"school snobbery"

[dinkybinky]

I think it?s hysterical that some people think that if you child doesn?t attend a Grammar school or selective independent then they?re not academic. The level of ?school snobbery? that goes on is quite bewildering sometimes.

"Lots derisive comments about why people choose private above state"

And this is the bit of your post I was commenting on. Far more going the other way.

Mintyy
'Well ... presumably the people who choose private school or tutor for grammar school do so because they think the state schools are not good enough for their children. I can't see any other reason for it? So that implies a certain degree of "snobbery".'

Sometimes the local school isn't good enough, we chose to move house when we were in this situation. Still in state education but better schools. I can understand and sympathise with those that choose private though. Most people do the best they can for their kids. Don't you?

But if you send a child to state school, you're not, just by doing so, making a comment about private schools - except in very rare cases when you could easily afford to and morally choose not to.

If you send a child to private school, you can't really help but be making a comment about state schools, at some level which is sometimes explicit on here, and sometimes vehemently denied - but I don't see how it can possibly not be so.

I think it's only normal to have more state school bashing as 93% of the school population are state educated. It's bashing by people who have never set foot in a state school I object to.

I practically made myself mentally ill over this issue when my dd was coming up to the end of primary.

The anger and jealousy I felt witnessing church going friends get their unmusical and not very bright dd into the fabulous catholic girls school with first rate academic and musical provision, when my very musical and brighter dd only had the option of the very rough local comp..... well, it wasn't a nice feeling. Talking to others who'd got their dd's into a fantastic state grammar school after having invested tens of thousands of pounds in fees for a private primary and 11+ tutoring, I just wanted to run around screaming "IT'S NOT FAIR IT'S NOT FAIR IT'S NOT FAIR". Actually, made me feel really bitter and sad for a while.

Luckily my dd was then carried away on a huge hormonal tidal wave and is now so fecking lazy, rude and rebellious I'll be grateful if she gets through adolescence without a criminal record or an unplanned pregnancy, never mind a good clutch of GCSE's.

I find having INCREDIBLY low expectations of my children does a lot to relieve my angst over a school system I can't seem to negotiate to my children's advantage.

'Snobby' might not be the most helpful of terms, no.

I don't condemn anyone, I just don't respect that particular decision much.

I've not experienced it in RL only on the school forums here!

Oh it goes on in RL OP I can assure you - so many people look down their noses at me because we took the decision to send our children to the local school and not a grammar (it was a family decision made for our own reasons)

OP YANBU

"Most people do the best they can for their kids"

This is very true.

Even if state provision is good, people want to give their children a chance to scramble up to the top of the pile.

People are happy to embrace inequality - as long as their children are the winners and not the losers.

I've certainly come across lots of school snobbery both in RL and on here.
We don't live in a grammar school area although two nearby LEAs do have grammar schools and so some children from our town apply.
DD2 arrived home one day in tears asking why she wasn't sitting the grammar school exam because X's mum said if you go to grammar school you have a much better life! Sadly for X she didn't pass the test. I wonder what she thinks of her mum's thoughts on her education now.

I'm sure there is some snobbery but there's much more defensiveness. Choosing a school (if you're lucky enough to have a choice) is a huge decision and parents can't bear to think they might get/have got it wrong for their DCs. The way they manifest their anxiety/justify their choices is by slagging off the schools they did not choose. Ridiculous - but human nature.
Parents choosing between Eton, Harrow and Westminster will often slag off the two they don't choose. I don't think that's really snobbery (well, Harrow is a bit nouveau.....)

Chopchopbusybusy, your post reminds me of the time when my daughter and her friend were discussing secondary schools. DD said she wanted to go to the grammar and her privately educated friend told DD she would have no chance because she went to state primary and her mum had told her only stupid kids went there. I do wish people would think before they pass on their ill informed opinions to their children. DD did pass but my friendship with the other child's mother wasn't quite the same again.

when I lived in Kent people foamed at the mouth to get their children into grammar school and to a certain degree I can understand why as I feel the existence of them within counties creates an uneven divide and I think it is a socio economical issue, they were there so poorer children who were very clever could have access to a grammar education if they needed it, but the truth is a very very small percentage of these children would pass the 11+ and go. From my experience anyway.

I have lived in a few other counties without a grammar system, or with a smaller grammar system, and these problems are not so rife and the state schools are all pretty even and good, very good infact here.

I think private schooling is a bit of a red herring. Only 5% of children will go to private, that doesn't mean 95% of us are not academic

But yes, it's discussed on-line more because there is a certain vulgarity about discussing why you think a majority option is a poor one out in the real world

Mintyy
'Well ... presumably the people who choose private school or tutor for grammar school do so because they think the state schools are not good enough for their children. I can't see any other reason for it? So that implies a certain degree of "snobbery".'

I am not a snob.
I send my children to private school. The eldest had attended the local state. It was not good enough. In fact it was appalling in every aspect. So no it was not good enough for my children.

Very naive to think that it implies snobbery not to send your children to the local state school. Actually it just means you are an advocate of inverted snobbery!

Why does it mean you are an advocate of inverted snobbery?

Because if you state that sending your child to private school implies a degree of snobbery aren't you just immediately drawing conclusions about a group of people being snobs based on their decision.

To me that sounds like inverted snobbery.

You can call that prejudice but not "inverted snobbery" WileyRoadRunner.

So no it was not good enough for my children

This is a good example of a certain vulgarity that happens online but wouldn't happen in real life. Something you wouldn't necessarily say at the your local state school gates unless you are not very self aware

Well okay nitpicking over definitions aside it is silly to deem a whole group of people to be snobs based on their decision to send their child to private school.

But if you send your child to state school, it's not the case that you've proactively rejected an equally available option, is it? Some people who send their children to state school may have done that, but not most of them. And some people who send their children to state school may not be against private schooling - they may even wish they could use it!

But usually it's not an equally weighted decision not to use private schools, is it?

I'm not snobbish about private schools - I don't look down on them all for being one particular thing. I just don't like them ideologically. That's like saying all Labour voters are inverted snobs against Tories - or vice versa.