaviour or it is in our minds or we must be insecure in tbe first pkace. No, not true in my case. These people xause trouble whereever they are. They love the drama.

Just torally ignire her and be smug in the fact that she will be upset that you no lpnfer feel obligated to verbally acknowledge her.

My neighbour figured I was vulnerable in some way as I am a lobe parent with a disabled child. Her inner bully shone through.

What an awful couple your neighbours are.

I think sole source is right - you need to ignore it. I had a curtain twitcher next door (not in the same league as yours!) and I used to worry about how she judged my actions. But then sod it, what she thinks is her problem.

So you took your washing down just after lunch, big deal! What a waste of her brain space! Maybe you should take to loudly announcing what you are about to do 'I'm just getting the toe nail clippers out, there's the little toe on my right foot done...' etc

Also, do your mutual friends add anything to your life? If not, you should cut them out. Then they have nothing to tell her about you, and all she is telling them is more clearly idle gossip.

You sound like you have been through a lot and this has been going on a long time. Perhaps continue ignoring her - your reaction must be part of the thrill to her.

I really hope you get a break from them

See a solicitor and have her issued with a warning letter in the first instance

You are totally right SoleSource. There is always something else, if it's not the bin, it's the lawn or the hedge, or the noise my front door makes when it closes, or it's because I've left my washing out (we don't share a garden but she doesn't want to look out at my washing from her window) or my garden is too messy and on it goes.
The mediator thought it was an isolated incident, but when I told him what neighbour had said, and how many things she had told me she was annoyed about, he said it was a 'village mentality' and advised me to move if I wanted a permanent solution.
Neighbour picked out one or two things to mediator, and denied anything else being a problem.
We were both told not to knock one each others door again or send anyone in our place or speak to each other again. It was to all go through the mediator.
I was happy to comply with this. Neighbour sent her partner round and he shouted abuse through the letter box then stormed off. I had no time to get my phone to record. It was over in 45 seconds.
The mediator no longer deals with my case because he reported back to the landlord that my neighbour had broken the agreement we had made by allowing her partner to scream abuse (which her partner admitted doing) through my letterbox and because of this, the mediator wanted to issue my neighbour with a warning which if their behaviour didn't improve or this happened again, they could face eviction, but the LL said No, they were not prepared to evict my neighbour over this, and they removed the mediator from the case and told me without evidence, there is nothing they can do and that the mediator had been removed from the case because no progress has been made and I don't have evidence, it is all my word against theirs, which I suppose it is.

Yes, I can film on my mobile, and will do so if he is abusive again, even if it means I only record the voices. (Not sure how having a phone camera pointed in his face will go down lol).

Pretend you are texting as you leave the house. Get your phone on video camera, pretend to be texting and hit the record button if you see them, just hold your phone at your side or however you would if you are distracted whilst texting and they wont assume you are recording.

Is it a private LL?

I have no idea what to say apart from move and how awful it must be to live this way.

fucking hell. she is loopy! i would ring the police too and get some advice. she sounds like my old neighbour who told all the other neighbours i was having an affair because she saw a different man coming out of my house in my partner's dressing gown to leave the bin out late one night. it was my partner wearing a hat because it was bloody december!

I shall do that Bogeyface. I admit I try to avoid leaving the house when they do though, and stay inside if they are in their garden, so it might be a while, but I shall do that.

It is a housing association SoleSource.

Solicitors letter as suggedted upthread is your next move.

Do not speak to me or about mekinda thing. Keep away.

See a solicitor whom deals with nutty neighbours

It is not.your fault. X

I had a neighbour a bit like this.

She'd stay in her house with her lights off and peep at us, come outside and sit staring at us over the fence whenever we went outside and hurl abuse at us when our dog got through the fence into her garden, even though he only got through because it was 'her' fence and she refused to fix the gaping holes in it or to allow us to touch it to fix it.

Eventually I had enough and went outside with my camera phone and stood there in dead silence filming her shouting at us. She tried to goad me into speaking and shouted for about 10 minutes then sort of petered out, went inside and never did it again.

When she tried to talk to us again ages later I just said that we had been 'advised not to speak to her without an independent witness present.' Combined, it seemed to put the wind up her and she left us alone.

I would most certainly ditch the friends straight away.

Oh, I am sorry TiredBooyhoo but that made me laugh a little.

Sometimes, I don't know whether to laugh or cry.