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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Surely DH is BU not me?

63 replies

Jelly15 · 15/11/2012 20:02

In over twenty years of marriage I can count the times I have been for a night out without DH on one hand. DH has never stopped me I just don't have that many friends who socialise without their DH's

DH and the other hand playes pool twice a week and drinks aroung 5 or 6 pints a those nights. He has been away a few times on weekends with his mates. I suppose I envy him his social life a bit.

I have been invited to a hen night soon and I may need a lift the mile or so home from the bus stop, no taxis in my semi rural area. DH is cross that I have asked him to pick me up if the bus won't make a detour as he was hoping to go out to a football match and have a few drinks himself.

A big row followed and I said he was BU but he totally believes I am.

I would appriciate your honest replies and I plan on showing then to him, if it his him who is BU.

OP posts:
aderynlas · 15/11/2012 20:45

Can he walk to watch his football match have a drink, then meet your bus. If he does read this thread jelly then he will know he is being very unreasonable and rude with it.

Iggly · 15/11/2012 20:51

What a tool.

Leave the bastard

Grin
CinnabarRed · 15/11/2012 20:51

I don't think he should walk either. Statistically, you're far more likely to be in an accident walking drunk than driving drunk. Of course I'm not suggesting he should drink and drive - he should pick you up sober.

blackeyedsusan · 15/11/2012 20:52

DH is unreasonable

tinkertitonk · 15/11/2012 21:14

We're told that DH implied the bit about over 40 and overweight.

What did he actually say that led the OP to draw that inference?

Anyway, walk.

Bogeyface · 15/11/2012 21:17

Take him at his word and book a hotel room on his money. See how he likes them apples

What a prick!

Bogeyface · 15/11/2012 21:18

Tinker

"Anyway, walk"

I have severe anxiety and there is no way on this earth I could walk 100 yards in the dark, never mind a mile down unlit country roads. I would be literally paralysed with fear.

Bogeyface · 15/11/2012 21:18

ignore my shit spelling, I am knackered!

Whocansay · 15/11/2012 21:20

He is unreasonable. And ungrateful. And has no regard for your personal safety.

Stay overnight. Nice hotel, with breakfast and preferably a spa attached. Treat yourself and don't hurry home.

Have a lovely time Wink

ThisIsMummyPig · 15/11/2012 21:27

I think he should meet you off the bus - how does he get home? If he is not prepared to do that then I'm sure you will find lots of things you are not prepared to do for him....

Bogeyface · 15/11/2012 21:28

Thats a good Q mummypig, does he walk or get a lift?

ooer · 15/11/2012 21:30

Yes book a hotel room. And take the car for getting home next day.

HeidiHole · 15/11/2012 21:32

Come on..... OPs husband if you are reading this YABU. Give her a bloody lift, it's your wife, she does a lot for you (probably!), she doesn't go out a lot and she deserves one night of letting her hair down. You can go out another time its not a big deal.

CaliforniaLeaving · 15/11/2012 22:00

Complete and utter selfish bastard. After all his years of nights out and you want to go on one Hen night. YA so VVNBU.

squeakytoy · 15/11/2012 22:03

Dont go home. Stay at a friends for the night. :)

Original poster
Jelly15 · 15/11/2012 22:12

It is a rather creepy 20 min walk and it will put a dampner on the evening knowing I have that ahead of me. Even if he gives in I feel hurt that he is doing so under pressure rather than out of concern for me.

OP posts:
PomBearWithAnOFRS · 15/11/2012 22:18

OI! DH of Jelly15 - I expect the bus driver who left that girl in Nottingham when she was 20p short on her fare thought that "nothing ever happens round here" too Angry and the families of everyone who ever just vanished without trace too. How the actual fuck will you live with yourself if your wife so much as breaks a nail on the walk home, alone, in the dark, in whatever the weather happens to be, because you the man who is supposed to love and cherish her more than any other couldn't be bothered to get off your lazy arse and pick her up for once?
Do you really not care about her safety, wellbeing, and comfort? after twenty YEARS of marriage? you don't care? Hmm

cutegorilla · 15/11/2012 22:26

I remember my house mate telling me that it was impossible I'd be attacked walking home on my own when he wanted to stay over with his GF rather than them both walk back with me. I wasn't attacked as it happens, but our other house mate was doing the exact same walk :(.

Of course YANBU. And age and beauty has nothing to do with being attacked, and certainly nothing to do with being run over!!! Which tbh is more likely.

Timeforabiscuit · 15/11/2012 22:30

Jelly DH - If your wife was happy to walk, she'd walk - but she isn't, regardless of what your views are she isn't comfortable with it.

She asked for your help - and you've let her down badly.

Jelly If your not happy walking get a nice hotel as above, your gut or fight or flight instinct has been honed over thousands of years please trust it,

You rarely walk the roads late at night
You are rarely out without your partner
You are even more rarely out with alcohol without your partner

You are being entirely reasonable and sensible about planning how to get yourself home.

Jelly DH - could you live with yourself if something happened, doing things like this for each other is what marriage is all about,

youkeepmehangingon · 15/11/2012 22:35

For a mile I'd probably walk it, I'm quite an independent person and don't think it's fair to put other people out and ask for lifts. But then I'd never live somewhere so rural that taxis won't even drive there! Surely you must have known when you moved there that you'd not be having many nights out when transport options are so poor?

Can't one of the other girls on the hen night give you a lift home?

squoosh · 15/11/2012 22:40

don't think it's fair to put other people out and ask for lifts.

????

He's her HUSBAND.
This is her first night out in an aeon.
She doesn't want to walk home in the dark and she shouldn't have to.

Bloody hell.

SparkleSoiree · 15/11/2012 22:44

Squoosh I started to post something similar to your thoughts but got so exasperated that it had to be explained that I gave up!

PaintedInRed · 15/11/2012 23:03

put other people out and ask for lifts

It's not OTHER PEOPLE ffs it's her husband??!! OP, book yourself a nice hotel room if he's going to be that selfish about it.

Tactifer · 15/11/2012 23:11

Should be your DH's chance to show what a gentleman he is and how much he appreciates you and wants to keep you safe. Lots of kudos for little effort. Looks like he blew it.

sashh · 16/11/2012 06:47

He should be picking you from town (or wherever the do is) nor meeting you from the bus stop.

I was going to suggest a hotel as well though - a nice one where you can go early and enjoy the pool, have a sauna and get ready for your night out.