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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Surely DH is BU not me?

63 replies

Jelly15 · 15/11/2012 20:02

In over twenty years of marriage I can count the times I have been for a night out without DH on one hand. DH has never stopped me I just don't have that many friends who socialise without their DH's

DH and the other hand playes pool twice a week and drinks aroung 5 or 6 pints a those nights. He has been away a few times on weekends with his mates. I suppose I envy him his social life a bit.

I have been invited to a hen night soon and I may need a lift the mile or so home from the bus stop, no taxis in my semi rural area. DH is cross that I have asked him to pick me up if the bus won't make a detour as he was hoping to go out to a football match and have a few drinks himself.

A big row followed and I said he was BU but he totally believes I am.

I would appriciate your honest replies and I plan on showing then to him, if it his him who is BU.

OP posts:

HollyMadison · 16/11/2012 07:38

Stay with one of the friends you're going out with or stay in a hotel and have breakfast in bed. Make a weekend of it. In fact, check into the hotel on the afternoon you're going out and have a bath and glass of champagne and get ready. Hey, I'm looking forward to it already! :)

catsmother · 16/11/2012 07:56

Selfish selfish selfish spoilt baby!!

OP - I know exactly what you mean about feeling anxious all night because you have a potentially unpleasant and/or scary journey home. In the past, I've actually turned down invites when I've had no alternative way home other than a journey which would scare me. Furthermore, if you do resign yourself to that walk, I for one would want all my wits about me and therefore wouldn't drink ... which again, depending on your outlook, could spoil the evening even more.

This is ONE bloody night out where you're asking for a little consideration and concern. He doesn't even have to cancel his night out - he can still go but simply not drink. That's all - big f*ing deal. Him forgoing a few beers vs his wife's personal safety - should be a no brainer.

Does he really not care, or do you think this might be a roundabout way of protesting that you're going out at all ? Is he hoping you'll cancel ?

zookeeper · 16/11/2012 08:05

I think this is more about your dissatisfaction with your DH - surely some of your friends could give you a lift as it's only a mile?

ChaoticismyLife · 16/11/2012 08:14

zookeeper it's a mile from the bus stop not the location of the night out. Her friends may not get that bus or will have been drinking so not driving.

SideshoBob · 16/11/2012 08:26

I get the feeling this is one of those stories that if the other person told their side, it'd be a completely different reaction. I guess that the fundamental problem with AIBU is that you're only ever going to get one person's side which will no doubt portray them as the wronged party and turn it up to 11 on the unreasonableness scale.

I find it hard to believe in this example that you can't catch a taxi. I just don't. If you put a ball park area on where you live i'm sure someone on here will even be able to give you a taxi agency. If your husband was to moan about the cost of that then fair enough, he's an idiot, but there appears to be a very simple solution here.

I like for example how the OP doesn't tell us what the husband said, just that it implied she was fat. I'm willing to bet it was a whole lot more of an innocent comment than she makes out.

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 16/11/2012 08:28

DP just reading over my shoulder says your DH is being a complete twat and he is the one being ur, he should pick you up from the bus stop, and if he does want to drink then he should walk to the bus stop and walk you home.

So if you are showing this to your (d)h......

DH my DP says your a twat and should pick your DW up so that she can have a good night out without worrying about walking home, a few beers v wifes safety really isn't any contest!

valiumredhead · 16/11/2012 08:50

Lots of places don't have taxis!!!

He is BU OP and a selfish twat.

IneedAsockamnesty · 16/11/2012 09:00

Men are a bit like parachutes in my experience, if they don't help when you need them the likely hood of you ever either needing or wanting them again is slim.

Your dh is bur

Valdeeves · 16/11/2012 09:34

If my husband said that to me I think that would be the end of our marriage. He's tsking you for granted.

mayorquimby · 16/11/2012 10:26

yabu (apart from the insinuations about appearance)
You're an adult, you sould be capable of finding your own way home or just kip on someones couch

HebeJeeby · 16/11/2012 21:16

I think you're husband has been very selfish and insulting and I can't believe that he would even countenance you walking home late at night on your own, even if it was just around the corner. I know my DH would insist on picking me up to make sure I was safe. Agree with another poster - book into hotel or stay with friends, or is it possible to book a minicab in advance? Even if I'd booked a taxi, I'd still be hacked off that DH didn't care enough/couldn't be bothered to want to pick you up.

Whoknowswhocares · 16/11/2012 21:52

I wonder if it isn't his way of ensuring that you don't go? What with nasty digs about your age and weight it seems he rather enjoys putting you down and attempting to drag your self-esteem into the gutter

Does he do stuff like this often? Does he like you going out or try to talk you out of it? I hope I'm off base, but this seems very passive aggressive to me

lovebunny · 16/11/2012 22:25

have your night out. then gather your evidence, anything of value and leave the bastard.

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