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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wish dh earned more money?

61 replies

GoldPlatedNineDoors · 12/11/2012 21:02

Dh does a job he adores, but pays a pittance and involves a longish commute on public transport (he doesnt drive). The site he is at is moving to somewhere out of reach of public transport (without trebling his commuting time and paying taxis).

Work are offering a years paid transport from his current site and back again daily, but he would still need to be at this site an hour before usual each morning. All this for the same practically minimum wage. He is still unsure whether he is going to accept.

I work in a job I feel pretty 'meh' about, involves seven day week shift work but pays reasonable. While we dont have massive outgoings, we dont have any money left at the end of the month. LUckily we get a huge discount on our childcare as it is a family member who is a registered CM.

AIBU to wish that dh would do a job whoch he doesnt necessarily love in order that we can have some savings / a nest egg. We dont have an annual abroad holiday but have one family UK holiday which costs £200 total.

OP posts:

Lesbeadiva · 13/11/2012 08:28

My dp is the main wage earner in our house. She earns pretty average and she loves her job. I have started work quite recently, and its something I have always wanted to do and I love it. We keep our heads above water, just. But we are happy, and it might sound hippy and idealistic but I would rather that than more money. We lead an ok life, like you we have cheap uk holidays. More money would be good sometimes, but you are always welcome to earn more no?

boxoftricks · 13/11/2012 08:29

What if money was no object? 2 min long video. Thought provoking

boxoftricks · 13/11/2012 08:30

Sorry

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 13/11/2012 08:45

Ophelia it sounds like OP is already the higher earner.

Op you say your DH is in two minds. If he declines the move, will he be made redundant? What does his contract say about changing his place of work.

How will him leaving an hour earlier (and getting back an hour later) impact your ability to work shifts and/or your childcare cover?

goingupinsmoke · 13/11/2012 08:55

Happy husband over money anyday! My DH did a better paid job, he hated it the boss was an idiot and we as a family had 3 years of a grumpy DH - he got a new job that involves lots of time away form home but doing something he loves and earns slightly less and we now have a happy loving DH.

goingupinsmoke · 13/11/2012 08:58

Thanks for the link that's fab love the "All retch and no vomit"

goingupinsmoke · 13/11/2012 08:59

all wretch and no vomit? what happened to my words!

ethelb · 13/11/2012 09:04

YANBU. My DP had a job like this up until 6 months ago (and has just lost the job he left it for) and the real ball ache was picking up the slack. I worked full time but ended up doing about 80% of all the housework, cooking etc and hardly ever saw him due to the hours he worked.

He was also miserable. A commuting nightmare will make a reasonable job a completel ball ache, and with no extra money is it really worth it?

Dozer · 13/11/2012 09:08

What are his realistic options for higher-paid work , locally and further afield?

InVeryveryBadTaste · 13/11/2012 09:09

What wouldn't give to swap situations. My dh has a job he absolutely detests, it drains him physically and emotionally too and he dreads every day. This affects all of us a great deal and its sometimes just so bloody miserable. I would give anything for him to have a job he at least likes a bit! He says we can't afford for him to change and I hate it but I have to agree with him. I just want him to be happy at work (would settle for happy ish tbh )

dreamingofsun · 13/11/2012 09:36

many people - myself included - do jobs they don't love so they can earn a decent wage and support their families. I think thats one of the reasons people are not always that sympathetic with high tax/giving loads of pay away.

As long as the job is bearable most of the time, i always thought that was enough.

mollymole · 13/11/2012 09:40

Happy job anyday !! - Can he get a small scooter and ride it to work ?

LessMissAbs · 13/11/2012 12:50

I'm astonished at the existence of these poorly paid jobs that people love doing! What can they be? I've had poorly paid jobs but hated them, generally I've preferred the more well paid jobs I had after training, but even then I wouldn't do them for nothing, which is almost the impression I'm getting on here!

And no way Jose would I put up with a man with that attitude. I think when you are young and have equal levels of ambition and desire for standard of living, you should pull your fair share.

dreamingofsun · 13/11/2012 13:10

can he not learn to drive? If my husband couldn't drive and refused to learn i would find this a real turn off. Being reliant on me all the time and limiting his work opportunities just isn't on - unless there are medical reasons of course.

