To think a teacher shouldnt say this?

[DrWhoBrain]

Ds 6 has a new teacher and last week they went swimming in class. Ds was upset after school and said he didnt want to go back again because the teacher told him that if he didnt sit nicely (he WAS messing about) he would throw him in the deep end of the pool. Now ive asked ds over and over to ensure hes telling me the truth, ds tends to take things very literally and is scared of water so the teacher may of been joking but ds didnt think so as he wasnt smiling or laughing. AIBU to think joking or not its not a nice thing to say to a 6 year old? the teacher is new as i said and this is their first teaching post, just intrested in other opinions and wether i should be pulling the teacher up on this?

Read the thread.

The issue then is lack of communication in the school as they have clearly not impressed upon this teacher the specifics of your childs needs. Or they have and he forgot because he's new. A quick word to reaffirm how your son needs to be supported - yes. A complaint - no.

Oh, sorry. Was the "teacher may have been joking" bit that confused me. I took that to mean doubt on your part.

I'm quite rigid myself, it seems

If you're worried - give the teacher the head's up. tell them your child takes things very literally.

If you want books to help him, one good one I've found is "what did you say, what did you mean" it's even got blank pages at the back for you to get your child to come up with other sentences here

my kids love it.

take your child out of school. its the only way to make sure you never have anything to say about or to teachers. which would be a blessing.

That sounds like a crap thing to say to a class of 6 year old non-swimmers. Sounds like the teacher was out of his depth (see what I did there?!) and panicked when he had to deal with lots of 6 year olds mucking around near water (would terrify me too, to be fair) so tried a "scare them into submission" tactic. I would reiterate to your boy that he must behave himself, especially at swimming because good behaviour near water is even more important than usual but I would also reassure him that the teacher did not mean it and was just trying to make him behave because he was scared that everyone would fall in and hurt themselves and then the teacher would be sad and blamed by the whole world. Or something like that. And I would be alert for any other signs that the teacher is not very good.

Its not worth complaining about but it us worth speaking to the teacher to check she knows about ds's additional.needs and to explain he didnt get the 'joke' and that he was scared by it.

It doesn't sound at all like that to me. I can't see any evidence to suggest the teacher isn't very good.

Lovebunny some of your harsh responses lately have had me :o

he has some sensory issues and finds it very difficult to sit still and often acts very silly

ds dosnt understand danger very well and school know this

I just think although most people know a teacher would never throw him in the pool to ds who takes things very literally it really frightened him

Sorry hectate i didnt word the op very well, i definatly know the teacher wouldnt of thrown him in the pool and have tried to get that over to ds but he dosnt believe me. Thank you for the recomendation on the book will go have a look.

Just want to say i had no intention of making a complaint at all when i say pull him up i really just mean speak to him about the way ds took the comment when i next see him. Im not very good at getting my own point over either it seems lol

And Christ teachers can't joke now can they? Maybe it's best as Hecate said, to teach your son not to be so literal, it's a lesson that will be of value to him in life. The book looks good

I'd be more worried about my 6 yo non swimmer messing about at swimming TBH!

My ds has dyspraxia and would have taken this to heart, he takes EVERYTHING literally. However, I remember one teacher at my school who would have probably have said something similar, he was a sarky bugger but we all thought he rocked and he was a great teacher. We understood his humour, ds probably would not at that age although he gets it now in secordary.

I wouldn't make a complaint. I would maybe make an appointment with said teacher and just explain.

I think you're going way over the top describing this as emotional abuse. Ok, not every teacher would say it, but let's face it, it would probably be very effective with 99% of pupils who might muck about. Teacher says something which will hit home, gets their point across in a memorable way. Your son is the 1% who has got upset and is taking it literally - but surely the most effective thing is that he'll now know not to mess about near water

I can imagine few things more stressful than being responsible for a classful of kids by a swimming pool. This teacher is young and new. It's a difficult enough situation without kids starting to mess about.

