Was I unreasonable to 'come out' to my 7 yr old

[Newlyout]

Hi all, first post here. I just wanted to ask opinions really. I'm in my late 20 s and after a lot of thought I have decided to come out and let the world know who I really am.
In order to fully accept this and be ready to date I've told my friends and family that I'm gay. I also spoke to my job and my daughters teacher, so that if the playground gossips get hold of it, or if she goes into school saying mummy is a lesbian, then we are covered.
However I had no intention of telling her until I had met a woman I wanted to introduce her to. But after a lot of thought I told her. One, because I want her to hear it from me, not someone else, two because I want her to know I have nothing to hide/ be ashamed of and nor does she. And three because if I don't meet the right person for say 5 years, it's gonna be more of a shock, right?

Well anyway.... She took it really really well, and only asked what colour hair I'd like my girlfriend to have?!

But I don't know if I did the right thing.... What do you all think?

That gives me hope babybythesea :) It really wants shocking to her, so I just hope the rest of the playground feel the same!

I love the sound of that advert... Maybe I should get a t- shirt or two printed just in case hehe :)

One of my collegues came out when her boys were 8 and 10. I think shes done aremarkable job (marriage break up and all that entails) and now having a long term successful lesbian relation ship and her boys don;t bat an eyelid at it - even moreso they go to an all boys school and would be ripe for bullying - none of that has happened at all.

I hope you find the person you are looking for

Telling her now will just make it part of her life and not a shock as she grows older and starts to understand adult prejudices.

Hopefully though, there wont be adult prejudices in 20 years (or not so much) because we will have brought our children up in a different way. Gay or straight isnt an issue to most of our generation so our children will think it even less of an issue. And the odd ones that do will be thought of in the same way as the BNP (for example) are thought of now.

Of course you did the right thing! I was about 5 when my mum had her first gay relationship (she is still with the same woman 30 years later, with a gap in the middle that no one mentions!). I don't remember her coming out to me, I can't remember her not being gay. Her sexuality exposed me to some things that the children of straight people probably wont have to experience, although being a child can be tough regardless of your parent's sexuality, and I occasionally had a hard time at school, but that was the 80's. My sister is a child of the 90's and has pretty much always had positive reactions and had a much more 'fuck you' attitude if she came up against any prejudice. We also grew up in London, which must have helped. I love having a gay mum though, I had a childhood full of interesting people, events and conversations, she made me think about diversity, difference and prejudice from a young age and I am a more open, tolerant and self assured adult because of her. Now im talking to my daughter about these issues. Having a gay granny - that's pretty cool!

Good luck with this new chapter of your life, I hope you find someone lovely to share it with!

Great job! X

Thankyou ophelia for sharing your friends story and for your wishes.
Kim I think you are right, but since I told my daughters teacher on Tuesday she has said she will make sure it is handled well in school, I think I may find a nice book or two to donate to school so that it's more inclusive.
I really hope you are right about the future bogeyface. I keep my fingers crossed.
Soggy thanks so much for sharing your story with me. I can understand that 30 years ago that would have been the case in school, i hope you are right and things are moving in the righ direction. It's also lovely to hear what positive memories you have of your childhood:)

I think it sounds like you are doing a great job, and it is definitely worth being honest with your DD.
I talk a lot with my son -he is very nosy and loves to chat and watch what I do! We were watching some of these -really good videos which were made for the recent marriage votes in America.
m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=dvJjg7o14bs&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DdvJjg7o14bs
There are 4 and really nicely show different families. Do watch them with your DD.
Anyway they showed a lesbian couple with their kids, going about their day, very sweet-and suddenly DS announced " oh mummy that is awful" in terms of absolute disgust! I was so surprised, he is normally very blasé about same sex couples etc and asked what was so bad-he said "they get up at 6 O'Clock-in the morning!"
Anyway good luck-there is a lot of information out there.