MotherfuckingMorrisMan · 13/11/2012 13:20

Would he be able to use this year to learn to drive (if the commute is only long because of the vagaries of public transport, but actually is geographically relatively quick and easy to get to by car).

But then I suppose that wouldn't help if you then have to buy an car and run it.

I think it is a luxury to stay in a poorly paid job vbecause you love it. I also wouldn't want a partner who earned significantly less than I did. I have given up jobs I loved for new jobs with better pay/prospects. I think it is rather selfish to stay in a job like that when it means your partner has to take up the slack.

ethelb · 13/11/2012 16:28

I'm guessing its the cost. Learning to drive could cost £1000s. Do you have a car?

Phineyj · 13/11/2012 17:56

I'm thinking arts or charity sector for 'poorly paid job but love it'. Even the senior people in most arts organisations aren't paid a lot more than £30k, with a few exceptions. That's why most of their staff are in their 20s with no family responsibilities...

dreamingofsun · 13/11/2012 19:36

i reckon the family has a car or they wouldn't be able to go on camping holidays.

NamingOfParts · 13/11/2012 20:25

I agree with MotherfuckingMorrisMan (love the name by the way!). Doing something you love for almost nothing (especially once the cost of commuting to the new location kicks in) sounds more like a hobby than a job.

Nice if you can afford it but selfish if the other partner has to make up the difference to ensure a reasonable standard of living for the family.

I think that the impact of the extra commute needs to be considered. Initially this part of the journey will be free but only for a year. What plans does your DH have to deal with this when the free transport stop?

Your DH also needs to think about how he will cope with the extra commuting time. There is a huge difference between a 1 hour commute and a 2 hour commute. I did it and it was soul destroying for me. I became totally separated from family life - out before the children were really up and often not back until after they had gone to bed. It was miserable.

SundaeGirl · 13/11/2012 20:28

YANBU. Same money and less time at home would not be attractive on such low pay.

Original poster

GoldPlatedNineDoors · 13/11/2012 20:32

Sorry it's took so long to reply, have been at work. The £200 holiday is a self catering house which 18 of us go to. £150 on accomodation and petrol, £50 food and drink. We spend the time there doing free things and walking lots, plus games in the house in the evening.

He could, and wants to, learn to drive but the best price i've seen is £15 a lesson, and two a week for at least six months will be costly (he literally knows nothing about how to drive). His travel to work and back costs £60 a month, and I put £60 a month in petrol in my car, but the cost or buying and running another car (no doubt a banger which needs frequent repairs) would be more again.

Whilst he does pay for his travel at the moment, and work are going to pay travel for a year, that's from his current site, so he would still incur costs to and from work every day.

He is a teaching assistant at a school for students on the Autistic Specrum. He could train for the next level up, however training is only offered for places that become avaliable within the school. No doubt he will jump on any offer of a promotion should anyone above him leaves.

I have a car. It is S reg, so what....12 years old at least. I have also met with management to request training and development to move into another department at work which will offer more family friendly hours and keep me on the same wage, but also opens up potential to re-train and gain qualifications I can use in other organisations. Hopefully by next year I will be able to make the move. Ophelia this is me pulling my finger out. I am planning to work full time and study for a qualification which will hopefully massively boost my earning potential from the middle of next year.

OP posts:

discrete · 13/11/2012 20:33

YABU. Dh used to do a high paying job he hated.

Then he quit and now does something he loves but does not pay at all (for now).

Our lives have become immeasurably better, although we have gone from having more money than we knew what to do with each month to being in debt and running a loss every month.

It's still worth it. You only live once, and if you are miserable then what's the point of it all?

I agree that it would be great if he could learn to drive, though. Might make everyone's life much better.

discrete · 13/11/2012 20:36

Sorry, x-post with you.

On top of it all, your dh is doing something of great social worth which makes other people's lives better.

YWBVU to not be supportive of this, IMHO.

Any chance you could move closer to his job, if it has any job security?

NatashaBee · 13/11/2012 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 13/11/2012 20:43

I think happiness in a job is the most important thing. TA pay is crap, though. It shouldn't be but it is

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