I agree it would have been better for him to say 'stop doing that or you won't be allowed to swim again '- but no doubt you'd then be on here complaining that your son was being excluded! The teacher has included your son by saying the same kind of joky but firm thing
he would say to any other pupil. You need to explain to your son that of course the teacher wont throw him in the pool and that your son must learn to follow instructions

If you think it's that simple to 'teach' some children not yo take things literally, Ghostship, you're welcome to come and have a go with my DD. we have tried and failed. She does not have AS but like many children with cerebral palsy she does display a lot of similar characteristics. Given that certain parts of her brain were irrevocably damaged by a massive haemorrhage at birth, I think she can be forgiven her quirks. In an educational setting it is for staff to be sensitive to HER needs, not for her to 'buck up' and 'get the joke' because she can't

I think a little fear is ok if it makes him behave . My old school was near the ocean and we've had teachers tell us about throwing us into the sea if we misbehave. Hasn't caused me any trauma.

This is the kind of thing I might have said when I was teaching as a sort of fake threat - a jokey way of telling a child to pipe down when they're just being a bit silly. I would say it in such a way as to signal that I wasn't cross as such but that it was time to get serious. But I agree that you have to be very careful who you say this kind of thing to. It sounds like the teacher made a bad call and forgot that your DS would take this kind of "threat" seriously.

If it was said in a properly threatening way (which I doubt it was, that would be extremely menacing) then it's way over the top. Perhaps just mention to the teacher that your DS takes things literally so he has to watch what he says.

Janey i did not say it was emotional abuse at all, all i think is it was a little ill thought out, ds has already had a swimming block last year with his previous teacher and 2 this year and managed ok, although he is scared of the water, even hair washing is a battle he dosnt traslate the danger of messing about into possibly falling out, i do try to teach him not to take things so literally believe me and i will continue to do so. Im not making out like the teacher should be shot down or anything just that i think it was a tad ill thought knowing ds' difficulties.

Its ridiculous to try to judge whether a school is addressing an individual child's special needs on the basis of one teachers one comment!
If the school is genuinely not addressing the child's needs at all then that's different. But a school can be amazingly inclusive and excellent at addressing a child's needs and there will still be indivudual situations where a teacher will say /do something which doesn't suit everyone

What about the fact that other children in the class may have needs which made it stressful for them having the ops kid mucking about near the pool? I have a friend whose son is ASD and he finds it incredibly stressful when other children are noisy or disobedient. He has great awareness of rules and his worst nightmare is being in a class where kids muck about. Sounds like the teachers primary aim (quite rightly) was the safety of all pupils. I still think if hed told the OPs son to stop or he couldn't come to swimming again she'd be on here moaning that he wasn't being fully included!

Yes I would have a word with the teacher, explain how scared your son is, and ask him/her not to do it again.

I don't think the teacher did anything wrong here. I teach young children and when they misbehave I tell them things like, I'm going to call the police and have them sent to prison. If I knew that one of the children didn't understand the joke, I wouldn't say it, but a lot of kids find it funny and it earns me a tiny bit more respect with them. I do what I can to survive as a teacher.

Leave the teacher alone and focus on your own child.

op, maybe your child has a problem, as my ds did. Can you look into it?

I made a big mistake with ds, I never got him the help he needed..I was young, I had no idea. The lack of an official diagnosis has been a right pain in the ass.

He does have help at school now, he's 15, has someone to write his exams for him as his writing is rubbish.

ThedogsRolex - We are trying to get help for him now its very much been a wait and see approach taken since he was a toddler. He sees SALT and previously seen an OT we are awaiting referal to CAHMS now the gp thinks ADHD or ASD but as for now we have no diagnosis except sensory issues so its difficult

It's not safe to mess around at a pool and your son needs to know this.

Also, not taking things literally is a life skill all children need to learn - does your son really believe that a teacher would try to harm/drown/kill him? Why does he believe that?