Thanks solesource

Hahaha bless your dd. I will definitely do that, it certainly can't hurt in the journey to showing her that while our family might not be traditional it is certainly not the only one of its kind :)

I think you did the right thing. Being honest, and starting a conversation of truth that she will feel confident in, safe in the knowledge she has never been lied to. Well done!

:)

My sister is gay and has two chikdren she had been lying to my nephew for the last 6 years i would say about who the Friends are she somtimes brings home

I suspect when hes older and it dawns on him that the sleepovers were not just a girls nite in he will hate her for all the lies

You done the right thing

I think you sound like a fab parent and you've absolutely done the right thing. Totally agree that younger children, as long as age appropriate language is used etc, receive news such as this very well.

LOVE your DD's comment re hair colour: out of the mouths of babes!

YY to Stonewall- v good organisation. A colleague of mine has used some of their materials and we had wrist bands for a while with the 'some people are gay, get over it' slogan on them. I do like a slogan wristband. . .
But I digress: well done you!

Agree with everyone else that you've done good.

I think that it is SO important to be honest. Your daughter will no doubt have a lot of questions of her own and from her friends and she can turn to you with that. Well done! Good luck.

you did the right thing.

Congratulations newly! IMO honesty is the best policy. I have seen too many family secrets wreak havoc when revealed.

My dd was interviewed as part of the research for that Stonewall report mentioned above. She was only ever teased once about having lesbian mums, when she was 10. She was completely about it, didn't phase her. The school were excellent, followed their anti-bullying policy and took it all very seriously.

Hahaha, I love that her only concern was what colour hair you'd like a girlfriend to have

There are T-shirts that have the "some people are gay, get over it." bit written on already, there are photos of the gent from X-Men (I think? Magneto iirc) who is gay wearing one?! Unless I'm mixing it up.

Here:
<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?num=10&um=1&hl=en&biw=1366&bih=653&tbm=isch&tbnid=hyZz2p9VD4FlKM:&imgrefurl=thisboysbriefs.wordpress.com/2011/10/01/get-over-it/&docid=81d7HwWax11LjM&imgurl=thisboysbriefs.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/ian-mckellen-some-people-are-gay-shirt.jpg&w=500&h=333&ei=deWeUKrxH4H80QXZ34DIDw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=856&vpy=159&dur=1892&hovh=183&hovw=275&tx=202&ty=111&sig=106338956958230822721&sqi=2&page=1&tbnh=143&tbnw=195&start=0&ndsp=23&ved=1t:429" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.co.uk/imgres?num=10&um=1&hl=en&biw=1366&bih=653&tbm=isch&tbnid=hyZz2p9VD4FlKM:&imgrefurl=thisboysbriefs.wordpress.com/2011/10/01/get-over-it/&docid=81d7HwWax11LjM&imgurl=thisboysbriefs.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/ian-mckellen-some-people-are-gay-shirt.jpg&w=500&h=333&ei=deWeUKrxH4H80QXZ34DIDw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=856&vpy=159&dur=1892&hovh=183&hovw=275&tx=202&ty=111&sig=106338956958230822721&sqi=2&page=1&tbnh=143&tbnw=195&start=0&ndsp=23&ved=1t:429,r:5,s:0,i:81

Ian McKellen in the t-shirt.

I've just realised we've had a 'some people are gay, get over it' sticker on the fridge for about two years - what WAS DD thinking about my position on people's happiness before the GBBO conversation?! Two days after it though, she was rather confused by Christopher Robin and Pooh doing something gaily. She is now au fait with both meanings, hurrah.

Trockodile how adorable!

Good for you OP.....YABU to wonder if you're BU!!

Well done you, children are incredibly perceptive and have a real ability to take you as you are. Hiding important things from your dd would have been a Bad Thing. You did the right thing. I hope it doesn't take 5 years to find someone lovely

sounds like you did the right thing, thats how i explained it to my (then) 7 year old when sil came out :) he's 11 now and just accepts that he has 2 aunties :)